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ISSN: 1525-898X
Observations by and for the vaguely disenchanted by Kevin G. Barkes

 

Conceived above a saloon, delivered into this world by a masked man identified by his heavily sedated mother as Captain Video, raised by a kindly West Virginian woman, a mild-mannered former reporter with modest delusions of grandeur and no tolerance of idiots and the intellectually dishonest.

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network solutions made me a child pornographer!
The sordid details...

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Anniversary

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Requiem for a fictional Scotsman

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Oh my God! They killed Library!! Those bastards!!!

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Elegy to a Mostly Maine Coon

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It's a Hap-Hap-Happy Day

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A Pittsburgher in the Really Big City

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Da Burg Annat

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I Have Issues

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Yeah, yeah, I'm inspired

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At least the rivers freeze in Pittsburgh

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He knows if yinz is a jagoff

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Please support KGB Report by making your amazon.com purchases through our affiliate link:
 

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dcl dialogue online!

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no. we're not that kgb.

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KGB, CIA linked

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The Carbolic Smoke Ball
Superb satire, and based in Pittsburgh!

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Americans United for Separation of Church and State

"No religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States."
Article VI, U.S. Constitution

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Geek of the Week, 7/16/2000

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Cruel Site of the Day, 7/15/2000

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miscellany

Hard to describe.

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"a breezy writing style and a cool mix of tidbits"

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Our riveting and morally compelling...

Privacy statement

Beware the ire of the calm.
  -Muriel Spark
 

One of  52,450 random quotes. Please CTRL-F5 to refresh the page.

	kgbreport.com Web

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(July 2000 and earlier)

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Saturday, December 29, 2007
posted by KGB at 12:50 AM (permalink)

Some things never change

Who says American foreign policy is inconsistent? This brilliant ditty was written and performed by Tom Lehrer in 1964.

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Friday, December 28, 2007
posted by KGB at 4:29 PM (permalink)

Warning of the day

Beware of topless female sunbathers in public parks who put their feet on your shoulders and ask to see your genitalia. Some may not consider it just friendly reciprocation.

(Which reminds reader Doug Elrod of Crow's line in "Aquatic Wizards": "Say, you are friendly, aren't you?" See here around 5:24.)

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posted by KGB at 8:59 AM (permalink)

Quote of the day

Helen Keller said that whenever one door closes, another door opens.
Please God, don't let me start wondering how she discovered this concept.
-The Covert Comic

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Wednesday, December 26, 2007
posted by KGB at 8:01 PM (permalink)

And don't get me started on that "full moon" crap...

The idea that the "holiday blues" could drive one to consider jumping off a bridge has been with us since the Christmas classic It's a Wonderful Life. And, like the movie, it's fiction. Studies show suicides go down over the holidays by as much as 40 percent. One Oxford researcher told The Los Angeles Times that studies contradict the popular view of Christmas as a time of stress and arguments. And remember, George Bailey didn't jump. (via NPR)

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Monday, December 24, 2007
posted by KGB at 12:45 AM (permalink)

Lost in translation

Sometimes it seems the purpose of religion, especially in the hands of fanatics, is to wreak havoc on the very fabric of civilization. I've always been bothered by the term fundamentalist, because persons fitting the contemporary definition of that word actually seem to have abandoned the fundamental tenets of their beliefs.

So, to my friends and readers who have embraced the philosophy of Jesus Christ, please consider the following, from the Christmas carol O Holy Night:

     Truly He taught us to love one another;
     His law is love and His gospel is peace.
     Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother;
     And in His name all oppression shall cease.


My daughter Sara Salopek performed the song yesterday during our church's early morning contemporary service, accompanied on piano by my good friend Peter Stumpf. You can listen to it here. I suggest you right click on the link and save it to your hard drive; it isn't a streaming site.

Merry Christmas from the whole cast here at KGB Report...

Kevin
Cindy
Beanie
Deja
Lucy
Quark
Misty
Sassy
Riley

and
Pumpkin
as
"that cat"

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Sunday, December 23, 2007
posted by KGB at 6:24 AM (permalink)

Quote of the day

Christmas is a strange season. We sing songs in front of dead trees and eat candy out of our socks.
-Maxine greeting card (by John Wagner)

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Copyright © 1987-2025 by Kevin G. Barkes
All rights reserved.
Violators will be prosecuted.
So there.  
The kgb@kgb.com e-mail address is now something other than kgb@kgb.com saga.
kgbreport.com used to be kgb.com until December, 2007 when the domain name broker Trout Zimmer made an offer I couldn't refuse. Giving up kgb.com and adopting kgbreport.com created a significant problem, however. I had acquired the kgb.com domain name in 1993, and had since that time used kgb@kgb.com as my sole e-mail address. How to let people know that kgb@kgb.com was no longer kgb@kgb.com but rather kgbarkes@gmail.com which is longer than kgb@kgb.com and more letters to type than kgb@kgb.com and somehow less aesthetically pleasing than kgb@kgb.com but actually just as functional as kgb@kgb.com? I sent e-mails from the kgb@kgb.com address to just about everybody I knew who had used kgb@kgb.com in the past decade and a half but noticed that some people just didn't seem to get the word about the kgb@kgb.com change. So it occurred to me that if I were generate some literate, valid text in which kgb@kgb.com was repeated numerous times and posted it on a bunch of different pages- say, a blog indexed by Google- that someone looking for kgb@kgb.com would notice this paragraph repeated in hundreds of locations, would read it, and figure out that kgb@kgb.com no longer is the kgb@kgb.com they thought it was. That's the theory, anyway. kgb@kgb.com. Ok, I'm done. Move along. Nothing to see here...