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ISSN: 1525-898X
Observations by and for the vaguely disenchanted by Kevin G. Barkes

 

Conceived above a saloon, delivered into this world by a masked man identified by his heavily sedated mother as Captain Video, raised by a kindly West Virginian woman, a mild-mannered former reporter with modest delusions of grandeur and no tolerance of idiots and the intellectually dishonest.

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network solutions made me a child pornographer!
The sordid details...

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Anniversary

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Requiem for a fictional Scotsman

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Oh my God! They killed Library!! Those bastards!!!

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Elegy to a Mostly Maine Coon

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It's a Hap-Hap-Happy Day

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A Pittsburgher in the Really Big City

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Da Burg Annat

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I Have Issues

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Yeah, yeah, I'm inspired

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At least the rivers freeze in Pittsburgh

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He knows if yinz is a jagoff

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Please support KGB Report by making your amazon.com purchases through our affiliate link:
 

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dcl dialogue online!

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no. we're not that kgb.

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KGB, CIA linked

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The Carbolic Smoke Ball
Superb satire, and based in Pittsburgh!

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Americans United for Separation of Church and State

"No religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States."
Article VI, U.S. Constitution

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Geek of the Week, 7/16/2000

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Cruel Site of the Day, 7/15/2000

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miscellany

Hard to describe.

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"a breezy writing style and a cool mix of tidbits"

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Our riveting and morally compelling...

Privacy statement

One of  52,041 random quotes. Please CTRL-F5 to refresh the page.

	kgbreport.com Web

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(July 2000 and earlier)

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Friday, November 19, 2004
posted by KGB at 9:04 AM (permalink)

FDA...

...is apparently the Fatal Drug Administration:

(New York Times) WASHINGTON, Nov. 18 - Federal drug regulators are "virtually incapable of protecting America" from unsafe drugs, a federal drug safety reviewer told a Congressional panel on Thursday, and he named five drugs now on the market whose safety needs "to be seriously looked at."

In testimony before the Senate Finance Committee, Dr. David Graham, the reviewer in the Food and Drug Administration's Office of Drug Safety, used fiery language to denounce his agency as feckless and far too likely to surrender to demands of drug makers.

"We are faced with what may be the single greatest drug safety catastrophe in the history of this country or the history of the world," Dr. Graham concluded.

Dr. Steven Galson, the director of the F.D.A.'s Center for Drug Evaluation and Research and one of the agency's top civil servants, later said that Dr. Graham's new numbers "constitute junk science" and were "irresponsible."

(By the way, "feck" is a noun. It means effect, force or value, amount or quantity. The derivation of feckless is left as an exercise to the reader. Curiously, there is no feckful or, for that matter, feckish. I guess we're fecked.)

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posted by KGB at 5:40 AM (permalink)

In case you're counting...

There are two turkeys in this picture.

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Thursday, November 18, 2004
posted by KGB at 10:06 AM (permalink)

Brewskis for the baby Jesus...

It must be Religious Icon Odd News Week or something:

ADELAIDE, Australia (AP) - An Australian brewing company is offering six cases of beer to anyone who returns a statue of the baby Jesus stolen from a nativity scene earlier this week, brewery officials said Thursday.

The South Australian Brewing Company offered the reward after thieves swiped the statue from the company's traditional nativity display earlier this week.

Managing Director Mark Powell said security footage showed a man scaling a fence and lifting the baby Jesus from his manger.

"We are very concerned about the well-being of baby Jesus and we are calling for his swift and safe return," Powell said.

A reward of six cases of beer would be given to anyone who returns the statue, he said.

"That said, you would have thought that the incentive of a guaranteed exit through the right door after purgatory would be enough of an incentive in itself," Powell said.

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posted by KGB at 7:06 AM (permalink)

Quote of the day

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, DC. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
-Jay Leno

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Wednesday, November 17, 2004
posted by KGB at 2:27 PM (permalink)

How appropriate...

...that Bush's new Education Secretary is named Ms. Spellings.

WASHINGTON (AP) - President Bush on Wednesday named White House domestic policy adviser Margaret Spellings to be the nation's eighth education secretary.

