Recent late-night political jokes, from Daniel Kurtzman's Political Humor Blog on About.com.
(YouTube video: The Republican debate in 45 seconds.)
The Republican presidential candidates will have a debate at the Reagan
Library. They were going to have it at the George W. Bush Library but
they couldn't fit all eight of them in the bouncy house.
-Conan O'Brien
People are saying that Rick Perry is really tough because he has
executed over 200 people. And that was just while he was on vacation in
Florida.
-Conan O'Brien
The oil industry said if they were allowed to drill more, they could
create over a million new jobs. Of course most of those jobs would be
cleaning oil off ducks.
-Conan O'Brien
To give an idea of how bad the economy is, the NFL had to borrow the
quarter for the coin toss from China. And they want it back.
-Conan O'Brien
In Iowa Sarah Palin ran a half marathon and came in second place. Of
course no one saw her do it, because she refused to tell anyone she was
running.
-Conan O'Brien
Dick Cheney says Hillary Clinton would have made a better president than
Barack Obama. Then he got back in his coffin.
-David Letterman
The Republican debate was on earlier tonight. Side effects may include
nausea, vomiting and sexual dysfunction.
-David Letterman
Michele Bachmann is dropping rapidly in the polls. If she loses three
more points she goes on 'Dancing with the Stars.'
-David Letterman
Homeland Security is saying you may no longer have to remove your shoes
when you fly. Welcome to the golden age of travel. I just hope they
don’t stop wanding my inner thighs.
-David Letterman
During the Republican debate, every time they mentioned Ronald Reagan, I
ate a jelly bean. And now I have type two diabetes.
-Jimmy Kimmel
This is the first debate Rick Perry has participated in since he
announced his candidacy. Perry is a mix between George W. Bush and
Yosemite W. Sam.
-Jimmy Kimmel
Sarah Palin ran an unannounced half marathon in Iowa. Wait, did she run
a half marathon or run half a marathon and quit? Is there anything Sarah
Palin can’t do half of?
-Jimmy Kimmel
The Republican debate got pretty heated. They spent most of their time
arguing over who God called first.
-Jay Leno
Michele Bachmann said that if she is elected president, she would
consider eliminating the Department of Education because "the states
could do a gooder job."
-Jay Leno
Ford is building a new plant that will create 5,000 jobs in India. Or as
Obama put it, "You've got to be kidding me!"
–Jimmy
Fallon
Sunday is the 10th anniversary of 9/11, which means it can only be
another five years before we discover Saddam Hussein’s WMDs.
-Stephen Colbert
Categories: Animals, Craig Ferguson, Political Jokes of the Week, Stephen Colbert, WTF?
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