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ISSN: 1525-898X
Observations by and for the vaguely disenchanted by Kevin G. Barkes

 

Conceived above a saloon, delivered into this world by a masked man identified by his heavily sedated mother as Captain Video, raised by a kindly West Virginian woman, a mild-mannered former reporter with modest delusions of grandeur and no tolerance of idiots and the intellectually dishonest.

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network solutions made me a child pornographer!
The sordid details...

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Anniversary

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Requiem for a fictional Scotsman

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Oh my God! They killed Library!! Those bastards!!!

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Elegy to a Mostly Maine Coon

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It's a Hap-Hap-Happy Day

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A Pittsburgher in the Really Big City

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Da Burg Annat

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I Have Issues

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Yeah, yeah, I'm inspired

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At least the rivers freeze in Pittsburgh

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He knows if yinz is a jagoff

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Please support KGB Report by making your amazon.com purchases through our affiliate link:
 

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dcl dialogue online!

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no. we're not that kgb.

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KGB, CIA linked

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The Carbolic Smoke Ball
Superb satire, and based in Pittsburgh!

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Americans United for Separation of Church and State

"No religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States."
Article VI, U.S. Constitution

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Geek of the Week, 7/16/2000

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Cruel Site of the Day, 7/15/2000

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miscellany

Hard to describe.

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"a breezy writing style and a cool mix of tidbits"

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Our riveting and morally compelling...

Privacy statement

One of  52,041 random quotes. Please CTRL-F5 to refresh the page.

	kgbreport.com Web

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(July 2000 and earlier)

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Saturday, May 09, 2009
posted by KGB at 7:36 AM (permalink)

One more thing...

The only thing I didn't like in Star Trek was the transporter effect. I still think the original "glitter" effect was best:

Star Trek Transporter Effect : BFX : Build - A funny movie is a click away

 

Also- I really prefer the space battles from the previous films. While impressive, there's just too damn much going on in "modern" battle scenes. Maybe I'm getting old, but there's so much junk flying around that it's impossible to know where to focus. Give me a classic Trek battle every time:

 

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posted by KGB at 12:01 AM (permalink)

Warp speed

The new Star Trek film is a delight, even for an ancient Trekkie like me who watched the first episode of the original series when it aired on September 8, 1966. (I would turn 12 three days later.)

Seeing its IMAX reincarnation 43 years later was an even bigger thrill than the original. Which, frankly, isn't saying too much. The first episode aired was the hokey The Man Trap, better known among fans as The Great Salt Vampire.

The experience is similar to being thoroughly familiar with a small, low-budget community theater production of, say, The Music Man, using the original 1950s staging, and then seeing the newest revival in New York on Broadway. It's technically far superior, the new kids are talented, they pay proper homage to the original book, but skillfully update it for modern sensibilities.

All of the characters are immediately recognizable. The new cast doesn't mimic the old, but rather offer sterling interpretations of the originals' character traits.

Let me put it this way; if it had been possible to get the 60s versions of Shatner et al to perform in the film, all of the dialogue and interaction would have felt right.

The two hours raced by. The only negative was the fact the air conditioning at the Lowe's Waterfront IMAX theater wasn't working. But the film was actually so riveting that I didn't notice the fact the audience was sweating like marathon runners until the end credits.

This film will join the last two Batman films as definitive examples of the correct way to reboot a franchise.

The highest compliment I can pay?

I can't wait for the next one.

(They've toned the Treknobabble down a notch or two for this film, but what remains is delightful. Watch for the pipes carrying "inert reactant." Gotta love Trekkie oxymorons...)

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Friday, May 08, 2009
posted by KGB at 2:46 AM (permalink)

It's hard to work the seat belts when you lack opposable thumbs...

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Thursday, May 07, 2009
posted by KGB at 12:01 AM (permalink)

Remembering Totie

Totie Fields, one of the first successful female standup comedians, is remembered today only by those 50 and older who watched the old Ed Sullivan and Mike Douglas shows. Born on this day in 1930, she died at the age of 48 following a series of illnesses. Click on the link for a short bio of this talented- but mostly forgotten- comedy pioneer.

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Wednesday, May 06, 2009
posted by KGB at 7:23 AM (permalink)

I don't think they're taking it seriously...

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posted by KGB at 6:51 AM (permalink)

Diversity

It's Cinco de Mayo or, as we say here in Fayette City, Wednesday.

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Tuesday, May 05, 2009
posted by KGB at 9:38 AM (permalink)

Classic movie clip of the day

Still the best film ever shot in Pittsburgh. You won't see realism like this in Flashdance.