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posted by KGB at 12:13 PM (permalink)

Holy mother of God, hold the mayo....

Yep, an actual Virgin Mary Grilled Cheese Sandwich.

I dunno. Who knows what Mary looked like? I'd be more impressed by a grilled cheese sandwich containing the image of, say, Bea Arthur.

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posted by KGB at 5:50 AM (permalink)

...of the day:

Quote of the day:
I'm an alpha male on beta blockers.-George Carlin

Tip of the day (1):
Coffeemaking is far more emotionally satisfying when the coffee is captured by the carafe, instead of flowing freely across the kitchen counter and floor.

Tip of the day (2):
Make certain you're awake before making coffee.

Obvious fact of the day:
Hot coffee can scald bare feet.

Day of the day:
It's Creative Alienation Day. Time to pull out the Nuke The Gay Whales for Christ bumper sticker.

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Tuesday, November 16, 2004
posted by KGB at 5:41 AM (permalink)

Everything old is new again...

When a candidate for public office faces the voters he does not face men of sense; he faces a mob of men whose chief distinguishing mark is that they are quite incapable of weighing ideas, or even of comprehending any save the most elemental - men whose whole thinking is done in terms of emotion, and whose dominant emotion is dread of what they cannot understand. So confronted, the candidate must either bark with the pack, or count himself lost. His one aim is to disarm suspicion, to arouse confidence in his orthodoxy, to avoid challenge. If he is a man of convictions, of enthusiasm, or self-respect, it is cruelly hard.

The larger the mob, the harder the test. In small areas, before small electorates, a first rate man occasionally fights his way through, carrying even a mob with him by the force of his personality. But when the field is nationwide, and the fight must be waged chiefly at second or third hand, and the force of personality cannot so readily make itself felt, then all the odds are on the man who is, intrinsically the most devious and mediocre - the man who can most adeptly disperse the notion that his mind is a virtual vacuum.

The Presidency tends, year by year, to go to such men. As democracy is perfected, the office represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. We move toward a lofty ideal. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their hearts desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.
-H.L. Mencken, The Baltimore Evening Sun, July 26, 1920

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Monday, November 15, 2004
posted by KGB at 10:43 AM (permalink)

Ouch.

Wonder what the shrapnel looked like?

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posted by KGB at 6:02 AM (permalink)

Quote of the day

Dangerous curves are marked, at least in Christian lands, by white wooden crosses positioned to make the curves even more dangerous. These crosses are memorials to people who've died in traffic accidents, and they give a rough statistical indication of how much trouble you're likely to have at that spot in the road. Thus, when you come through a curve in a full-power slide and are suddenly confronted with a veritable forest of crucifixes, you know you're dead.
-P.J. O'Rourke

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Copyright © 1987-2024 by Kevin G. Barkes
All rights reserved.
Violators will be prosecuted.
So there.  
The kgb@kgb.com e-mail address is now something other than kgb@kgb.com saga.
kgbreport.com used to be kgb.com until December, 2007 when the domain name broker Trout Zimmer made an offer I couldn't refuse. Giving up kgb.com and adopting kgbreport.com created a significant problem, however. I had acquired the kgb.com domain name in 1993, and had since that time used kgb@kgb.com as my sole e-mail address. How to let people know that kgb@kgb.com was no longer kgb@kgb.com but rather kgbarkes@gmail.com which is longer than kgb@kgb.com and more letters to type than kgb@kgb.com and somehow less aesthetically pleasing than kgb@kgb.com but actually just as functional as kgb@kgb.com? I sent e-mails from the kgb@kgb.com address to just about everybody I knew who had used kgb@kgb.com in the past decade and a half but noticed that some people just didn't seem to get the word about the kgb@kgb.com change. So it occurred to me that if I were generate some literate, valid text in which kgb@kgb.com was repeated numerous times and posted it on a bunch of different pages- say, a blog indexed by Google- that someone looking for kgb@kgb.com would notice this paragraph repeated in hundreds of locations, would read it, and figure out that kgb@kgb.com no longer is the kgb@kgb.com they thought it was. That's the theory, anyway. kgb@kgb.com. Ok, I'm done. Move along. Nothing to see here...