KGB Report

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McDonald's, Wendy's accused of beefing up burgers in ads.

Covid redux, Insurrection redux, formula redux, Dick Wolf redux, animals, continuing education
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Published Wednesday, May 18, 2022 @ 4:03 PM EDT

May 18 2022

You mean pretending it's no longer a problem doesn't work? U.S. health officials say a third of people live in areas with so much virus they should consider masks indoors. Also: Long COVID: As much as 75% of hospital patients still not 'fully recovered'.

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Say it clearly: Pennsylvania Republicans just nominated a pro-Trump insurrectionist. (Washington Post gift article) Let's state this plainly: Pennsylvania Republicans just nominated a full-blown insurrectionist who intends to use the power of the office to ensure that, as long as he is governor, no Democratic presidential candidate wins his state again. He helped bus in Trump supporters and attended the rally on Jan. 6, 2021; as state senator he argued for the invalidation of Joe Biden's electors; and he's continued falsely claiming election fraud ever since.

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The baby formula shortage, explained: Abbott Nutrition's contaminated plant in Michigan; manufacturers miscalculated demand; more babies were born in 2022; US regulations for baby formula are so strict that most European formulas are illegal (even though European babies are fine). Also: FDA obliterates formula maker's defense of contamination linked to baby deaths. Also also: Urgent New York raw milk recall: New recalls are so bad, entire production lines were shut down.

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TV at unprecedented scale: How Dick Wolf rebounded to 198 hours of drama a season: "FBI," "FBI: Most Wanted," "FBI: International," "Chicago Fire," "Chicago P.D.," "Chicago Med," "Law & Order," "Law & Order: SVU" and "Law & Order: Organized Crime."

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Bad Kitty: German town grounds cats to save rare birds. Authorities in the southwest German town of Walldorf have ordered some cat owners to keep their pets indoors until the end of August, to protect a rare bird, the crested lark, during its breeding season.

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Chief Justice John Roberts has just one chance to save the credibility of the high court. To alter the Roe precedent has the potential to catapult us into chaos. For the three branches of government to properly govern the one, the Supreme Court, has to be non-political.

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Learning new things every day:

People infected by brain-altering cat parasite are more attractive, finds study.

The real reason people from history wore huge powdered wigs. Ick.

How to design a theme park (to take tons of your money). Beating Disney at its own game. Until Disney came up with the physical embodiment of the Star Wars universe.

Would cockroaches actually survive a nuclear apocalypse? "I've come back so many times. Someone once told me that after World War III, the only things that will still be around are cockroaches and Cher."-Cher

Migrating sea turtles don't really know where they're going. (Smithsonian Magazine) New research finds that many hawksbill turtles take meandering routes to reach foraging sites in the Indian Ocean. Maybe they're just not in a hurry.

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Tweets, observations, and diversions:

When a rabid anti-vaxxer like Eric Clapton has to cancel concerts after catching COVID-19, it's not irony or karma: it's science.
Sweet, hilarious science.
-Middle Age Riot

Little known fact: Chuck E. Cheese's full name is Charles Entertainment Cheese.

Categories: Abbott Nutrition, Baby formula, Cats, Chuck E. Cheese, Cockroaches, Dick Wolf, Disney, Doug Mastriano, Eric Clapton, FDA, John Roberts, McDonald's, Turtles, Wendy's, Wigs

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Dolly Parton honors Dan Rather for fighting 'disinformation'.

Columbo, Cable, Covid, UFOs, Cats, Depp, Demented Ideology
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Published Tuesday, May 17, 2022 @ 5:03 PM EDT

May 17 2022

Frank
Apparently, Columbo's first name was Frank.

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"Basic cable is so important for so many reasons. Without basic cable, there'd be no 24-hour news, no reality television, and there'd be no Shark Week. Where would we be as a culture?"
-Doug Herzog

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US deaths from COVID hit 1 million, less than 2 1/2 years in. The confirmed number of dead is equivalent to a 9/11 attack every day for 336 days. It is roughly equal to how many Americans died in the Civil War and World War II combined. It's as if Boston and Pittsburgh were wiped out.

