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ISSN: 1525-898X
Observations by and for the vaguely disenchanted by Kevin G. Barkes

 

Conceived above a saloon, delivered into this world by a masked man identified by his heavily sedated mother as Captain Video, raised by a kindly West Virginian woman, a mild-mannered former reporter with modest delusions of grandeur and no tolerance of idiots and the intellectually dishonest.

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network solutions made me a child pornographer!
The sordid details...

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Anniversary

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Requiem for a fictional Scotsman

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Oh my God! They killed Library!! Those bastards!!!

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Elegy to a Mostly Maine Coon

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It's a Hap-Hap-Happy Day

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A Pittsburgher in the Really Big City

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Da Burg Annat

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I Have Issues

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Yeah, yeah, I'm inspired

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At least the rivers freeze in Pittsburgh

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He knows if yinz is a jagoff

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Please support KGB Report by making your amazon.com purchases through our affiliate link:
 

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dcl dialogue online!

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no. we're not that kgb.

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KGB, CIA linked

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The Carbolic Smoke Ball
Superb satire, and based in Pittsburgh!

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Americans United for Separation of Church and State

"No religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States."
Article VI, U.S. Constitution

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Geek of the Week, 7/16/2000

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Cruel Site of the Day, 7/15/2000

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miscellany

Hard to describe.

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"a breezy writing style and a cool mix of tidbits"

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Our riveting and morally compelling...

Privacy statement

One of  52,059 random quotes. Please CTRL-F5 to refresh the page.

	kgbreport.com Web

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(July 2000 and earlier)

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Saturday, December 11, 2004
posted by KGB at 4:34 PM (permalink)

Thought of the day

I stood in my office, the light slicing through the Venetian blinds, and I looked down at the street. A street of disillusionment, where con artists and gangsters operate freely under one disguise or another, the insane preying on the ignorant, but as Thomas Jefferson wrote in 1798, after one of his defeats, "A little patience, and we shall see the reign of witches pass over, their spells dissolve, and the people, recovering their true sight, restore their government to its true principles. It is true that in the meantime we are suffering deeply in spirit, and incurring the horrors of a war and long oppressions of enormous public debt... If the game runs sometimes against us at home we must have patience till luck turns, and then we shall have an opportunity of winning back the principles we have lost, for this is a game where principles are at stake." Thank you, Mr. Jefferson.
-Garrison Keillor (on A Prairie Home Companion)

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Thursday, December 09, 2004
posted by KGB at 7:52 AM (permalink)

Maybe he thought it was a Snausage....

Police Dog Bites Nude Man in the Genitals

Dec 8, 10:26 PM (ET)

MINNEAPOLIS (AP) - A naked man was bit in the genitals by a police dog while being arrested for running nude and entering homes in a Minneapolis neighborhood. The man was taken to the hospital for treatment of his injuries.

According to police reports, a police canine unit found the nude suspect shortly after noon Tuesday in a house on the 5400 block of Park Avenue South.

While the officer was ordering the suspect out of the house, the suspect began hitting him, police said.

The dog, which was still leashed, bit the suspect to protect the officer.

Officer Ron Reier, a department spokesman, said police dogs are trained to bite if their partner is attacked. However, dogs are not trained to bite in the groin area. Reier said the dog likely just jumped and bit the man, who was moving around at the time.

"The dog did what the dog is trained to do, and that is protect his handler," Reier said.

After the man was bit, he continued to attack officers and police used a stun gun before eventually restraining him, police said.

The dog was removed from street duty while the incident is being reviewed, and the suspect is in police custody, Reier said.

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Wednesday, December 08, 2004
posted by KGB at 11:17 AM (permalink)

Woof.

(Thanks to Andy Green)

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Monday, December 06, 2004
posted by KGB at 11:29 AM (permalink)

Roll your own

Back in the days when KGB Consulting still existed, the phone calls would start around this time of year... people wanting a KGB Consulting pop-up tetradecagon calendar. (If the business had had as many customers as persons requesting calendars -sigh- but I digress.)

No, I'm not bringing them back; but now you can roll your own. Just go here and follow the instructions.

The site refers to the calendar shape as a "pentagon dodecahedron", but Stan Kelly-Bootle agrees with my nomenclature, since it's a 14-sided polygon, albeit three-dimensional.

Think of it as physical therapy. If you print it out on card stock and paste a rubber band inside, you can pretty closely emulate the pop-up quality of the originals.

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Sunday, December 05, 2004
posted by KGB at 10:44 AM (permalink)

Tom Ridge is gone...

... and I miss him already. This certainly doesn't bode well.

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Copyright © 1987-2025 by Kevin G. Barkes
All rights reserved.
Violators will be prosecuted.
So there.  
The kgb@kgb.com e-mail address is now something other than kgb@kgb.com saga.
kgbreport.com used to be kgb.com until December, 2007 when the domain name broker Trout Zimmer made an offer I couldn't refuse. Giving up kgb.com and adopting kgbreport.com created a significant problem, however. I had acquired the kgb.com domain name in 1993, and had since that time used kgb@kgb.com as my sole e-mail address. How to let people know that kgb@kgb.com was no longer kgb@kgb.com but rather kgbarkes@gmail.com which is longer than kgb@kgb.com and more letters to type than kgb@kgb.com and somehow less aesthetically pleasing than kgb@kgb.com but actually just as functional as kgb@kgb.com? I sent e-mails from the kgb@kgb.com address to just about everybody I knew who had used kgb@kgb.com in the past decade and a half but noticed that some people just didn't seem to get the word about the kgb@kgb.com change. So it occurred to me that if I were generate some literate, valid text in which kgb@kgb.com was repeated numerous times and posted it on a bunch of different pages- say, a blog indexed by Google- that someone looking for kgb@kgb.com would notice this paragraph repeated in hundreds of locations, would read it, and figure out that kgb@kgb.com no longer is the kgb@kgb.com they thought it was. That's the theory, anyway. kgb@kgb.com. Ok, I'm done. Move along. Nothing to see here...