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ISSN: 1525-898X
Observations by and for the vaguely disenchanted by Kevin G. Barkes

 

Conceived above a saloon, delivered into this world by a masked man identified by his heavily sedated mother as Captain Video, raised by a kindly West Virginian woman, a mild-mannered former reporter with modest delusions of grandeur and no tolerance of idiots and the intellectually dishonest.

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network solutions made me a child pornographer!
The sordid details...

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Anniversary

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Requiem for a fictional Scotsman

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Oh my God! They killed Library!! Those bastards!!!

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Elegy to a Mostly Maine Coon

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It's a Hap-Hap-Happy Day

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A Pittsburgher in the Really Big City

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Da Burg Annat

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I Have Issues

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Yeah, yeah, I'm inspired

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At least the rivers freeze in Pittsburgh

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He knows if yinz is a jagoff

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Please support KGB Report by making your amazon.com purchases through our affiliate link:
 

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dcl dialogue online!

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no. we're not that kgb.

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KGB, CIA linked

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The Carbolic Smoke Ball
Superb satire, and based in Pittsburgh!

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Americans United for Separation of Church and State

"No religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States."
Article VI, U.S. Constitution

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Geek of the Week, 7/16/2000

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Cruel Site of the Day, 7/15/2000

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miscellany

Hard to describe.

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"a breezy writing style and a cool mix of tidbits"

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Our riveting and morally compelling...

Privacy statement

One of  52,450 random quotes. Please CTRL-F5 to refresh the page.

	kgbreport.com Web

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(July 2000 and earlier)

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Friday, December 07, 2007
posted by KGB at 6:40 AM (permalink)

Photo of the day

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Thursday, December 06, 2007
posted by KGB at 5:24 AM (permalink)

Here they come a-weaseling...

In the spirit of the season, I'm sending the following in the form of a greeting card to all the spineless, corporate-owned Democrats who were elected during the mid-terms solely on the basis of being Not Republican and who still, somehow, seemed to have missed the mandate they were handed by an angered citizenry:

I offer, without obligation -either explicit or implicit- my forthright felicitations and sincere wishes that the coming weeks, which may- dependent upon your unique and personal ideological perspective, encompass a series of deistically oriented and/or telluric events with which you may, or may not, at your sole and unilateral discretion, associate either substantial or inconsequential significance, transpire in a manner through which you achieve or transcend your expectations, should you possess them.

And Happy New Year, too.

You weasel.

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Wednesday, December 05, 2007
posted by KGB at 8:00 AM (permalink)

Bad taste, revisited

The return of Don Imus to the airwaves prompted a review of what I had written about his fall from grace. Re-reading the entry jogged my memory, a few inquiries with some search engines and -ta da!- my nominee for the funniest cartoon of all time:

(Copyright © Sam Gross)

My good fortune continued... a check of amazon.com revealed Sam Gross' I Am Blind and My Dog Is Dead is now back in print in a lovely hardcover edition, just in time for the holidays. You know what to do.

A large collection of Gross' New Yorker cartoons is available at Cartoon Bank; they can be purchased on-line as high-quality prints or t-shirts.

But, alas, I Am Blind and My Dog Is Dead, inked during his tenure as cartoon editor of the National Lampoon, isn't among them.

Who would have thought bad taste would be in such short supply?

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Tuesday, December 04, 2007
posted by KGB at 4:35 AM (permalink)

Sorry, the cat's used up all her minutes...

Can I give you the dog's daytime phone and have her take a message?

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Monday, December 03, 2007
posted by KGB at 4:21 PM (permalink)

Mummified dinosaur found

Scientists today announced the discovery of an extraordinarily preserved "dinosaur mummy" with much of its tissues and bones still encased in an uncollapsed envelope of skin.

Preliminary studies of the 67-million-year-old hadrosaur, named Dakota, are already altering theories of what the ancient creatures' skin looked like and how quickly they moved, project researchers say. (Photo here.)

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posted by KGB at 2:52 PM (permalink)

Quote of the day

Dick Cheney is still a war criminal, Hillary Clinton is still Satan and I'm back on the radio.

We signed for five years, and one reason I did is it's going to take that long to get even with everybody.

-Don Imus, on his new show on WABC.

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posted by KGB at 7:52 AM (permalink)

Divine data retention

Just in time for Christmas. (via Rafal Sulejman)

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Copyright © 1987-2025 by Kevin G. Barkes
All rights reserved.
Violators will be prosecuted.
So there.  
The kgb@kgb.com e-mail address is now something other than kgb@kgb.com saga.
kgbreport.com used to be kgb.com until December, 2007 when the domain name broker Trout Zimmer made an offer I couldn't refuse. Giving up kgb.com and adopting kgbreport.com created a significant problem, however. I had acquired the kgb.com domain name in 1993, and had since that time used kgb@kgb.com as my sole e-mail address. How to let people know that kgb@kgb.com was no longer kgb@kgb.com but rather kgbarkes@gmail.com which is longer than kgb@kgb.com and more letters to type than kgb@kgb.com and somehow less aesthetically pleasing than kgb@kgb.com but actually just as functional as kgb@kgb.com? I sent e-mails from the kgb@kgb.com address to just about everybody I knew who had used kgb@kgb.com in the past decade and a half but noticed that some people just didn't seem to get the word about the kgb@kgb.com change. So it occurred to me that if I were generate some literate, valid text in which kgb@kgb.com was repeated numerous times and posted it on a bunch of different pages- say, a blog indexed by Google- that someone looking for kgb@kgb.com would notice this paragraph repeated in hundreds of locations, would read it, and figure out that kgb@kgb.com no longer is the kgb@kgb.com they thought it was. That's the theory, anyway. kgb@kgb.com. Ok, I'm done. Move along. Nothing to see here...