Also: How often can you be infected with the coronavirus? The spread of the Omicron variant has given scientists an unsettling answer: repeatedly, sometimes within months. A virus that shows no signs of disappearing, variants that are adept at dodging the body's defenses, and waves of infections two, maybe three times a year- this may be the future of Covid-19, some scientists now fear.

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On this day in 1954, the U.S. Supreme Court issued its landmark decision in Brown v. Board of Education of Topeka, in which the Court ruled that U.S. state laws establishing racial segregation in public schools were unconstitutional, even if the segregated schools were otherwise equal in quality.

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Verizon wireless plan bills getting more expensive with new 'economic adjustment charge'. The advertised pricing of Verizon's actual plans will stay the same, but it will begin adding a new "economic adjustment charge" to your bill every month. (Why doesn't the FTC go after this as false advertising?)

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From a congressional hearing on unidentified aerial phenomena, watch new videos released by the Department of Defense and highlights from officials' testimony. The truth is out there?

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Did cats really disappear from North America for seven million years? My guess is the little bastards were hiding.

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Three scenarios for how Putin could actually use nukes. Here's how to think about the unthinkable.

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Why we're doomed: America more interested in Depp-Heard trial than abortion. On a per-article basis, the trial has dwarfed all other major topics in the news.

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Craig Ferguson is 60 today.

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The devil they know: Why the Big Four broadcasters are canceling fewer shows. As broadcast nets become starting points in a cross-platform ecosystem, rather than the stand-alone entities they long were, staying with proven (or at least familiar) programming makes sense: Networks can still draw eyeballs to on-air shows that people know so well, and recognizable library titles help bolster affiliated streaming services. Outside of having NFL rights, that's as much of a win-win as the shrinking linear TV world can provide.

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A racist theory may have driven the Buffalo tragedy. The Murdochs thrive on it. The demented ideology flows from many sources. One of them is Fox News.

The Right's embrace of racist replacement theory is both dangerous and dumb:

Tweets, observations, and diversions:

Marjorie Taylor Greene: "The greatest choice a woman can make is becoming a mother."
So... it IS a choice.
-Middle Age Riot

The formula shortage is an example of how free market capitalism does exactly what right wing fear-mongers think socialism will do.
-Bess Kalb

Freedom isn't owning 25 rifles, it's going to the grocery store and not having to worry about being killed by one.
-Kevin Sixx

Categories: Cable TV, Cats, Columbo, Covid-19, Dan Rather, Dolly Parton, Fox News, Lawrence O'Donnell, Nuclear weapons, Rachel Maddow, Replacement Theory, Rupert Murdoch, Seth Meyers, Stephen Colbert, Supreme Court, Tucker Carlson, TV, UAPs, UFOs, Ukraine, Verizon, Vladimir Putin

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Don't be evil: Google shifted more than $75.4 billion (£63 billion) in profits out of the Republic using the controversial "double-Irish" tax arrangement in 2019, the last year in which it used the loophole.

The Osmond Misinterpretation, innumeracy, strawberries...
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Published Monday, April 26, 2021 @ 12:33 AM EDT

Apr 26 2021

With all the police shootings and references to "bad apples," this is worth revisiting..

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Thought of the day: "I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves."
-Ludwig Wittgenstein (26 April 1889 – 29 April 1951) (More Ludwig Wittgenstein quotes)

Along those lines, Experts say humanity faces a grim and "ghastly future"– state of planet is much worse than most people understand. But then, if you're not rich, good news: You're probably getting a tax cut.

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AP Fact Check- all the news that didn't happen last week.

