Recent late-night political jokes, from Daniel Kurtzman's Political Humor Blog on About.com.
Tea Party candidate Michele Bachmann said the
Revolutionary War started in New Hampshire when it really
started in Massachusetts. Interesting that a woman who
believes so strongly in states rights can't get her states
right.
-Jay Leno
Hillary Clinton visited Egypt today for the first time
since the uprising. When asked why she went, Bill Clinton
said, "Believe me, if anyone can stop an uprising, it's
Hillary."
-Jimmy Fallon
We're at war? Again? Don't we already have two? Wars
aren't like kids, where you don't have to worry about the
youngest one because the other two will take care of it.
-Jon Stewart
It's one humiliation after another for Moammar Gadhafi.
First his own people started rising up against him, then his
compound was bombed, and now he's getting beaten up by the
French.
-Jay Leno
The Pentagon says that U.S. operations in Libya are
limited and have a definite end date. I don't believe that.
We still have troops in Germany.
-Jay Leno
Did you see the footage of French planes bombing Libya?
The planes look brand new, like they've never been used
before.
-Jay Leno
Germany has pulled its forces out of NATO over Libya.
When the Germans don't want to fight and the French do, the
whole world is upside down.
-Jay Leno
We're fighting three wars now. Imagine how many we'd be
fighting if President Obama hadn't won the Nobel Peace
Prize.
-Jay Leno
According to reports, Gadhafi is surrounded by an elite
corps of female bodyguards, all of whom are virgins. In a
related story, today Charlie Sheen invaded Libya.
-Conan O'Brien
The name of the U.S. operation in Libya is 'Odyssey
Dawn.' It's the first military action to be named by
Crabtree & Evelyn.
-Conan O'Brien
When the Obamas were in Chile their President said, 'I
think the First Lady of the United States is very
good-looking.' So now we're at war with Chile. Operation
Lavender Mist.
-Conan O'Brien
On a trip to Israel, Sarah Palin asked the Israelis why
they're apologizing all the time. They responded saying,
'Because we told everyone Tina Fey was coming.'
-Conan O'Brien
The NAACP is taking a greater interest in attracting
leaders from the gay community. This explains their new
name, the 'National Association for the Advancement of
Color-Coordinated People.'
-Conan O'Brien
Gadhafi said his people 'love him.' I think that's what he said.
It was hard to hear over the rebel gunfire.
-David Letterman
Donald Trump says he will run for president. He'll have
to find a cabinet position for that thing on his head.
-David Letterman
Trump says that if he's elected, he won't let the
presidency interfere with the Miss Universe pageant.
-David Letterman
How would Trump travel as president? Obviously, he'd use
Hair Force One.
-David Letterman
Charlie Sheen is still a big story because, honestly,
none of us know where Libya is.
-Jimmy Kimmel
President Obama has to cut his trip to Latin America
short because of the situation in Libya- and to check on
his NCAA brackets.
-Jimmy Kimmel
No one can agree on how to spell Gadhafi's name. He's
like the Hanukkah of dictators.
-Jimmy Kimmel
President Obama is cutting his trip to Latin America
short by a few hours because of the situation in Libya. So
to everyone who said Obama didn't care about Libya, you're
wrong. He cares three hours' worth.
-Jimmy Fallon
A man in Texas used his obituary to ask for donations to
anyone running against Obama in 2012. And then his ghost was
offered a nightly show on Fox News.
-Jimmy Fallon
Hillary Clinton said that Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi
is engaged in 'theater.' Which explains the new strategy to
defeat him: casting him as the lead in 'Spider-Man: the Musical.'
-Jimmy Fallon
Categories: Jon Stewart, Political Jokes of the Week
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