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ISSN: 1525-898X
Observations by and for the vaguely disenchanted by Kevin G. Barkes

 

Conceived above a saloon, delivered into this world by a masked man identified by his heavily sedated mother as Captain Video, raised by a kindly West Virginian woman, a mild-mannered former reporter with modest delusions of grandeur and no tolerance of idiots and the intellectually dishonest.

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network solutions made me a child pornographer!
The sordid details...

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Anniversary

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Requiem for a fictional Scotsman

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Oh my God! They killed Library!! Those bastards!!!

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Elegy to a Mostly Maine Coon

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It's a Hap-Hap-Happy Day

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A Pittsburgher in the Really Big City

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Da Burg Annat

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I Have Issues

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Yeah, yeah, I'm inspired

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At least the rivers freeze in Pittsburgh

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He knows if yinz is a jagoff

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Please support KGB Report by making your amazon.com purchases through our affiliate link:
 

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dcl dialogue online!

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no. we're not that kgb.

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KGB, CIA linked

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The Carbolic Smoke Ball
Superb satire, and based in Pittsburgh!

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Americans United for Separation of Church and State

"No religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States."
Article VI, U.S. Constitution

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Geek of the Week, 7/16/2000

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Cruel Site of the Day, 7/15/2000

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miscellany

Hard to describe.

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"a breezy writing style and a cool mix of tidbits"

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Our riveting and morally compelling...

Privacy statement

Neither geniuses nor nature do things the same way twice.
  -Jamie Buckingham
 

One of  52,267 random quotes. Please CTRL-F5 to refresh the page.

	kgbreport.com Web

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(July 2000 and earlier)

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Friday, November 20, 2009
posted by KGB at 8:58 AM (permalink)

Humor on a green scale

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posted by KGB at 12:59 AM (permalink)

Clothing label of the day

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posted by KGB at 12:38 AM (permalink)

If you're enamored of Psalm 109...

Don't forget to check out verses 2 and 3.

Update:

And by the way, "Real Christian"... thanks for the e-mail. Please note for future reference, however, that Jesus didn't say "The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose." That was actually the eponymous Antonio, in Shakespeare's The Merchant of Venice:

The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose.
An evil soul producing holy witness
Is like a villain with a smiling cheek,
A goodly apple rotten at the heart:
O, what a goodly outside falsehood hath!

No Fear Shakespeare's translation is:

The devil can quote Scripture for his own use. An evil soul using a holy story is like a criminal who smiles at you. He looks like a good apple but he's rotten at the core. Oh, liars can look so honest!

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Thursday, November 19, 2009
posted by KGB at 12:00 AM (permalink)

A call for a Christian jihad?

The Christians are coming to get you. And they are not pleasant people.-George Carlin

As a Christian, I sometimes wonder why it's always Old Testament scripture that's invoked in political activities, never the philosophies of Jesus. Borrowing from the Pittsburgh dialect, I call these folks "Yunz"... Christians without Christ.

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Wednesday, November 18, 2009
posted by KGB at 8:34 AM (permalink)

It all started here...

On November 18, 1963, the first telephone in the US with push buttons instead of a rotary dial was placed in commercial service in Carnegie and Greensburg, Pa. This was a Touch-Tone telephone with 10 push buttons, manufactured by the Western Electric Manufacturing and supply Unit of the Bell System. The optional service was offered for an extra charge. Some previous marketing trials had taken place in Ohio and Pennsylvania. A 10 button dial was inserted into an adapter taking the place of the rotary dial. The use of 12 Button dials with * and # keys for special services came out rather quickly after the introduction of Touch Tone Service in 1963, and the 10 button dial was discontinued.

Today in Science History

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Tuesday, November 17, 2009
posted by KGB at 9:52 AM (permalink)

It's a sign. I'm going to lie down for a while now.

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posted by KGB at 5:30 AM (permalink)

The next media circus and GOP flip-flop

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Law & Order: KSM
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Health Care Crisis

 

The good stuff starts about five and a half minutes in.

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posted by KGB at 1:19 AM (permalink)

E-mail of the day...

Cindy and I recently became fans of The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, primarily because in order to see the end of Letterman, which runs past 12:35 am, you have to watch what the DVR thinks is the beginning of Ferguson's program.

One of the nightly segments is viewer e-mail. Cindy told me last week that I should send one in. I've learned it's always a good idea to do what she says, so I did:

Hi Craig,
 
Have you considered throwing your considerable influence behind the development of inertial electrostatic confinement fusion technology?
 
If not, could you do more musical stuff with puppets?
 
Regards,
 
KGB
 
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Kevin G. Barkes
Fayette City, Pennsylvania

To which he replied, "I'd put my money on puppets, Kevin."

I thought it was interesting that he had no trouble saying "inertial electrostatic confinement fusion technology" but mispronounced "Fayette." Must be the Star Trek/Scotty effect.

Speaking of which, the hi-def download of J.J. Abram's Star Trek from the iTunes Store just completed.

Duty calls...

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Monday, November 16, 2009
posted by KGB at 9:31 AM (permalink)

Quote of the day

Facebook is a clocksucker.
-Elayne Boosler

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Sunday, November 15, 2009
posted by KGB at 12:01 AM (permalink)

Quote of the day

Hitting the delete key and changing the channel are satisfying but ineffective methods of denying reality.
-Kevin G. Barkes

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Copyright © 1987-2025 by Kevin G. Barkes
All rights reserved.
Violators will be prosecuted.
So there.  
The kgb@kgb.com e-mail address is now something other than kgb@kgb.com saga.
kgbreport.com used to be kgb.com until December, 2007 when the domain name broker Trout Zimmer made an offer I couldn't refuse. Giving up kgb.com and adopting kgbreport.com created a significant problem, however. I had acquired the kgb.com domain name in 1993, and had since that time used kgb@kgb.com as my sole e-mail address. How to let people know that kgb@kgb.com was no longer kgb@kgb.com but rather kgbarkes@gmail.com which is longer than kgb@kgb.com and more letters to type than kgb@kgb.com and somehow less aesthetically pleasing than kgb@kgb.com but actually just as functional as kgb@kgb.com? I sent e-mails from the kgb@kgb.com address to just about everybody I knew who had used kgb@kgb.com in the past decade and a half but noticed that some people just didn't seem to get the word about the kgb@kgb.com change. So it occurred to me that if I were generate some literate, valid text in which kgb@kgb.com was repeated numerous times and posted it on a bunch of different pages- say, a blog indexed by Google- that someone looking for kgb@kgb.com would notice this paragraph repeated in hundreds of locations, would read it, and figure out that kgb@kgb.com no longer is the kgb@kgb.com they thought it was. That's the theory, anyway. kgb@kgb.com. Ok, I'm done. Move along. Nothing to see here...