KGB Report by Kevin G. Barkes - Politics 2: Republicans

« Politics 1: Libertarians
Home Page
Politics 3: Democrats »

Politics 2: Republicans
(permalink)

Published Monday, February 29, 2016 @ 7:18 PM EST

Feb 29 2016

A black man voting for the Republicans makes about as much sense as a chicken voting for Colonel Sanders.
-Buddy Watts, Sr.

A bureaucrat is a Democrat who holds some office that a Republican wants.
-Alben W. Barkley

A choice between Democrats or Republicans is like a choice between paper or plastic.
-Kinky Friedman

A Democrat will plunge into a raging water to save a victim in distress. A Republican will stay on the shore and explain that it's really in the victim's best interest to save himself.
-Bob Levey

A leader in the Democratic Party is a boss, in the Republican Party he is a leader.
-Harry S. Truman

Among Republicans, family values seems to be an article of faith, like heaven, rather than an actual way of life.
-John Bonnano

As a rule, large capitalists are Republicans and small capitalists are Democrats, but workingmen must remember that they are all capitalists, and that the many small ones, like the fewer large ones, are all politically supporting their class interests, and this is always and everywhere the capitalist class.
-Eugene V. Debs

As for the Republicans- how can one regard seriously a frightened, greedy, nostalgic huddle of tradesmen and lucky idlers who shut their eyes to history and science, steel their emotions against decent human sympathy, cling to sordid and provincial ideals exalting sheer acquisitiveness and condoning artificial hardship for the non-materially-shrewd, dwell smugly and sentimentally in a distorted dream-cosmos of outmoded phrases and principles and attitudes based on the bygone agricultural-handicraft world, and revel in (consciously or unconsciously) mendacious assumptions (such as the notion that real liberty is synonymous with the single detail of unrestricted economic license or that a rational planning of resource-distribution would contravene some vague and mystical 'American heritage'...) utterly contrary to fact and without the slightest foundation in human experience? Intellectually, the Republican idea deserves the tolerance and respect one gives to the dead.
-H.P. Lovecraft

As people do better, they start voting like Republicans... unless they have too much education and vote Democratic, which proves there can be too much of a good thing.
-Karl Rove

As to my political faith- I have never voted. My father was a Democrat, my mother a Republican, and I am an Episcopalian.
-George C. Marshall

Corrupted by wealth and power, your government is like a restaurant with only one dish. They've got a set of Republican waiters on one side and a set of Democratic waiters on the other side. But no matter which set of waiters brings you the dish, the legislative grub is all prepared in the same Wall Street kitchen.
-Huey P. Long

Democrats believe people are basically good but must be saved from themselves by the government. Republicans believe people are basically bad but they'll be okay if they're left alone.
-Andy Rooney

Eighty percent of Republicans are just Democrats who don't know what's going on.
-Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.

Every time I think I'm a Republican they do something greedy, and every time I think I'm a Democrat, they do something stupid.
-Jay Leno

Everyone knows if a Republican comes out of the closet and sees a gay shadow, it means six more years of a Democratic administration.
-Jon Stewart

Given the choice between a Republican and someone who acts like a Republican, people will vote for the real Republican all the time.
-Harry S. Truman

Gradually, without noticing it, you turn into a Republican and judge everything on the basis of whether or not it will increase your taxes.
-Dave Barry

He was permitted, without restriction, to speak of himself as immoral, agnostic and socialistic, so long as it was universally known that he remained pure, Presbyterian, and Republican.
-Sinclair Lewis

Here's why I find it impossible to be a Republican: any crowd that instantly cheers the execution of 234 individuals is a crowd I want to flee, not join.
-Andrew Sullivan

How did sex come to be thought of as dirty in the first place? God must have been a Republican.
-Will Durst

I am an optimist. If I ever quit being an optimist, I guess I'll become a Republican. (As Texas state senator)
-State Senator Ray Farabee (Texas)

I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican.
-Dan Quayle

I came from a disadvantaged home. They were Republicans.
-Paul Tsongas

I don't believe the Democrats or Republicans are lying to us. I think that every dirty, rotten, lowdown thing they say about each other is true.
-A. Ray Lambson

I don't want to see the Republican Party ride to political victory on the Four Horsemen of Calumny- Fear, Ignorance, Bigotry, and Smear.
-Margaret Chase Smith

I have been thinking that I would make a proposition to my Republican friends... that if they will stop telling lies about the Democrats, we will stop telling the truth about them.
-Adlai E. Stevenson II

I look forward to the day when I can be Republican again.
-John Perry Barlow

I think the Republican party should be placed in drydock and have the barnacles scraped off its bottom.
-Tallulah Bankead

I voted for the Democrats because I didn't like the way the Republicans were running the country. Which is turning out to be like shooting yourself in the head to stop your headache.
-Jack Mayberry

I was ashamed of being a Republican and afraid of being a Democrat.
-Robert W. Kenny

