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ISSN: 1525-898X
Observations by and for the vaguely disenchanted by Kevin G. Barkes

 

Conceived above a saloon, delivered into this world by a masked man identified by his heavily sedated mother as Captain Video, raised by a kindly West Virginian woman, a mild-mannered former reporter with modest delusions of grandeur and no tolerance of idiots and the intellectually dishonest.

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network solutions made me a child pornographer!
The sordid details...

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Anniversary

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Requiem for a fictional Scotsman

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Oh my God! They killed Library!! Those bastards!!!

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Elegy to a Mostly Maine Coon

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It's a Hap-Hap-Happy Day

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A Pittsburgher in the Really Big City

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Da Burg Annat

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I Have Issues

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Yeah, yeah, I'm inspired

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At least the rivers freeze in Pittsburgh

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He knows if yinz is a jagoff

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Please support KGB Report by making your amazon.com purchases through our affiliate link:
 

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dcl dialogue online!

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no. we're not that kgb.

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KGB, CIA linked

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The Carbolic Smoke Ball
Superb satire, and based in Pittsburgh!

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Americans United for Separation of Church and State

"No religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States."
Article VI, U.S. Constitution

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Geek of the Week, 7/16/2000

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Cruel Site of the Day, 7/15/2000

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miscellany

Hard to describe.

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"a breezy writing style and a cool mix of tidbits"

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Our riveting and morally compelling...

Privacy statement

One of  52,267 random quotes. Please CTRL-F5 to refresh the page.

	kgbreport.com Web

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(July 2000 and earlier)

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Saturday, September 06, 2008
posted by KGB at 7:13 AM (permalink)

They do it again...

The most devastatingly funny portion is 4:30 in...

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Friday, September 05, 2008
posted by KGB at 6:50 AM (permalink)

Quote of the day

The problem with political jokes is they get elected.
-Henry Cote

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Thursday, September 04, 2008
posted by KGB at 9:04 AM (permalink)

Class of 2021

Granddaughter Leanna heads off for her first day of kindergarten.

Was that just five years ago? Sigh...

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posted by KGB at 4:31 AM (permalink)

Once again...

The "fake news" Daily Show exposes blatant hypocrisy. Do none of the "real" networks know how to catalog and edit video?

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Wednesday, September 03, 2008
posted by KGB at 12:01 AM (permalink)

As the stomach turns...

All this Sarah Palin stuff is driving me nuts. I've always hated small town redneck melodramatic hypocrisy, and to see it displayed as somehow being admirable makes me ill.

Sorry, Obama, this isn't a matter of family privacy. Palin can't run on a platform of "family values" when the web is saturated with photos of her underage daughter swilling whiskey from the bottle; published statements where the governor opposes "explicit" sex education in favor of abstinence; and copies of line-item vetoes where she slashed funding for programs assisting unwed teen-aged mothers who were unfortunate enough not to be white, rich, and covered by mommy's taxpayer-funded health care insurance.

Of course, the rumors are that Palin's fifth child is actually her daughter Bristol's. The allegation is circumstantially supported by a family portrait in which the teen is either pregnant or has swallowed a cantaloupe whole, and a fortuitously-timed eight month absence from high school, supposedly due to mono.

What's most egregious is expecting any rational adult to believe that Palin, a woman in her 40s, pregnant with her fifth child- one with Down's Syndrome, no less- would be so stupid and irresponsible as to travel for 22 hours after her water broke, in order to deliver in a general hospital in the hinterlands of Alaska rather than admit herself to one of Houston's top medical centers.

So Palin drags out Bristol and claims the teen is five months pregnant, making it mathematically impossible for her daughter to be the true mother. How much you want to bet the daughter "prematurely" delivers a baby with a healthy, full-term birth weight? Too late, suckers... the election's over."

There's a very simple way out of this, one that would have eliminated the need to further shame her unwed pregnant teenage daughter. All Palin has to do is turn over copies of her medical records related to the delivery. Simple, direct, and the issue is closed forever. And it ain't gonna happen, because somewhere in that hospital is a health care professional with integrity who will refuse to play along.

I suspect there are things that will be revealed in the days to come that will curl our collective toes. And just remember, this is McCain's first big decision as a potential President. If he can't spot a hick poseur, how in the world can he be expected to run a country?

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Tuesday, September 02, 2008
posted by KGB at 3:14 AM (permalink)

In a world without Don LaFontaine...

Movies and television won't be the same.

Don LaFontaine
(August 26, 1940 - September 1, 2008)

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Monday, September 01, 2008
posted by KGB at 9:15 AM (permalink)

VP pick is not her baby's mama?

Normally I just dismiss this kind of stuff out of hand, but the entire election has been veering dangerously toward Bizarroland, and this might just send it over the edge.

Who'd have thought Maury Povich might become essential to the candidate vetting process?

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posted by KGB at 12:01 AM (permalink)

Quotes of the day

Lily Tomlin (b. September 1, 1939)

A sobering thought: what if, at this very moment, I am living up to my full potential?

Don't be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed.

I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

I personally think we developed language because of our deep need to complain.

I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.

If I'd known what it would be like to have it all, I might have been willing to settle for less.

If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?

No matter how cynical you get, it is impossible to keep up.

Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.

Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.

Thank God kids never mean well.

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

Remember, we're all in this alone.

We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.

We're all in this alone.

When we talk to God, we're praying. When God talks to us, we're schizophrenic.

Truth is, I've always been selling out. The difference is that in the past, I looked like I had integrity because there were no buyers.

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Sunday, August 31, 2008
posted by KGB at 9:44 PM (permalink)

When McCain makes his post-Gustav trip, remember:

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posted by KGB at 12:02 AM (permalink)

Cartoon of the week

(via HolyJuan)

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Copyright © 1987-2025 by Kevin G. Barkes
All rights reserved.
Violators will be prosecuted.
So there.  
The kgb@kgb.com e-mail address is now something other than kgb@kgb.com saga.
kgbreport.com used to be kgb.com until December, 2007 when the domain name broker Trout Zimmer made an offer I couldn't refuse. Giving up kgb.com and adopting kgbreport.com created a significant problem, however. I had acquired the kgb.com domain name in 1993, and had since that time used kgb@kgb.com as my sole e-mail address. How to let people know that kgb@kgb.com was no longer kgb@kgb.com but rather kgbarkes@gmail.com which is longer than kgb@kgb.com and more letters to type than kgb@kgb.com and somehow less aesthetically pleasing than kgb@kgb.com but actually just as functional as kgb@kgb.com? I sent e-mails from the kgb@kgb.com address to just about everybody I knew who had used kgb@kgb.com in the past decade and a half but noticed that some people just didn't seem to get the word about the kgb@kgb.com change. So it occurred to me that if I were generate some literate, valid text in which kgb@kgb.com was repeated numerous times and posted it on a bunch of different pages- say, a blog indexed by Google- that someone looking for kgb@kgb.com would notice this paragraph repeated in hundreds of locations, would read it, and figure out that kgb@kgb.com no longer is the kgb@kgb.com they thought it was. That's the theory, anyway. kgb@kgb.com. Ok, I'm done. Move along. Nothing to see here...