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Millions are skipping their second doses of COVID vaccines. More than 5 million people, or nearly 8% of those who got a first shot of the Pfizer or Moderna vaccines, have missed their second doses, according to the most recent data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. That is more than double the rate among people who got inoculated in the first several weeks of the nationwide vaccine campaign. Meanwhile, virus 'swallowing' people in India; crematoriums overwhelmed. And Alaska Airlines has banned Alaska state senator Lora Reinbold for her continued refusal to comply with employee instruction regarding the current mask policy.

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IRS is holding millions of tax returns, delaying refunds. We filed with TurboTax the first day the IRS began accepting returns, and had our refund in just ten days.

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Innumeracy: Wandering through the produce department of Giant Eagle over the weekend, I strolled past a rather large display of fresh strawberries. There were two groups: one pound containers, which appeared to be selling faster than the adjacent two pound packages. The sign said the one pound packages were on sale: two for $6. The two pound packages were $4.99. So the one pound packages cost $3 per pound, while the two pound packages were about $2.50 per pound. Canned and packaged goods on the self usually have a unit cost on their price stickers which show the cost of the item per ounce. Take a close look the next time you're at the store... that "large economy size" actually costs more than the "standard" size.

Speaking of grocery stores, I was engaged in a discussion with a lady in the checkout line who was asserting that cats were better overall pets than dogs. I have nothing against cats, but dogs are indisputably better companions; it's intrinsic to their make-up. Compare a 20 pound dog to a 150 pound dog. Aside from size, they're, well, dogs. Compare a 20 pound cat to a 150 pound cat. The former is a house pet, the latter is something that's higher on the food chain than you.

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Quotation trivia: "What fresh hell can this be?" is a line that has been attributed many times to Shakespeare but is actually from American author/critic/poet and wit Dorothy Parker. She is reported to have used the phrase when interrupted by a telephone. She then started using it in place of "hello" when answering the phone. In many ways she can be considered the patron saint of all tech support workers. (More Dorothy Parker quotations.)

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This would be funny if it weren't a direct threat to our democracy:

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Cheerleader's Snapchat rant leads to 'momentous' Supreme Court case on student speech. ...an adolescent outburst and the adult reaction to it has arrived at the Supreme Court, where it could determine how the First Amendment's protection of free speech applies to the off-campus activities of the nation's 50 million public school students.

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Why are there no horse-sized rabbits?

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Among other things, today is Alien Day, Audubon Day, Get Organized Day, Hug a Friend Day, Hug an Australian Day, International Chernobyl Disaster Remembrance Day, National Dissertation Day, National Help a Horse Day, National Kids and Pets Day, National Pretzel Day, National Richter Scale Day, National Static Cling Day, Pesach Sheni, and World Intellectual Property Day.

On this date in 1986, a nuclear accident occurred at the No. 4 reactor in the Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant, near the city of Pripyat in the north of the Ukrainian SSR. It is considered the worst nuclear disaster in history both in terms of cost and casualties, and is one of only two nuclear energy accidents rated at seven —the maximum severity— on the International Nuclear Event Scale, the other being the 2011 Fukushima Daiichi nuclear disaster in Japan. The initial emergency response, together with later decontamination of the environment, ultimately involved more than 500,000 personnel and cost an estimated 18 billion Soviet rubles— roughly US$68 billion in 2019, adjusted for inflation.

Remembering Vic Perrin, (April 26, 1916 – July 4, 1989) American radio, film, and television actor, perhaps best remembered for providing the "Control Voice" in the original version of the television series The Outer Limits (1963–1965).

Carol Burnett (b. April 26, 1933) is 88 today. Famous quote: "Having a baby is like taking your lower lip and pulling it over the top of your head." (More Carol Burnett quotes.)

Melania Trump (born Melanija Knavs, Germanized as Melania Knauss, on April 26, 1970) is 51 today.

Bobby Rydell (b. Robert Louis Ridarelli, April 26, 1942) is 79 today.

