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ISSN: 1525-898X
Observations by and for the vaguely disenchanted by Kevin G. Barkes

 

Conceived above a saloon, delivered into this world by a masked man identified by his heavily sedated mother as Captain Video, raised by a kindly West Virginian woman, a mild-mannered former reporter with modest delusions of grandeur and no tolerance of idiots and the intellectually dishonest.

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network solutions made me a child pornographer!
The sordid details...

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Anniversary

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Requiem for a fictional Scotsman

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Oh my God! They killed Library!! Those bastards!!!

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Elegy to a Mostly Maine Coon

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It's a Hap-Hap-Happy Day

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A Pittsburgher in the Really Big City

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Da Burg Annat

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I Have Issues

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Yeah, yeah, I'm inspired

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At least the rivers freeze in Pittsburgh

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He knows if yinz is a jagoff

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Please support KGB Report by making your amazon.com purchases through our affiliate link:
 

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dcl dialogue online!

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no. we're not that kgb.

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KGB, CIA linked

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The Carbolic Smoke Ball
Superb satire, and based in Pittsburgh!

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Americans United for Separation of Church and State

"No religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States."
Article VI, U.S. Constitution

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Geek of the Week, 7/16/2000

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Cruel Site of the Day, 7/15/2000

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miscellany

Hard to describe.

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"a breezy writing style and a cool mix of tidbits"

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Our riveting and morally compelling...

Privacy statement

One of  52,041 random quotes. Please CTRL-F5 to refresh the page.

	kgbreport.com Web

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(July 2000 and earlier)

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Saturday, May 17, 2008
posted by KGB at 6:48 AM (permalink)

Quotes of the day

Alan Kay (b. May 17, 1940):

Any company large enough to have a research lab is too large to listen to it.

Any medium powerful enough to extend man's reach is powerful enough to topple his world. To get the medium's magic to work for one's aims rather than against them is to attain literacy.

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

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Friday, May 16, 2008
posted by KGB at 12:37 AM (permalink)

"When you're gonna make a direct historic reference, get it straight."

I'm not a big fan of Chris Matthews, but I admire how he did what journalists are supposed to do... expose witless airheads spouting talking points who have no idea what they're saying.

(Thanks to my son Doug, who mentioned this clip at dinner last night and noted that it appears that some in the media are finally challenging these idiots instead of just letting them spew their mindless babble.)

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Thursday, May 15, 2008
posted by KGB at 10:53 AM (permalink)

Quote of the day

I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.-Ashleigh Brilliant

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posted by KGB at 6:57 AM (permalink)

If Sen. Larry Craig gave you the willies....

The full story here.

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Wednesday, May 14, 2008
posted by KGB at 4:14 PM (permalink)

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

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posted by KGB at 1:35 PM (permalink)

Aunt Dorothy

Dorothy L. Kirmeyer
August 4, 1920 - May 13, 2008

My Aunt Dorothy was born on August 4, 1920 in Akron, Ohio. She was the daughter of my grandmother, the late Esther Miller Barkes Schotting, and my grandfather, the late George T. Schotting. Aunt Dorothy and her husband, Edward J. Kirmeyer (Uncle Eddie), were originally from Homestead but moved to Lincoln Place 40 years ago. They just celebrated their 67th wedding anniversary together last month, on April 24.

Aunt Dorothy and Uncle Eddie had three daughters, my cousins and- as an only child- the closest I had to siblings: Bonnie Brissenden, to whom my Dad would lend his car on the weekends without telling her parents, and whose graduation from nursing school I vaguely recall disrupting; Mary Lou Siesky, the quiet, nice one in the middle who was my favorite babysitter; and Patti Theriault, who is only a year older than me, and who, every Thanksgiving, I would manage to aggravate to the point where she'd punch me out, the assault choreographed to occur just as Uncle Eddie entered the room, thus getting her in trouble and giving me control of the television for the balance of the day. Hey. Every family has its traditions, okay?

Aunt Dorothy was the mother-in-law of Dr. Reynolds Brissenden, Milton Siesky and Louis Theriault; grandmother of Robyn Chapman (Andy), Rennie Brissenden (Meghan) Hollie Ulanowicz (Richard) and Halie Theriault; great-grandmother to four whose names escape me at the moment; and the great-great aunt of my granddaughter, Leanna Salopek.

She was an active member of St. John-Mark Lutheran Church in Homestead for over 50 years, serving on the Church Council and as a member of the Ladies Aide Guild, making plum puddings and serving Kiwanis dinners.

The family will receive friends Thursday from 2-4 pm and 7-9 pm at George Irvin Green Funeral Home, 3511 Main Street, Munhall. Services will be held Friday at 10 am at St. John-Mark Lutheran Church, 10th & Ann St., Homestead. In lieu of flowers, memorial donations may be made to the Endowment Fund of St. John-Mark Lutheran Church, 225 East 10th Avenue, Homestead, PA 15120.