I'm a registered Republican and consider socialism a violation of the American principle that you shouldn't stick your nose in other people's business except to make a buck.
-P.J. O'Rourke

I'm a registered Republican, I only seem liberal because I believe that hurricanes are caused by high barometric pressure and not gay marriage. (dialogue from 'The Newsroom')
-Aaron Sorkin

I'm tired of every Republican politician being a medical supergenius on vaginas. I want to hear gynecologists talk about the national debt.
-Bill Maher

I've said that net neutrality is the most important free speech issue of our time. It's true. If Republicans have their way, large corporations won't just have the loudest voices in the room. They'll be able to effectively silence everyone else. Every small business they'd prefer not to compete with. Every blogger who publishes something they don't like. We have to stop them.
-Al Franken

If God saw the way some Republicans invoked his name, he'd turn atheist.
-Dennis Miller

If we don't like what the Republicans do, we need to get in there and change it.
-Medgar Evers

If you make less than $50,000 a year and vote Republican, you are a moron.
-Rack Jite

In every political society, parties are unavoidable. A difference of interests, real or supposed, is the most natural and fruitful source of them. The great object should be to combat the evil: 1. By establishing a political equality among all. 2. By withholding unnecessary opportunities from a few, to increase the inequality of property, by an immoderate, and especially an unmerited, accumulation of riches. 3. By the silent operation of laws, which, without violating the rights of property, reduce extreme wealth towards a state of mediocrity, and raise extreme indigence towards a state of comfort. 4. By abstaining from measures which operate differently on different interests, and particularly such as favor one interest at the expence of another. 5. By making one party a check on the other, so far as the existence of parties cannot be prevented, nor their views accommodated. If this is not the language of reason, it is that of republicanism.
-James Madison

In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican.
-H.L. Mencken

It feels like all the people who want limited government really just want government limited to Republicans.
-Jon Stewart

It is important that the United States remain a two-party system. I'm a fellow who likes small parties and the Republican Party can't be too small to suit me.
-Lyndon B. Johnson

It takes nerve to be a Democrat, but it takes money to be a Republican.
-Will Rogers

It's like, duh. Just when you thought there wasn't a dime's worth of difference between the two parties, the Republicans go and prove you're wrong.
-Molly Ivins

Jesus Christ was the greatest republican.
-Napoleon Bonaparte

Libertarianism only exists to give young Republicans something marginally less repulsive to call themselves when they're trying to get laid.
-Roy Edroso

Mark my word, if and when these preachers get control of the (Republican) party, and they're sure trying to do so, it's going to be a terrible damn problem. Frankly, these people frighten me. Politics and governing demand compromise. But these Christians believe they are acting in the name of God, so they can't and won't compromise. I know, I've tried to deal with them.
-John Dean

Moderate Republicans are reverse Houdinis. They tie themselves up in knots and then tell you they can't do anything because they're tied up in knots.
-Barney Frank

On The Twilight Zone, I knew that I could get away with Martians saying things that Republicans and Democrats couldn't.
-Rod Serling

On the one hand, the Republicans are telling industrial workers that the high cost of food in the cities is due to this government's farm policy. On the other hand, the Republicans are telling the farmers that the high cost of manufactured goods on the farm is due to this government's labor policy. That's plain hokum. It's an old political trick: 'If you can't convince 'em, confuse 'em.' But this time it won't work.
-Harry S. Truman

Republicans are afraid someone, somewhere, might be having fun. Democrats are afraid someone, somewhere, might be making money.
-Variously attributed

Republicans are against abortion until their daughters need one, Democrats are for abortion until their daughter wants one.
-Grace McGarvie

Republicans are sore losers even when they win.
-Kevin G. Barkes

Republicans find libertarians convenient whenever they want to score some coke.
-Mark Russell

Republicans might be heathens and out to destroy all that we hold dear, but that doesn't mean we need to take them seriously. Or be bitter or vituperative just because they are swine. I think one can still have friends who are Republicans.
-Garrison Keillor

Republicans say that Democrats want a huge, monolithic federal institution that will compromise personal liberty and freedom by controlling individuals' lives with intrusive policies and a dictatorial agenda. Republicans, of course, believe that is the job of organized religion.
-Dennis Miller

Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.
-Dan Quayle

Republicans want smaller government for the same reason crooks want fewer cops: it's easier to get away with murder.
-James Carville

Somewhere in Australia, a bunch of kangaroos are bitching about the bad reputation the Republicans are giving their court system.
-Paul Begala

That's one thing about Republican Presidents. They never went in much for plans. They only had one plan. It says 'Boys, my head is turned. Just get it while you can.'
-Will Rogers

The American people are sick and tired of this 'lesser evil' garbage they get fed every election year. Both the Democrats and the Republicans do the same evils once they're in office.
-Roseanne Barr