Giorgio Moroder (b. Giovanni Giorgio Moroder, April 26, 1940) is 81 today. An Italian composer, songwriter, and record producer, he has been called the "Father of Disco", and is credited with pioneering euro disco and electronic dance music. His work with synthesizers had a large influence on several music genres such as Hi-NRG, Italo disco, new wave, house and techno music.

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Andy Borowitz: Trump blasts Biden for firing almost no one in first hundred days. At the rate Biden is going, Trump said, "He's going to be looking across his desk at the same losers the entire time he's in office."

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I didn't watch the Academy Awards last night because the "pre-game" show featuring performances of the nominated songs left me underwhelmed. It reminded me of an Oscar performance so sublime that I remember it clearly 42 years later. Thanks to the miracle of YouTube, let's return to those thrilling days of yesteryear to the 51st Annual Academy Awards (1979), when they really knew how to pull out all the stops and put on a show. With lyrics by Fred Ebb and music by Larry Grossman, "Oscar's Only Human (Not Even Nominated)" featured Steve Lawrence and Sammy Davis Jr. performing a medley of outstanding songs that were not even nominated for a Best Original Song Oscar®.

If your song didn't win the Academy Award
And you're feeling dejected and deflated,
Imagine the shape you might have been in
If you hadn't even been nominated.

Running an impressive ten minutes, the Academy's music branch initially protested the segment and urged it be dropped from the ceremony. It remained after producer Jack Haley Jr. threatened to quit and take first-time emcee Johnny Carson with him.

Categories: Alphabet, Andy Borowitz, Bobby Rydell, Carol Burnett, Cats, Chernobyl, Covid-19, Dogs, Dorothy Parker, First Amendment, Google, Ireland, IRS, Ludwig van Beethoven, Melania Trump, Strawberries, Supreme Court, Taxes, Vic Perrin

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The cat is trying to kill us
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Published Tuesday, April 24, 2018 @ 8:55 AM EDT

Apr 24 2018

Pumpkin, aka Felis catus homicidus

A study a few years back reported that dogs and cats contribute to injuries that send an estimated 87,000 people to emergency rooms every year.

Most of the injuries are falls, and most are caused by dogs.

Not in my house.

Our two remaining dogs have never tripped me. The Sheltie is blind, rather large, and easy to avoid. The small, insane dog-like creature (Shih Tzu) is nimble and aware of her size, so she deftly stays out of our paths.

Ah, but Pumpkin, the 21-year-old black cat... we've decided she is intentionally trying to kill us both. On average, my and wife and I trip over her at least three times a day. She likes sleeping at the top of the cellar steps, especially at night when she's virtually invisible.

Trip over a dog, and the animal immediately presents a regretful expression. You can almost hear them say "I'm sorry."

Trip over my cat, and you get an emotionless stare. Her regret seems to stem from the fact we're still erect and undamaged.

I'm seriously considering having her wear a belled collar, something she hasn't done since she was a kitten.

Come to think of it, that would piss her off even more. Guess we're just going to have to fix our gazes downward as we navigate through the house. And pray my suspicion is unwarranted... that the furry little queen hasn't taken out rather large life insurance policies on my wife and me.

Categories: Cats, Dogs, KGB Family, The Daily KGB Report

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Getting better every day
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Published Thursday, August 11, 2016 @ 8:09 PM EDT

Aug 11 2016

Instead of a bulky "Elizabethan" collar, we outfitted Pixie with a onesie that belonged to my wife's granddaughter. It worked quite well, keeping her from worrying her incision, making her feel she was being constantly snuggled, and weirding out the other animals so they wouldn't bother her.

She spent the first full day after surgery lying around, whimpering, and looking pitiful. We were a bit concerned. Then Pumpkin the cat, upset because there was no more gravy in her can of cat food, pushed it off the counter where she eats.

As soon as it hit the floor with a resounding splat, Pixie shot out of her bed and into the kitchen, in order to beat the Shelties to the tasty remnants of the cat's meal.