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posted by KGB at 8:17 AM (permalink)

Product of the day

(via thinkgeek.com)

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Monday, May 12, 2008
posted by KGB at 10:22 PM (permalink)

Hillary has a mole or two...

It appears Hillary has someone on her staff who's either not precisely loyal or has a rather twisted sense of humor.

Note the two highlighted items from a capture of a video posted on her web site. While the announcer talks about her supporting a summer gas tax cut, the background image clearly says, "Clinton aides admit it won't do much for you but would help her politically." The foreground headline, "Obama attacks Clinton's gas tax plan" is stuck on top of a newspaper story about the Troopergate scandal.

Ouch.

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posted by KGB at 4:02 PM (permalink)

Quotes of the day

George Carlin (b. May 12, 1937)

Always do whatever's next.

An optimist sees a glass half full. A pessimist sees a glass half empty. I see a glass twice the size that it needs to be.

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

Evolution is slow. Smallpox is fast.

George Washington's brother was the uncle of our country.

Hard work is for people short on talent.

I have as much authority as the Pope... I just don't have as many people who believe it.

I have yet to see a man getting a blow job yell "Stop, or I'll call the police."

I think people should be allowed to do whatever they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work.

I think, therefore I am. I think.

I went straight from shenanigans to crimes against humanity.

I worry about my judgment when anything I believe in or do regularly begins to be accepted by the American public.

I'm an alpha male on beta blockers.

If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it's hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side?

If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

In comic strips the person on the left always speaks first.

Just because you get the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus leaves town.

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

One good reason for maintaining only a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.

People are okay taken two or three at a time. Beyond that number they tend to choose up sides and wear armbands.

People say when you die, you can't take it with you. Well, that depends on what it is. If it's your dark blue suit, you can certainly take it with you.

People who drive faster than I do are maniacs, and people who drive slower than me are idiots.

Put two things together which have never been put together before, and some schmuck will buy it.

Regarding the Boy Scouts, I'm very suspicious of any organization that has a handbook.

Religion is sort of like a lift in your shoes. If it makes you feel better, fine. Just don't ask me to wear your shoes.

That's the whole secret of life. Life is a series of dogs.

The bigger they are, the worse they smell.

The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other going in opposite directions.

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.

The word bipartisan means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out.

There is mileage, footage and yardage. Why is there no inchage?

There is no present. There is only the immediate future and the recent past.

We will never be an advanced civilization as long as rain showers can delay the launching of a space rocket.

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

When fascism comes to this country, it won't be wearing jackboots; it'll be wearing sneakers with lights in them, and it'll have a smiley face and a Michael Jordan T-shirt on.

When I got out of high school they retired my jersey, but it was for hygiene and sanitary reasons.

When you're born in this world, you're given a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America you're given a front row seat.

Where does the dentist go when he leaves the room?

Where ideas are concerned, America can be counted on to do one of two things: take a good idea and run it completely into the ground, or take a bad idea and run it completely into the ground.

Why are there no recreational drugs taken in suppository form?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who would be willing to test any drug they could come up with.

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.

You know the one group I never criticize? Politicians. Politicians are put there by the public. Garbage in, garbage out. You get the leadership you deserve.

You live eighty years, and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic.

You show me something that doesn't cause cancer, and I'll show you something that isn't on the market yet.

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Sunday, May 11, 2008
posted by KGB at 5:57 AM (permalink)

re: Mother's Day

(via PostSecret)

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Copyright © 1987-2024 by Kevin G. Barkes
All rights reserved.
Violators will be prosecuted.
So there.  
The kgb@kgb.com e-mail address is now something other than kgb@kgb.com saga.
kgbreport.com used to be kgb.com until December, 2007 when the domain name broker Trout Zimmer made an offer I couldn't refuse. Giving up kgb.com and adopting kgbreport.com created a significant problem, however. I had acquired the kgb.com domain name in 1993, and had since that time used kgb@kgb.com as my sole e-mail address. How to let people know that kgb@kgb.com was no longer kgb@kgb.com but rather kgbarkes@gmail.com which is longer than kgb@kgb.com and more letters to type than kgb@kgb.com and somehow less aesthetically pleasing than kgb@kgb.com but actually just as functional as kgb@kgb.com? I sent e-mails from the kgb@kgb.com address to just about everybody I knew who had used kgb@kgb.com in the past decade and a half but noticed that some people just didn't seem to get the word about the kgb@kgb.com change. So it occurred to me that if I were generate some literate, valid text in which kgb@kgb.com was repeated numerous times and posted it on a bunch of different pages- say, a blog indexed by Google- that someone looking for kgb@kgb.com would notice this paragraph repeated in hundreds of locations, would read it, and figure out that kgb@kgb.com no longer is the kgb@kgb.com they thought it was. That's the theory, anyway. kgb@kgb.com. Ok, I'm done. Move along. Nothing to see here...