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Published Tuesday, October 28, 2014 @ 8:24 PM EDT
Oct 28 2014

This is what happens when you're testing screen capture software and the cat steps on the F5 key while you're on the phone.

Twenty random quotes from The KGB Quote-A-Matic:

When scientifically investigating the natural world, the only thing worse than a blind believer is a seeing denier.
-Neil deGrasse Tyson

The FCC came along and it said no more cigarette commercials on television... I'd much rather watch a pretty girl offer me a cigarette than an old lady ask if I'm constipated.
-Mark Russell

Honor isn't about making the right choices. It's about dealing with the consequences.
-Midori Koto

I like the cut of your gibberish.
-Unattributed

All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.
-J.R.R. Tolkien

There a few things in life harder to find and more important to keep than love. Well, love and a birth certificate.
-Barack Obama

Life is the art of drawing without an eraser.
-John Gardner

The climate is just like it always was. Hot in the summer, cold in the winter and brainless in Washington.
-Steve Goddard

A lot of people out there think Easy Rider had a happy ending.
-P.J. O'Rourke

I derive pleasure from the suffering of people who don't know what schadenfreude means.
-John Fugelsang

America: Race riots, fascist police, AND THE BEST DAMNED ICE CREAM IN THE WORLD! (Button, circa 1968)
-Unattributed

People are born with legs, not roots.
-Buckminster Fuller

I enjoy dating married men because they don't want anything kinky, like breakfast.
-Joni Rodgers

The long run is a misleading guide to current affairs. In the long run we are all dead.
-John Maynard Keynes

If I'd known what it would be like to have it all, I might have been willing to settle for less.
-Lily Tomlin

I cannot prove that electrons exist, but I believe fervently in their existence. And if you don't believe in them, I have a high voltage cattle prod I'm willing to apply as an argument on their behalf. Electrons speak for themselves.
-Seth Lloyd

Information is money, but data is squat.
-Angela Llama-Butler

I cannot believe that there is any being in this universe who has created a human soul for eternal pain. I would rather that every god would destroy himself; I would rather that we all should go to eternal chaos, to black and starless night, than that just one soul should suffer eternal agony.
-Robert G. Ingersoll

Loyalty to your country should never require you to lie about it.
-Joseph Sobran

When small men begin to cast big shadows, it means that the sun is about to set.
-Lin Yutang


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