We're much relieved. Pixie is doing fine.

Categories: Cats, Dogs, KGB

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Another update
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Published Wednesday, August 10, 2016 @ 11:46 PM EDT

Aug 10 2016

"I hurt, I'm sleepy, and I'm never going to trust you again.

Pixie was spayed, had a deciduous tooth and a molar removed, and had an umbilical hernia repaired today. We dropped her off at the vet at 8:30 am and picked her up about 2:30pm.

The tech said everything went without a hitch. Perhaps, but that look in Pixie's eyes haunts me. I think I've lost her trust.

When we took her to the vet this morning, my wife stayed in the car. So the person who handed her over to the strangers who performed these atrocities to her person was me. When we rescued her from her torturers, Mom got a whimper and a tail wag. Me: nada.

Pixie's still rather out of it. She's been mostly asleep all day, and just had a little bit of chicken and some water. I'm downstairs working in my office; she's upstairs sleeping in her dog bed with her blanket and her stuffed bunny, with Mom sleeping just a few feet away.

Dogs are nothing if not forgiving and conduits of unconditional love, so I'm sure Pixie and I will be as right as rain in a few days. Still, that look...

On the plus side, just a day after her flea treatment Pumpkin the 19 year old cat is back to her imperious yet affectionate self, tapping me on the leg when she wants fed and climbing on me whenever I lie on the couch, becoming her soft, warm piece of human furniture.

I didn't sleep last night, worrying about Pix, and I have to work late tonight to catch up on everything I didn't do yesterday. Life goes on.

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If you have a chance, watch the Tom Hanks movie A Hologram For The King. It's about a divorced, self-doubting, desperate American salesman who has to put on a demo for the king of Saudi Arabia. As someone who's had to do demos in a non-English speaking country under adverse conditions, I could really identify with Hanks' character.

A relatively small film, it cost $30 million but grossed only $4.7 million in the US, where it played for 11 weeks. Its widest release was just 523 theaters. It has the dubious distinction of being the lowest grossing film to feature Tom Hanks in top billing since 1986's Every Time We Say Goodbye, which ran in only 83 theaters and grossed only $278,000.

Categories: Cats, Dogs, KGB, Tom Hanks

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Updates
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Published Tuesday, August 09, 2016 @ 8:37 AM EDT

Aug 09 2016

Capital One never called back, but the mysterious $299 pending charge has disappeared.

Had to endure another three-day "pre-authorization" wait to get a prescription refilled. It irks me that some clerk at an insurance company can interfere with the treatment prescribed by a board-certified physician with 20 years of experience.

Speaking of medical stuff, got my flu shot yesterday and beat the rush. Here's hopiing they guessed correctly about the strains that will be prevalent this winter. According to the manufacturer's website, it takes about three weeks to develop whatever immunity the vaccine will provide and, if I'm reading the chart correctly, it's supposed to be 60% effective, which, frankly, doesn't inspire confidence.

But I haven't had influenza for seven years running now. I did spend three days in the hospital in 2012 with mycoplasma pneumonia, a bacterial infection for which there is no effective vaccine. I asked my doctor about those pneumonia vaccine commercials which promise protection from 13 strains of the illness. He pointed out there are about 30 different types of pneumonia, and the two times I had it (another time back in the '80s), it was mycoplasma and therefore the vaccine would be ineffective. Incidentally, mycoplasma pneumonia is commonly referred to as "walking pneumonia." Still no vaccine for the boogie-woogie flu, either.

Pumpkin, the 19+ year old feline and senior lesser mammal is going to the vet today for her feline distemper vaccine. More importantly, I hope to find out the cause of a recent bout of ongoing hair loss (not shedding) and atypical behavior. Veterinarians are surprised when they discover her age. Her blood panels and dental condition are like those of a ten year old cat, at least at her last visit two months ago. She's taken to lying at the top of the steps and staring into space, unresponsive until you actually touch her. Her age is equivalent to a human in her mid-90s, so it's perhaps not unusual, but the rapid onset of the behavior has us concerned.

