Conceived above a saloon, delivered into this world by a masked man identified by his heavily sedated mother as Captain Video, raised by a kindly West Virginian woman, a mild-mannered former reporter with modest delusions of grandeur and no tolerance of idiots and the intellectually dishonest.
network solutions made me a child pornographer!
The sordid details...
Please support KGB Report by making your amazon.com purchases through our affiliate link:
dcl dialogue online!
no. we're not that kgb.
The Carbolic Smoke Ball
Superb satire, and based in Pittsburgh!
"No religious Test shall ever be required as a
Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the
Article VI, U.S. Constitution
Geek of the Week, 7/16/2000
Cruel Site of the Day, 7/15/2000
"a breezy writing style and a cool mix of tidbits"
Our riveting and morally compelling...
One of 51,815 random quotes. Please CTRL-F5 to refresh the page.
Saturday, April 08, 2006
You forgot Delusional...
The Seven Dwarves of Menopause: Itchy, Bitchy, Sweaty, Sleepy, Bloated, Forgetful, and Psycho.
Friday, April 07, 2006
Somewhat more innocuous quote of the day...
Logic has no feelings.
-Henry Malmodin, Senior system developer
Forgive me, for I have quoted...
An ounce of mother may be worth a ton of priest, but six inches of priest is now worth several million dollars.
The Covert Comic
Thursday, April 06, 2006
It's all relative
In this morning's Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, Peter Leo notes in "The Morning File" column that the Germans have the highest IQs in Europe. Which reminds me of an observation by my friend, Dave McNeill: "No wonder the Germans thought they were the master race. They have France on one side and Poland on the other."
Headline of the day
From The Onion:
"...he looks forward to spending more time alienating his family and cheating on his wife."
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Quote of the day
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Quote of the day (inside joke edition)
Don't ask for a light load, but rather ask for a strong back.
(Or a four-wheel dolly from Daniel's Hardware.)
From Zay Smith's QT column in the Chicago Sun-Times:
News Headline: "Indiana goes on daylight-saving time."
News Headline: "Suspected tornadoes sweep across Indiana."
Still awaiting word from Pat Robertson.
Mr. Smith has an interesting perspective. Commenting on a headline citing a study that churchgoers live longer, he observes, "Doesn't that mean people who don't go to church can get to heaven first?"
Incidentally, that 01:02:03 business I noted in a prior post was also in his column this morning, but Dave Anderson sent me the email first.
It would be much simpler if the guy who sits around and thinks up these things would just start his own blog. Then I could get some extra sleep in the morning instead of writing this stuff. Except now I know I'll be awake at 01:02:03 tomorrow morning...
Set the alarm.
Early tomorrow morning, at two minutes and three seconds after one o'clock, the time and date will be 01:02:03 04/05/06. (Thanks to Dave Anderson for pointing this out.)
If you're not a strict observer of military time, you can keep your sleep schedule intact and wait until 01:02:03 pm tomorrow afternoon. Purists will claim it's 13:02:03, but I've always found the concept of 13 o'clock to be somewhat unsettling.
If you use the alternate calendar notation method, tomorrow is 05/04/06, and you folks will have to wait until May 4.
Everyone clear? Everyone tingly with anticipation? Good. You're welcome.
Monday, April 03, 2006
Quote of the day
It's a sad fact that fifty percent of marriages in this country end in divorce. But hey, the other half end in death. You could be one of the lucky ones!
Sunday, April 02, 2006
Quote of the day
The idea of Daylight Saving time is like trying to be taller by cutting off your head and standing on it.
Copyright © 1987-2019 by Kevin G. Barkes
All rights reserved.
Violators will be prosecuted.
The email@example.com e-mail address is now something other than firstname.lastname@example.org saga.
kgbreport.com used to be kgb.com until December, 2007 when the domain name broker Trout Zimmer made an offer I couldn't refuse. Giving up kgb.com and adopting kgbreport.com created a significant problem, however. I had acquired the kgb.com domain name in 1993, and had since that time used email@example.com as my sole e-mail address. How to let people know that firstname.lastname@example.org was no longer email@example.com but rather firstname.lastname@example.org which is longer than email@example.com and more letters to type than firstname.lastname@example.org and somehow less aesthetically pleasing than email@example.com but actually just as functional as firstname.lastname@example.org? I sent e-mails from the email@example.com address to just about everybody I knew who had used firstname.lastname@example.org in the past decade and a half but noticed that some people just didn't seem to get the word about the email@example.com change. So it occurred to me that if I were generate some literate, valid text in which firstname.lastname@example.org was repeated numerous times and posted it on a bunch of different pages- say, a blog indexed by Google- that someone looking for email@example.com would notice this paragraph repeated in hundreds of locations, would read it, and figure out that firstname.lastname@example.org no longer is the email@example.com they thought it was. That's the theory, anyway. firstname.lastname@example.org. Ok, I'm done. Move along. Nothing to see here...
440 pages, over 11,000 quotations!
get kgb krap!