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ISSN: 1525-898X
Observations by and for the vaguely disenchanted by Kevin G. Barkes

 

Conceived above a saloon, delivered into this world by a masked man identified by his heavily sedated mother as Captain Video, raised by a kindly West Virginian woman, a mild-mannered former reporter with modest delusions of grandeur and no tolerance of idiots and the intellectually dishonest.

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network solutions made me a child pornographer!
The sordid details...

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Anniversary

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Requiem for a fictional Scotsman

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Oh my God! They killed Library!! Those bastards!!!

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Elegy to a Mostly Maine Coon

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It's a Hap-Hap-Happy Day

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A Pittsburgher in the Really Big City

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Da Burg Annat

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I Have Issues

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Yeah, yeah, I'm inspired

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At least the rivers freeze in Pittsburgh

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He knows if yinz is a jagoff

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Please support KGB Report by making your amazon.com purchases through our affiliate link:
 

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dcl dialogue online!

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no. we're not that kgb.

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KGB, CIA linked

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The Carbolic Smoke Ball
Superb satire, and based in Pittsburgh!

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Americans United for Separation of Church and State

"No religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States."
Article VI, U.S. Constitution

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Geek of the Week, 7/16/2000

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Cruel Site of the Day, 7/15/2000

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miscellany

Hard to describe.

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"a breezy writing style and a cool mix of tidbits"

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Our riveting and morally compelling...

Privacy statement

One of  52,041 random quotes. Please CTRL-F5 to refresh the page.

	kgbreport.com Web

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(July 2000 and earlier)

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Friday, January 21, 2005
posted by KGB at 6:03 AM (permalink)

Headline of the day

Bush Begins New Term, Vows to End Tyranny (AP)

That's good news. Oh. Not here.

Never mind.

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posted by KGB at 3:58 AM (permalink)

Both sides of the coin

Some, I know, have questioned the global appeal of liberty- though this time in history, four decades defined by the swiftest advance of freedom ever seen, is an odd time for doubt. Americans, of all people, should never be surprised by the power of our ideals.
-George W. Bush, second inaugural address, Jan. 20, 2005

Despotism has so often been established in the name of liberty that experience should warn us to judge parties by their practices rather than their preachings.
-Raymond Aron, The Opium of the Intellectuals

(Thanks to The Sanity Inspector on alt.quotations)

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Thursday, January 20, 2005
posted by KGB at 6:37 AM (permalink)

This is just too easy.

Go ahead. Make up your own.

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posted by KGB at 6:27 AM (permalink)

Quote of the day

The office of the president is such a bastardized thing, half royalty and half democracy, that nobody knows whether to genuflect or spit.
-Jimmy Breslin

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Tuesday, January 18, 2005
posted by KGB at 2:14 PM (permalink)

Oh, swell

"CHICAGO (Reuters) - Krispy Kreme Doughnuts Inc., whose share price has collapsed as it faces a federal accounting probe and shareholder lawsuits, on Tuesday replaced its chairman and chief executive with a restructuring expert who currently runs Enron Corp."

Enron? Great. Now when you go into Krispy Kreme and order a box of doughnut holes, you'll get a box full of air. Well, they're holes, right?

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posted by KGB at 10:08 AM (permalink)

Good ol' Tom

You don't hear about Tom Hanks running around nights. You don't hear about Tom Hanks stealing. You don't read about Tom Hanks in The National Enquirer. That's what I like about Tom- he never gets caught.
-Jack Nicholson

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Monday, January 17, 2005
posted by KGB at 11:00 AM (permalink)

Graffiti of the day

Dyslexics have more fnu.
(thanks to Roo-Barb on alt.quotations)

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posted by KGB at 6:14 AM (permalink)

I don't understand...

...the "civic pride" that cities have in their sports teams. Professional athletes are just mercenaries, and to tie a community's image and self-esteem to groups who peddle their services to the highest bidders seems to be a rather bizarre way to promote the value of a town.

The priorities are skewed. Soon, minimum wage workers won't be able to get to their jobs on nights and weekends because the public transportation system is woefully underfunded.

But that same transportation system has no trouble putting on extra routes and drivers to ferry people to two sports stadiums built with public funds- and against the public's will- for the benefit of its millionaire owners.

Sports "heroes" are inspirational? I'm far more impressed by the woman waiting for a bus in the dark cold of a Sunday morning to take her to her job cleaning hospital rooms, or the medical student on the ramen noodle diet to the library.

Too bad the library's not open on Sunday. No money.

In the immortal words of that great humanitarian, Art Modell: "The pride and presence of a professional football team is far more important than 30 libraries."

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Sunday, January 16, 2005
posted by KGB at 2:09 PM (permalink)

One for my mom...

Sometimes I'm charmed by the fact that there are women with whom you can discuss the molecular theory of light all evening, and at the end they will ask you what is your birth sign.
-Roman Polanski

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posted by KGB at 11:18 AM (permalink)

A GW compilation

Bush is like McDonald's: pre-packaged, filled with empty calories and controlled by corporate interests.
-Paul Begala

In the Clinton administration, we worried the President would open his zipper. In the Bush administration, we worry the President will open his mouth.
-James Carville

Bush is like Reagan and Quayle had a kid.
-Will Durst

This is a guy who could not find oil in Texas.
-Al Franken

He has achieved the unusual feat of being simultaneously sinister and ridiculous.
-Roy Hattersly

Bush is unusually incurious, abnormally unintelligent, amazingly inarticulate, fantastically uncultured, extraordinarily uneducated, and apparently quite proud of all these things.
-Christopher Hitchens

Bush has surrounded himself with smart people the way a hole surrounds itself with a doughnut.
-Dennis Miller

The mentally retarded are treated equally in Texas. Some are executed, some are elected.
-Unattributed

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Copyright © 1987-2024 by Kevin G. Barkes
All rights reserved.
Violators will be prosecuted.
So there.  
The kgb@kgb.com e-mail address is now something other than kgb@kgb.com saga.
kgbreport.com used to be kgb.com until December, 2007 when the domain name broker Trout Zimmer made an offer I couldn't refuse. Giving up kgb.com and adopting kgbreport.com created a significant problem, however. I had acquired the kgb.com domain name in 1993, and had since that time used kgb@kgb.com as my sole e-mail address. How to let people know that kgb@kgb.com was no longer kgb@kgb.com but rather kgbarkes@gmail.com which is longer than kgb@kgb.com and more letters to type than kgb@kgb.com and somehow less aesthetically pleasing than kgb@kgb.com but actually just as functional as kgb@kgb.com? I sent e-mails from the kgb@kgb.com address to just about everybody I knew who had used kgb@kgb.com in the past decade and a half but noticed that some people just didn't seem to get the word about the kgb@kgb.com change. So it occurred to me that if I were generate some literate, valid text in which kgb@kgb.com was repeated numerous times and posted it on a bunch of different pages- say, a blog indexed by Google- that someone looking for kgb@kgb.com would notice this paragraph repeated in hundreds of locations, would read it, and figure out that kgb@kgb.com no longer is the kgb@kgb.com they thought it was. That's the theory, anyway. kgb@kgb.com. Ok, I'm done. Move along. Nothing to see here...