And tomorrow, the small, insane dog-like creature, Pixie the Shih Tzu, goes in to be spayed, have a breed-typical minor umbilical hernia repaired, and to have some deciduous (baby) teeth removed. In some dogs, the baby teeth don't fall out. This is also not unusual in Shih Tzus.

My first job out of high school was veterinary assistant. I've seen scores of spays, neuters, and other surgical procedures performed. The Doc never lost a patient or, for that matter, had to deal with any complications. That was 45 years ago, and there've been significant improvements in anesthesia and surgery procedures, but I have to confess I'm worried about the little stinker. Small dogs (she's 12.5 pounds) and brachycephalic breeds, including Shih Tsus, have more problems with anesthesia. They can suffer from hypothermia and hypoglycemia, and the squished face can cause breathing problems.

Anesthesia deaths in canines is rare, about 1 in 2000 (0.0005%). SHe's young and healthy, though, so I'm not going to worry about the surgery. Instead, I'm going to worry about how I'm going to keep that Elizabethan collar on her and prevent her from hurling herself from beds and couches, one of her favorite activities.

Her other favorite activity is napping with Dad. We'll try to focus on that.

Categories: Capital One, Cats, Dogs, KGB Family

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With apologies to Michelangelo
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Published Tuesday, May 10, 2016 @ 7:51 AM EDT

May 10 2016

The Creation of the Internet

Categories: Cats, Michelangelo, Photo of the day

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All in the family
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Published Sunday, May 04, 2014 @ 12:09 AM EDT

May 04 2014

Granddaughter Joelle all tired out after a fun day with her cousins.

Granddaughter Joelle gives me the look I get from most young ladies...

Just a couple buds hanging out on the couch.

Sleep barking.

Categories: Animals, Cats, Dogs, KGB Family

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Clearing off the desktop...
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Published Sunday, December 15, 2013 @ 2:42 PM EST

Dec 15 2013

Pumpkin and Chloe share a bed.
In related news, Hell has frozen over.

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I don't think granddaughter Joelle is buying
the whole dancing sugarplums visions thing.

Categories: Cats, Cleaning off the desktop, Congress, KGB Family, Miscellany

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Elegy to a Mostly Maine Coon
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Published Monday, November 04, 2013 @ 6:39 AM EST

Nov 04 2013

(Originally published November 4, 2002)

Hobbes came home yesterday.

More precisely, our late feline's cremated remains were delivered to my unsuspecting wife, who received a telephone call from the nice lady at Backyard Burials a scant 30 minutes prior to his arrival.

Hobbes' true pedigree had never been firmly established. He had been harvested from a litter of feisty farm kittens of various flavors. We surmised a good percentage of his lineage was Maine Coon; a Mostly Maine Coon, if you will.

He was a big fella, 16 pounds, even in declining health. He was various shades of orange with a few swirls of white, the color depending on his current degree of shedding or attitude toward personal hygiene.

His gargantuan skull bore the distinctive dark "M" above his forehead, which I jokingly said stood for "moron." His temperament matched the breed's description: a big, gentle, good-natured goof. He had a high-pitched, trilling voice that was consistent with Maine Coons and totally out of character for a creature of his impressive bulk. Think of a feline Mike Tyson, and you'll get the effect.

My then pre-teen daughter Sara named him after the stuffed tiger in Bill Watterson's Calvin and Hobbes comic strip. I always believed the moniker was more accurately a nod to the English philosopher. The cat was a living example of Thomas Hobbes' theory of materialism: people (and, apparently, big goofy house cats) are motivated by appetite and aversion. Hobbes the cat demonstrated this on a daily basis. It became a family game to place a tempting morsel near an object that frightened him, to watch his reactions as his "fear/food" calculator kicked in, and to wager whether his innate gluttony would overcome his intrinsic cowardice.

