Andy Rooney, (January 14, 1919 – November 4, 2011)
"Shut down the computer? Well, what the hell else do you think I want to shut down? The bedroom window?"
(YouTube video: Classic Rooney rant about computers.)
Anyone who likes golf on television would enjoy watching the grass grow on the greens.
As an old reporter, we have a few secrets, and the first thing is we try the phone book.
Being kind is more important than being right.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
Conservatives are more religious than liberals- although there is no evidence that they're nicer people because of it.
Democrats believe people are basically good but must be saved from themselves by the government. Republicans believe people are basically bad but they'll be okay if they're left alone.
Don't rule out working with your hands. It does not preclude using your head.
Go to bed. Whatever you're staying up late for isn't worth it.
I can't choose how I feel, but I can choose what I do about it.
I don't like food that's too carefully arranged. It makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.
If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.
In a conversation, keep in mind that you're more interested in what you have to say than anyone else is.
It's not so much that I write well, I just don't write badly very often, and that passes for good on television.
I’m already suspicious of anyone who thinks he or she is smart enough to be president. You’d have to have some ego to believe that about yourself
Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
Love, not time, heals all wounds.
Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose.
Milk without fat is like nonalcoholic Scotch.
Money doesn't buy class.
Nothing in fine print is ever good news.
One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly.
Opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.
Patriotism is only a virtue if the person who has it lives in your country.
People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.
The best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
The Lord didn't do it all in one day. What makes me think I can?
Vegetarian- that's an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.
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