Social media on the shutdown:
Andy Borowitz (Facebook):
BREAKING: Most Hated People in U.S. Deciding Fate of World.
Let's put this shutdown behind us so the trials for treason can begin.
Michele Bachmann: "My Health Plan is Rapture."
As the Republicans go from Abraham Lincoln to Teddy Roosevelt to Ted
Cruz, it's no wonder they don't believe in evolution.
Say what you will about America, it's a place where any child, if he's
stupid enough, can grow up to wreck the world economy.
If we default on our debt Miley Cyrus will no longer be the most
embarrassing thing about America.
Call me an optimist, but I believe our government will come up with a
totally unsatisfactory solution to a completely unnecessary crisis.
The behavior of the Tea Party congressmen is the most glaring indictment
of our nation's failure to teach math.
Congress has wasted two weeks on a totally unnecessary crisis of its own
creation. It's a good thing our schools and roads are in great shape or
I'd be mad.
There are people in Congress I would not trust to look after my plants.
WASHINGTON - After a poll showed 50% of Americans blame Republicans for
the shutdown and 30% blame Obama, Rep. Michele Bachmann said, "That
means we're winning by 20 percent."
Boehner: "The time has come to end this crisis so we can start planning
the next one."
BREAKING: GOP Accuse Obama of Acting Like He Won Election
BREAKING: NRA Defends GOP's Right to Use Metaphorical Gun
Basically, the Republicans want a reward for calling in a bomb threat
and then retracting it.
Just bought health insurance online. For some weird reason, the country
was not destroyed. Anyone else have this problem?
It bothers me that our country may be pushed into default by people who
cannot spell default.
Boehner: "We will continue this shutdown until we find out the reason
for it."
WASHINGTON - In an escalation of the stalemate gripping the Capitol,
House Republicans voted today to shut down the prefrontal cortex, the
part of the brain that controls reasoning and impulses
The shutdown could last awhile since the Tea Party is demanding the
President not be black anymore.
I wasn't happy about the country being controlled by the richest one
percent, but I really hate it being controlled by the dumbest one percent
Boehner: "The President is stubbornly refusing to end this crisis I
created."
WASHINGTON - House Republicans reassured the nation today that during
the government shutdown they would continue to work hard to cut benefits
for the poor and hungry.
A lot of people are asking when this kind of madness in Washington will
end. I believe that can be arranged in 2014.
-----
-@LOLGOP (Twitter)
I'm impressed that no one has made the analogy between Ted Cruz and
McMurphy in One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest.
REMINDER: Michele Bachmann's favorite Founding Father is George
Jefferson.
FYI: A nuclear bomb is about to blow up the world's economy and the
House GOP will let it go off unless we give a tax break to a corporation.
Political party that pretends Donald Trump is a serious candidate for
anything isn't a political party anymore, it's a cry for help.
House Republicans. Willing to destroy what's left of the global economy
to avoid a primary challenge.
BREAKING: Ted Cruz and House Republicans meet in private to write open
letter to Miley Cyrus, plot a global financial crisis.
Columbus discovered America the same way Republicans discovered the
deficit when Obama became president.
Republicans waited to wage war on birth control until 50 years after it
was invented. Next: Stop the miniskirt!
-----
-@pourmecoffee (Twitter)
Schoolhouse Rock is working on a new "How A Bill Becomes Law" but it's
taking a while because not much rhymes with "hostage."
Boehner should just show up in a Hawaiian shirt chomping a cigar and say
"whatever" to everything.
The real victim in this is legitimate Kabuki theater.
Maybe if the History Channel showed history instead of pawn shops and
alligators less people would carry Confederate flags.
Hi, we're the most powerful nation in all of recorded history, may we
please have our allowance?
Congress is going to wait until the very last minute and look up budget
deals in Wikipedia.
Ted Cruz: Mr. Obama, tear down these barricades!**
(** Put up because
of my 21-hour speech directly leading to this outcome.)
Don't tread on me, except getting me to donate money and vote against my
own interests, you can tread on me that way.
I don't think Spock could handle mind-melding with John Boehner, even
for a moment. The madness. The sorrow. It would break a mind.
-----
Sarah Reese Jones (Twitter)
John McCain warns Dems not to humiliate GOP as the VP he picked stands
near Confederate Flag in front of WH accusing Obama of being Muslim.
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