Like most house cats, Hobbes really had no useful function in our household, other than to use the white wall to wall carpeting as a canvas for his prodigious hairball output and to generate carbon dioxide for the house plants. He could have been the prototype for Star Trek's tribbles. Like the fictional creatures, he was warm and furry, semi-mobile, possessed a ravenous appetite and made purring noises that engendered a feeling of serenity in the humans around him.

Hobbes was a karmic grounding rod, especially in his later years. He was always serene, almost Buddha-like, dozing in the sun, intently watching the dust motes float by. Dogs can sense emotional turmoil and, in response, express empathy and concern. They're reflectors of anxiety. Express anxiety in the presence of a dog and you have an anxious dog. Hobbes was an angst heat sink. You could feel the distress dissipate as you petted him, his aura of imperturbable calmness surrounding you.

While we received his ashes yesterday, Hobbes departed over a month ago. The cremation of animals doesn't seem to warrant the same sense of urgency as human dissolution. There are no wakes to hold, no religious ceremonies to conduct. Indeed, many claim there are no animals in the afterlife.

I once got into an discussion with a minister about the seeming exclusion of non-humans from Paradise. I pointed out that in the Book of Revelation, the apostle John says "Then I saw heaven opened, and behold, a white horse."Revelation also states "the armies which were in heaven followed him upon white horses, clothed in fine linen, white and clean." Which indicates to me that not only are there animals in heaven, they're really snazzy dressers. (One could argue that if John had his vision today, he would see Humvees instead of palominos. But I'll leave this exercise in operational semantics to the Left Behind folks.)

Of course, the real question here is: do animals have immortal souls? Pope John Paul II said in 1990 that "animals possess a soul and men must love and feel solidarity with our smaller brethren"; that all animals are "fruit of the creative action of the Holy Spirit and merit respect" and are "as near to God as men are." The Reverend Billy Graham sort of sidestepped the issue by stating "God will prepare everything for our perfect happiness in heaven, and if it takes my dog being there, I believe he'll be there."

***

It was a very stressful time. Sara was dealing with severe morning sickness and emotionally wasn't up to it. Pam was recovering from her bypass surgery and couldn't be alone, so Doug had to stay at home with her.

It was just me, sitting in the small examination room, waiting for them to return with Hobbes and the IV apparatus. I desperately wished Doug or Sara was there. Their presence would have switched me into Dad Mode, where the neurons and synapses arrange themselves in a way that causes me to become the gruff but sensitive old curmudgeon who provides emotional support and words of sage advice.

Instead, it was just me. The guy who cries at the end of Field of Dreams. The fool who was scarred for life by Old Yeller. The idiot who has to leave the room when Emergency Vets is on. The sap whose last act before filing for bankruptcy was sending a check to the local no-kill shelter.

The doctor returned with Hobbes, who was his normal placid self. Only the slightly labored breathing belied his condition but, as always, he maintained his ineffable cockeyed equanimity. He studiously ignored the hideous, lethal device attached to his leg. Decorum demanded it.

He sat sphinx-like, front legs outstretched. He opened his eyes, focused them with some effort, became aware of my presence. He emitted that ridiculous girlish chirp of his. It was a sound he reserved for those rare instances in which he felt it necessary to summon me to witness an event of tremendous import. His last great discovery was that dry cat food batted into a cold air return would cause the furnace's electrostatic air cleaner to make an amazing zapping sound.

I believe he sensed he was on the threshold of an even more significant revelation.

I knelt down, level with his ears, and softly told him what a good Hobbers he was. I put one hand across his front legs and scratched his neck.

His head slowly pointed upwards and he sniffed the air. He made that goofy smile of his, then opened his eyes and looked into mine.

He rested his head on my hand. I focused on that big stupid "M" on his forehead, but peripherally I was aware of the plunger slowly sinking into the barrel, fluids flowing in clear plastic tubes.

