People are worried about genetically modified foods, but everything will
be fine. At least that's what my broccoli keeps saying.
-@Kelkulus
Confused about Pork Week. Is it Pork the verb or the noun?
-Joe
Garden
Just had a terrible nightmare where I wasn't effectively leveraging my
core competencies when applying best practices.
-Asterios Kokkinos
*Velociraptor jiggles bathroom door handle* "Someone's in here!"
*jiggling stops*
-Matt Roller
Taylor Swift seems like one of those chicks who thinks it's cute to put
her bare feet on the dashboard of a car when riding shotgun.
-Jenny
Johnson
"Quinoa is an ancient grain." It sure tastes like it.
-Jim
Gaffifan
How come nobody delivers donuts? Why is every donut place afraid of a
million dollars?
-Andy Daly
I wish malls had Destroy-a-Bear stores.
-Alex Blagg
There should be a third gun in 2 Guns that audience members can
kill themselves with.
-Jake Weisman
Google Geek Camp is a great way for your children to interact with grown
men wearing eyeball cameras.
-Amanda Melson
OK. In hindsight, I probably had too many references to karma in that
eulogy.
-Justin Shanes
Facebook is suddenly nothing more than an accounting of which of my
friends and relatives will believe anything they read.
-Dave Holmes
Eating a turkey burger is like watching "Goodfellas" on basic cable.
-CJ
Sullivan
I bet Andy Dufresne ended up married miserable and sick of Mexican food.
-Moshe
Kasher
Older, unmarried man in a cape says he's okay with gays. Huh.
-Alex
Baze
Still haven't seen "Pacific Rim" but did shake a bag of recycling, so
kind of?
-Albertina Rizzo
Great place for humor: HappyPlaceTM.
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