The week's best late-night political jokes, from Daniel Kurtzman's Political Humor Blog on About.Com.
"Former U.S. House Majority Leader, Tom DeLay, has been sentenced to
three years in prison. One year for money laundering and two more for
his performance on 'Dancing with the Stars.'"
-Jay Leno
"Chinese President Hu Jintao will be at the White House next week. The
good news is, he has no plans to foreclose. We can stay another month."
-Jay
Leno
"Last night was possibly the last show ever of 'Sarah Palin's Alaska,'
for several reasons. She might run for President and would have to abide
by the equal time rules. Also, she just likes to quit things."
-Jimmy
Kimmel
"When a candidate walks away from a reality show, that's when you know
they're serious about being president of the United States."
-Jay
Leno
"Sad news. It looks like 'Sarah Palin's Alaska' won't be back for a
second year. How does that make her feel? She was governor, almost vice
president. She gets one year. Snooki's on her third year."
-Jay
Leno
"Sarah Palin should pick The Situation from 'Jersey Shore' as her vice
president. That way, we can get rid of two reality shows at once."
-Jay
Leno
"Sarah Palin knows angry speech isn't a call to violence. Unless it's
angry speech directed at Sarah Palin in which case it is a call to
violence."
-Stephen Colbert
"Police are looking for a man in Phoenix who robbed a bank and told the
teller he wanted the money in twenties, forties and sixties. Authorities
believe he could be one of President Obama's economic advisers."
-Jay
Leno
"John Edwards has denied 'The National Enquirer' story that he asked his
mistress to marry him. Who are you gonna believe, the sleazy purveyor of
lies or 'The National Enquirer'?"
-Jay Leno
"A new study shows that a woman's tears can chemically lower the level
of testosterone in a man. When that happens, the man will also start to
cry and then eventually be elected speaker of the House."
-Jay
Leno
"San Francisco celebrated the opening of the nation's first gay history
museum. The museum is called 'San Francisco.'"
-Conan O'Brien
"The blizzard was three hours of howling wind- kind of like Rush
Limbaugh's radio show."
-Conan O'Brien
"It would be really nice if the ramblings of crazy people didn't in any
way resemble how we actually talk to each other on TV. Let's at least
make troubled individuals easier to spot."
-Jon Stewart,
reflecting on vitriolic political rhetoric in the wake of the Arizona
shooting
Categories: Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert
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