Hobbes relaxed. He leaned against me, closed his eyes again, and began purring. He didn't stop until the syringe was empty.

I don't know what Heaven looks like. But I know it sounds like the purring of a mostly Maine Coon.

Categories: Animals, Cats, KGB Family

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No problem...
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Published Wednesday, April 10, 2013 @ 8:57 AM EDT

Apr 10 2013

Our 15-year-old Sheltie, Lucy, has a tendency to snore. Our 16-year-old cat, Pumpkin, applies a practical solution.

Categories: Cats, Dogs, KGB Family

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Sorry.
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Published Sunday, March 24, 2013 @ 12:21 AM EDT

Mar 24 2013

Couldn't resist.

Categories: Animals, Cats, Photo of the day, The Beatles, WTF?

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Guardian kitty
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Published Friday, March 08, 2013 @ 8:08 AM EST

Mar 08 2013

It's not unusual for me to wake up to discover Pumpkin, our 16-year-old black cat, asleep on my back.

But at 2:30 this morning, she wasn't sleeping. She was yelling in my ear while simultaneously embedding a single claw in my right arm.

Not enough to draw blood, but it certainly got my attention.

Once I sat up in bed and found my glasses, I saw her at the bedroom door. She yelled at me again, circled twice, then disappeared. I heard her bounding down the steps and into the kitchen.

I followed her and discovered our 15-year-old Sheltie, Lucy, lying next to the door leading to the cellar, beneath the child gate we put there to keep her from attempting to navigate the steps.

Lucy developed focal seizures this past Monday, and the phenobarbital that controls her condition has also knocked her for a loop. Until she becomes acclimated to the drug, the medication-induced ataxia has turned her into a friendly little Scottish drunk.

My guess is she decided she needed to go out, headed for the steps,and didn't notice the gate. When it fell on her, she decided she'd just lie there and sleep it off.

The stairs weren't blocked, so Pumpkin could have made it to the litter box with no problem. No ulterior motive- there's no doubt she knew her friend was in trouble and determined she needed someone with opposable thumbs to handle the situation.

Once I extricated Lucy and took her down to my office to spend the remainder of the night, Pumpkin positioned herself on a shelf under my desk unit, where she could watch the dog's inert form. She moved only when Lucy got up and started wandering around. The cat would sit down in front of Lucy, halting her progress. The dog would then lie down, give Pumpkin a wet kiss on the face and then pass out again.

I'm a definite dog person. But I have to admit, I'm starting to become rather impressed by felines as well.

Categories: Cats, Dogs, KGB Family

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Stoned, but hanging in there
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Published Wednesday, March 06, 2013 @ 4:29 AM EST

Mar 06 2013

The first day of seizure-inhibiting phenobarbital treatment really zonked her out, and she's still kinda stoned and shaky, but Lucy ate all her breakfast, had a long drink of water, did her business, and made her daily inspection of the back yard.

I'm not sure she even realized it snowed last night but hey, haven't we all had mornings like that?

The other two dogs and the two cats spent the night with me in my office. Lucy was the only one who really got any sleep. The lesser mammals are now all unconscious under my desk, while I have to spend the next eight to ten hours writing a MacroSPITBOL function definition to create, name, and populate multiple table structures at runtime.

That phenobarb is looking mighty attractive...

Categories: Animals, Cats, Dogs, KGB Family, Photo of the day

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Photo of the day
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Published Saturday, February 23, 2013 @ 9:38 AM EST

Feb 23 2013

Categories: Cats, Photo of the day

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It's not polite to stare
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Published Saturday, January 12, 2013 @ 8:06 AM EST

Jan 12 2013

It's also probably not safe. Scrape the gray matter off the wall behind you, go back out to the kitchen, and get yourself another cup of coffee. Then go check out Reddit. I hear there's some good stuff over there.

Categories: Animals, Cats, Photo of the day, WTF?

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