The conventional rules of Beltway journalism... divide the world into Democrats and Republicans, liberals and conservatives, and allow journalists to pretend they have done their job if instead of reporting the truth behind the news, they merely give each side an opportunity to spin the news.
-Bill Moyers

The Democrats and Republicans are the same guy admiring himself in the mirror.
-Kinky Friedman

The Democrats don't want anyone to be born, but if you are, they will take care of you from the cradle to the grave. The Republicans don't mind if you are born, if you assure them that you don't plan to live long enough to collect your Social Security.
-Mort Sahl

The difference between Democrats and Republicans is: Democrats have accepted some ideas of Socialism cheerfully, while Republicans have accepted them reluctantly.
-Norman Thomas

The Dixiecrats meet again in New York. Now they're called Republicans.
-Andrew Sullivan

The manners of women are the surest criterion by which to determine whether a republican government is practicable in a nation or not.
-John Quincy Adams

The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too.
-Oscar Levant

The only difference I ever found between the Democratic leadership and the Republican leadership is that one of them is skinning you from the ankle up and the other, from the ear down.
-Huey P. Long

The Republican and Democratic parties, or, to be more exact, the Republican-Democratic party, represent the capitalist class in the class struggle. They are the political wings of the capitalist system and such differences as arise between them relate to spoils and not to principles.
-Eugene V. Debs

The Republican form of government is the highest form of government; but because of this it requires the highest type of human nature- a type nowhere at present existing.
-Herbert Spencer

The Republicans are against every piece of legislation that would benefit working Americans. Why do they oppose raising the minimum wage, pay equity for women, ending our disastrous unfettered free trade policies and expanding Social Security? Government is supposed to represent all Americans, not just the billionaire class.
-Bernie Sanders

The Republicans are coming- make nice.
-Ed Koch

The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work; then they get elected and prove it.
-P.J. O'Rourke

The Republicans believe the wagon train will not make it to the frontier unless some of our old, some of our young, and some of our weak are left behind by the side of the trail. We Democrats believe that we can make it all the way with the whole family intact.
-Mario Cuomo

The Republicans favor a minimum wage- the smaller the minimum the better.
-Harry S. Truman

The Republicans in Congress lost their way. They swapped principle for power. They ended up with neither. They deserved to lose.
-Alan Greenspan

The Republicans' idea of 'right to life' begins at conception and ends at birth.
-Barney Frank

The Republicans, with their crazed Reagan fixation, are a last-gasp party, living posthumously, fighting battles on sex, race, immigration and public education long ago won by the other side. They're trying to roll back the clock, but time is passing them by.
-Maureen Dowd

The Republicans... are having a hard time getting their members to act as a unit instead of like a bunch of six-year-olds playing anarchist soccer; three teams, two goals, you decide.
-Rachel Maddow

The right-wing of the Republican party isn't so much a political agenda as a plea for help.
-Larry Flynt

There are always too many Democratic congressmen, too many Republican congressmen, and never enough U.S. congressmen.
-Variously attributed

There are corrupting influences on religion and politics, and those who practice them in the name of religion or in the name of the Republican Party or in the name of America shame our faith, our party, and our country.
-John McCain

There are few things more amusing in the world of politics than watching moderate Republicans charging to the right in pursuit of greater glory.
-Mario Cuomo

There are no moderate Republicans left, with the exception of a few who would vote with us when it doesn't make any difference. It's the most rigid ideological party since before the Civil War.
-Barney Frank

There is always some basic principle that will ultimately get the Republican party together. If my observations are worth anything, that basic principle is the cohesive power of public plunder.
-A.J. McLaurin

There is no Democratic or Republican way of cleaning the streets.
-Fiorello LaGuardia

True republicanism is the sovereignty of the people. There are natural and imprescriptible rights which an entire nation has no right to violate.
-General Marquis de Lafayette

Umpires would be natural Republicans- dead to human feelings.
-George F. Will

Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs.
-P.J. O'Rourke

We elect Democrats to the Congress to give us stuff and we elect Republicans to the White House so we don't have to pay for it.
-Charlie McDowell

We live under a republican form of government. We need forever to remember that representative government does represent. A careless, indifferent representative is the result of a careless, indifferent electorate. The people who start to elect a man to get what he can for his district will probably find they have elected a man who will get what he can for himself.
-Calvin Coolidge

What Democratic congressmen do to their women staffers, Republican congressmen do to the country.
-Bill Maher

When you say 'radical right' today, I think of these moneymaking ventures by fellows like Pat Robertson and others who are trying to take the Republican Party and make a religious organization out of it. If that ever happens, kiss politics goodbye.
-Barry M. Goldwater

Will you folks please make up your minds as to whether I am turning the Republican Party into a haven for Bolsheviks or a tree house for Nazis?
-Patrick Buchanan

You have to be careful as a libertarian because you can sound very Republican.
-Penn Jilette

Categories: Politics, Quotes of the day, Quotes on a topic, Republicans