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posted by KGB at 12:01 AM (permalink)

Sign of the day

There isn't a male on the planet who could deny the need and utility of this sign, but very few have the cojones to actually purchase it and hang it in his home. A hat tip of admiration Eric Stark. You rule, dude. And you will be missed.

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Monday, May 04, 2009
posted by KGB at 12:01 AM (permalink)

Speed of confusion

One thing that appears to be unique to Pennsylvania is the "End Speed Limit" sign.

These signs have always irritated me. "End Speed Limit 25." Well, ok. Now what? Why not just put up a sign stating what the new speed limit is supposed to be?

As best as I can figure, it's related to the way in which Pennsylvania's traffic laws are written. Assume all the speed limit signs in the Commonwealth have disappeared. How would you know how fast you're allowed to drive?

The "default" speed limits in PA are: 35 miles per hour in any urban district, 25 miles per hour in a residence district if the highway is not a numbered traffic route (like Route 88) unless it has been classified as a residence district by the state, and 55 miles per hour everywhere else.

Now, municipalities can impose their own speed limits with PennDOT's approval, covering specific lengths of highway. Where their jurisdiction ends, they post an end speed limit sign. Unless there are state-posted speed limit signs immediately after the end speed limit sign, the legal speed is either 25, 35, or 55 miles per hour, depending upon whether you're in a residence district, an urban district, or anywhere else.

Consider the 2.5 mile stretch of Route 906 between the junction with I-70 in Belle Vernon and the junction with Route 201 in Fayette City. 906 is called Main Street in Belle Vernon, and the posted speed limit is 25 within the city limits. This jumps up to 40 outside of the city, where Main Street becomes Fayette City Road. It's interesting to note the sign at the south end of Belle Vernon doesn't say "End Speed Limit 25," but "Speed Limit 25." That's because about 500 feet further down the road, there's a "Speed Limit 40" sign.

This is where it gets strange. After a short distance, you encounter an "End Speed Limit 40" sign, with a caution that the speed limit drops to 35, which it does when Fayette City Road turns into Naomi Road as it goes through the Village of Naomi.

But between the "end 40" and Naomi's "begin 35," there's a half-mile stretch with no speed limit signs- just "use caution when passing." In this tiny stretch, the speed limit is 55. While you dither between 35 and 40, the locals- aware of the vagaries of PennDOT speed regulations- blow past you on the narrow road, only to apply their brakes (sometimes) to decelerate to 35 when entering the teeming metropolis of Naomi and its two speed limit signs.

This became of interest to me when returning home from Maryland via Route 40, which has literally dozens of end speed limit signs between the Pennsylvania border and Uniontown.

I'm sure I knew the speed rules at some time in the past, but years of living in semi-urban areas and an aversion to driving had made me forget the end speed limit business.

Now if someone can explain why I was threatened with a ticket when the sign clearly said, "Fine for Speeding..."

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Sunday, May 03, 2009
posted by KGB at 12:01 AM (permalink)

Happy Birthday, Pete

Pete Seeger is 90 today, and there are "For Pete's Sake: Sing!" events scheduled around the world.

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Copyright © 1987-2024 by Kevin G. Barkes
All rights reserved.
Violators will be prosecuted.
So there.  
The kgb@kgb.com e-mail address is now something other than kgb@kgb.com saga.
kgbreport.com used to be kgb.com until December, 2007 when the domain name broker Trout Zimmer made an offer I couldn't refuse. Giving up kgb.com and adopting kgbreport.com created a significant problem, however. I had acquired the kgb.com domain name in 1993, and had since that time used kgb@kgb.com as my sole e-mail address. How to let people know that kgb@kgb.com was no longer kgb@kgb.com but rather kgbarkes@gmail.com which is longer than kgb@kgb.com and more letters to type than kgb@kgb.com and somehow less aesthetically pleasing than kgb@kgb.com but actually just as functional as kgb@kgb.com? I sent e-mails from the kgb@kgb.com address to just about everybody I knew who had used kgb@kgb.com in the past decade and a half but noticed that some people just didn't seem to get the word about the kgb@kgb.com change. So it occurred to me that if I were generate some literate, valid text in which kgb@kgb.com was repeated numerous times and posted it on a bunch of different pages- say, a blog indexed by Google- that someone looking for kgb@kgb.com would notice this paragraph repeated in hundreds of locations, would read it, and figure out that kgb@kgb.com no longer is the kgb@kgb.com they thought it was. That's the theory, anyway. kgb@kgb.com. Ok, I'm done. Move along. Nothing to see here...