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ISSN: 1525-898X
Observations by and for the vaguely disenchanted by Kevin G. Barkes

 

Conceived above a saloon, delivered into this world by a masked man identified by his heavily sedated mother as Captain Video, raised by a kindly West Virginian woman, a mild-mannered former reporter with modest delusions of grandeur and no tolerance of idiots and the intellectually dishonest.

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network solutions made me a child pornographer!
The sordid details...

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Anniversary

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Requiem for a fictional Scotsman

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Oh my God! They killed Library!! Those bastards!!!

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Elegy to a Mostly Maine Coon

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It's a Hap-Hap-Happy Day

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A Pittsburgher in the Really Big City

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Da Burg Annat

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I Have Issues

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Yeah, yeah, I'm inspired

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At least the rivers freeze in Pittsburgh

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He knows if yinz is a jagoff

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Please support KGB Report by making your amazon.com purchases through our affiliate link:
 

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dcl dialogue online!

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no. we're not that kgb.

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KGB, CIA linked

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The Carbolic Smoke Ball
Superb satire, and based in Pittsburgh!

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Americans United for Separation of Church and State

"No religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States."
Article VI, U.S. Constitution

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Geek of the Week, 7/16/2000

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Cruel Site of the Day, 7/15/2000

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miscellany

Hard to describe.

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"a breezy writing style and a cool mix of tidbits"

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Our riveting and morally compelling...

Privacy statement

One of  52,041 random quotes. Please CTRL-F5 to refresh the page.

	kgbreport.com Web

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(July 2000 and earlier)

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Saturday, September 29, 2007
posted by KGB at 12:00 AM (permalink)

Quote of the day

If we really care for our kids, we should deny them health insurance now to immunize them against expecting it as adults. If we don't, when they grow up, who knows what other unrealistic things they're going to expect? You know, if we fund Head Start now, later, they'll expect education. If we fund school lunches now, later, they'll expect food.
-Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report

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Friday, September 28, 2007
posted by KGB at 12:00 PM (permalink)

Am our President Dumb?

Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?- George W. Bush, 2000

"As yesterday's positive report card shows, childrens do learn when standards are high and results are measured."
-George W. Bush, New York, Sept. 26, 2007"

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posted by KGB at 12:00 AM (permalink)

Just a friendly word of advice...

If you publish a free newspaper or advertising flyer, perhaps it's not a good idea to deliver it the night before rubbish pickup.

Every Friday morning I take out the garbage. Every Friday morning I find a newspaper, neatly inserted into a plastic bag and wrapped with a rubber band, carefully placed at the edge of my driveway.

As a former paperboy, I'm impressed. A lot of care and effort went into the preparation and presentation. Every Friday I pick up the package, admire the tight wrap of the newsprint, the snugness of the plastic sleeve, the double twisted wrap of the rubber band.

Then the cognitive processes kick in. I awoke a half-hour earlier than usual in order to rummage through the house and gather the previous week's debris. A lot of that debris consisted of printed material. Do I really want to carry this newspaper into the house where it will have the dubious honor of being the first item of needless clutter for the next week?

I open the garbage bag, look at the pristine package of potential news and money-saving offers, and toss it on top of last week's New Yorker and this morning's coffee grounds.

But not without a tinge of regret.

Change your delivery to Wednesday evenings, whoever you are. I already have to deal with enough guilt.

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Wednesday, September 26, 2007
posted by KGB at 12:00 AM (permalink)

News item of the day

"Sun Microsystems Inc., through case studies of two large corporate data center operations and anecdotal analysis of efforts with many customers, believes that 8% to 10% of all servers in large corporations have no identifiable function." (Computerworld)

Which means that computers have finally achieved parity with human employees in large corporations. Betcha the servers in question perform middle-management operations.

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Tuesday, September 25, 2007
posted by KGB at 12:00 PM (permalink)

Quote of the day

Do not the most moving moments of our lives find us without words?-Marcel Marceau
(via David Kifer on alt.quotations Usenet newsgroup)

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posted by KGB at 12:00 AM (permalink)

Photo of the day

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Monday, September 24, 2007
posted by KGB at 12:00 PM (permalink)

Cartoon of the day

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posted by KGB at 12:00 AM (permalink)

Out of the loop

Ah. There actually are modern protest songs. My faith in the youth of this nation is partially restored...

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Copyright © 1987-2024 by Kevin G. Barkes
All rights reserved.
Violators will be prosecuted.
So there.  
The kgb@kgb.com e-mail address is now something other than kgb@kgb.com saga.
kgbreport.com used to be kgb.com until December, 2007 when the domain name broker Trout Zimmer made an offer I couldn't refuse. Giving up kgb.com and adopting kgbreport.com created a significant problem, however. I had acquired the kgb.com domain name in 1993, and had since that time used kgb@kgb.com as my sole e-mail address. How to let people know that kgb@kgb.com was no longer kgb@kgb.com but rather kgbarkes@gmail.com which is longer than kgb@kgb.com and more letters to type than kgb@kgb.com and somehow less aesthetically pleasing than kgb@kgb.com but actually just as functional as kgb@kgb.com? I sent e-mails from the kgb@kgb.com address to just about everybody I knew who had used kgb@kgb.com in the past decade and a half but noticed that some people just didn't seem to get the word about the kgb@kgb.com change. So it occurred to me that if I were generate some literate, valid text in which kgb@kgb.com was repeated numerous times and posted it on a bunch of different pages- say, a blog indexed by Google- that someone looking for kgb@kgb.com would notice this paragraph repeated in hundreds of locations, would read it, and figure out that kgb@kgb.com no longer is the kgb@kgb.com they thought it was. That's the theory, anyway. kgb@kgb.com. Ok, I'm done. Move along. Nothing to see here...