Conceived above a saloon, delivered into this world by a masked man identified by his heavily sedated mother as Captain Video, raised by a kindly West Virginian woman, a mild-mannered former reporter with modest delusions of grandeur and no tolerance of idiots and the intellectually dishonest.

network solutions made me a child pornographer!
The sordid details...


Requiem for a fictional Scotsman

Oh my God! They killed Library!! Those bastards!!!

Elegy to a Mostly Maine Coon

It's a Hap-Hap-Happy Day

A Pittsburgher in the Really Big City

Da Burg Annat

I Have Issues

Yeah, yeah, I'm inspired

At least the rivers freeze in Pittsburgh

He knows if yinz is a jagoff

Please support KGB Report by making your purchases through our affiliate link:

dcl dialogue online!

I Love DCL

no. we're not that kgb.

Cool Spinny Thingy!

KGB, CIA linked

The Carbolic Smoke Ball
Superb satire, and based in Pittsburgh!

Americans United for Separation of Church and State

"No religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States."
Article VI, U.S. Constitution

Geek of the Week, 7/16/2000

Geek of the Week

Cruel Site of the Day, 7/15/2000

Cruel Site of the Day (7/15/2000)


Hard to describe.

"a breezy writing style and a cool mix of tidbits"

USA Today Hotsite

Our riveting and morally compelling...

Privacy statement

One of  52,041 random quotes. Please CTRL-F5 to refresh the page.

Google Web

(July 2000 and earlier)

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Quote of the day

I've realized my dream that noodles can go into space.
-Momofuku Ando,
instant ramen noodle inventor, who died this week of heart failure at age 96, upon learning ramen noodles were on the menu of the space shuttle Discovery in 2005. Ando's company, Nissin, sold 46.3 billion servings last year.

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Review excerpt of the day

From "Genetic Park," Dave Itzikoff's review of Michael Crichton's novel Next:

... surely history should reserve a special place for the day in 2005 when Michael Crichton was invited to the White House to meet with George W. Bush. Imagine: the modern era's leading purveyor of alarmist fiction seated side by side with Michael Crichton.
-NY Times Book Review, Jan. 7, 2007, p. 8

William C. Waterhouse
Penn State
(from the alt.quotations Usenet newsgroup)

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Friday, January 12, 2007

Quote of the day

The good news: Last night President Bush admitted he's made some mistakes in Iraq. The bad news: he's planning on making the same mistakes again.
-Jay Leno

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Thursday, January 11, 2007

Set your Tivo

8 p.m. "Independence Day"

An armada of ruthless aliens descend with plans to destroy civilization with a combination of high-powered laser beams, stupid subplots and bad performances by B-list actors. (1996) ABC Family.

Marin Independent Journal

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Wednesday, January 10, 2007

I know it shouldn't make a difference...

...but knowing that Maya Angelou and Ayn Rand were born Marguerite Johnson and Alisa Rosenbaum kind of takes the bounce out of my step.

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Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Don't assault snowmen in South Park...

(from the January Park News Police Blotter:)

A resident from Brownsville Road called the South Park Police Department to report an assault with a weapon. The SPPD discovered that the resident had placed an inflatable snowman in his front yard. The resident's uncle did not agree with the location and shot the snowman with a shotgun. The SPPD observed the deflated snowman with a shotgun hole in it and recovered a 20-gauge shotgun shell casing. The resident stated that he was within ten feet of the snowman when his uncle shot it. The SPPD located the uncle and arrested him for aggravated assault with a weapon, reckless endangerment, and firearm discharge violations.

(Unanswered questions: can you be arrested for assaulting a Christmas decoration? Did the police draw an outline of the deflated snowman on the yard? Did someone notify Bill O'Reilly about such an egregious act in the War on Christmas?)

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Copyright © 1987-2024 by Kevin G. Barkes
All rights reserved.
Violators will be prosecuted.
So there.  
The e-mail address is now something other than saga. used to be until December, 2007 when the domain name broker Trout Zimmer made an offer I couldn't refuse. Giving up and adopting created a significant problem, however. I had acquired the domain name in 1993, and had since that time used as my sole e-mail address. How to let people know that was no longer but rather which is longer than and more letters to type than and somehow less aesthetically pleasing than but actually just as functional as I sent e-mails from the address to just about everybody I knew who had used in the past decade and a half but noticed that some people just didn't seem to get the word about the change. So it occurred to me that if I were generate some literate, valid text in which was repeated numerous times and posted it on a bunch of different pages- say, a blog indexed by Google- that someone looking for would notice this paragraph repeated in hundreds of locations, would read it, and figure out that no longer is the they thought it was. That's the theory, anyway. Ok, I'm done. Move along. Nothing to see here...


Crystal Methodist

Laugh while you can, monkey-boy

I am a professional. Do not try this at home.

I canna change the laws of physics

As a matter of fact, I *am* the boss of you.
(as a matter of fact, i AM the boss of you.)

Truly great madness cannot be achieved without signficant intelligence

I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

Left wing liberal nut job

Flies spread disease. Keep yours zipped.

Eff the ineffable, scrute the inscrutable.

If my answers frighten you then you should cease asking scary questions.

If evolution is just a theory, why am I surrounded by monkeys?

Nutrition makes me puke

Feral Geek

eat wisely

Dyslexics have more fnu!

It's here!

Eff and Scrute

440 pages, over 11,000 quotations!

Eff the Ineffable, Scrute the Inscrutable

get kgb krap!

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