Categories: Classic, DeForest Kelley, Leonard Nimoy, Music, Star Trek, Video, William Shatner, YouTube
Subscribe
[Home]
[Commentwear]
[E-Mail KGB]
Older entries, Archives and Categories Top of page
« 01/30/2011 - 02/05/2011
Back to Home Page
01/16/2011 - 01/22/2011 »
The week's best late-night political jokes, from Daniel Kurtzman's Political Humor Blog on About.com.
"For the State of the Union address last night, Republicans and
Democrats sat next to each other, instead of on opposite sides. The
press called it 'date night.' How come they go on a date, but we're the
ones who get screwed?"
-Jay Leno
"Tonight Democrats and Republicans paired up and sat next to each other.
Fifty-five years after Rosa Parks we finally integrated Washington."
-Jimmy
Kimmel
"John McCain and John Kerry naturally paired off as their other
colleagues grew tired of their yearly tradition of reciting their own
state of the union address under their breath."
-Jon Stewart
"A Washington Post columnist is proposing a 'Sarah-Palin-Free February,'
a whole month in which she's not mentioned. This is stupid. Don't pick
February, the shortest month. ... You know what the perfect month would
be? November 2012."
-Jay Leno
"Egypt is in the second day of angry street protests. Secretary of State
Hillary Clinton is calling for calm. Because nothing calms an enraged
Arab country like a powerful woman ordering it around."
-Conan
O'Brien
"Tea Party rebutter Michele Bachmann is under fire for saying the
Founding Fathers eliminated slavery. Sarah Palin is very upset. Another
female Republican trying to steal the dumbass vote."
-Jay Leno
"Tomorrow is the State of the Union Address, and Republicans and
Democrats will sit together intermingled, if for no other reason than
the raw sexual tension."
-Conan O'Brien
"The theme of President Obama's State of the Union address was 'Win the
Future.' It was much more inspiring than the original theme: Beat the
rerun of 'Top Chef.'"
-Conan O'Brien
"The Republican response to the speech was fairly gracious. They said it
was a pretty good speech for a foreigner."
-Jimmy Kimmel
"Obama made a major announcement tonight. He's Oprah's half-brother.
That's why there's been so much confusion about the birth certificate."
-Jimmy
Kimmel
"Last night, President Obama gave the State of the Union address. Vice
President Biden called it a great speech. House Speaker John Boehner
called it a real tearjerker."
-Jay Leno
"Rep. Michele Bachmann gave a rebuttal for the Tea Party, and she is a
natural on camera. [She looked to the side the whole time.] Either the
cue cards were in the wrong place or she was keeping an eye out for
illegal immigrants the whole time."
-Jimmy Kimmel
"Did you hear about the State of the Union address drinking game? You
listen to the speech, and every time you think about the actual state of
the union, you take a drink. It helps."
-Jimmy Kimmel
"In the State of the Union address tonight, President Obama focused his
speech on how to bring prosperity back to America. It basically involves
all of us convincing Oprah we're her half sister. That's the plan."
-Conan
O'Brien
"The terrorist group Hezbollah has taken control in Lebanon, and
opponents have declared a 'Day of Rage.' Or as it's known in the Middle
East, 'Tuesday.'"
-Conan O'Brien
"A court has ruled that Rahm Emanuel is not legally allowed to run for
mayor of Chicago, which in Chicago I believe means he won."
-Stephen
Colbert
"A Chicago court ruled former White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel
can't run for Mayor of Chicago. However, according to Chicago law, he's
free to purchase the position."
-Conan O'Brien
"MSNBC has abruptly ended their relationship with Keith Olbermann, and
according to his contract he's not allowed back on television for at
least six months. Or as industry experts call it, The Conan."
-Conan
O'Brien
Categories: Daily Show, Founding Fathers, Jon Stewart, Political Jokes of the Week, Stephen Colbert
Subscribe
[Home]
[Commentwear]
[E-Mail KGB]
Older entries, Archives and Categories Top of page
Noted condescending conservative pinhead Bill O'Reilly criticized Jon Stewart of The Daily Show for claiming Fox News calls people Nazis.
Stewart again nails the faux news channel to the wall.
Don't those Fox News people realize The Daily Show has researchers who actually hold on to the tapes?
Categories: Daily Show, Hypocrisy, Jon Stewart, Video, WTF?
Subscribe
[Home]
[Commentwear]
[E-Mail KGB]
Older entries, Archives and Categories Top of page
The cost of living's going up, and the chance of living's going down.
-Flip Wilson
Categories: Quotes of the day
Subscribe
[Home]
[Commentwear]
[E-Mail KGB]
Older entries, Archives and Categories Top of page
I have no life, just e-mail.
-Michael Jantze, "The Norm" comix strip
Categories: Quotes of the day
Subscribe
[Home]
[Commentwear]
[E-Mail KGB]
Older entries, Archives and Categories Top of page
Jon Stewart's crack Daily Show research staff again exposes the fetid swamp of steaming hypocrisy that is Fox News.
"That's like Charlie Sheen showing up at your intervention to tell you to take it down a notch."
Categories: Daily Show, Hypocrisy, Jon Stewart, Video, WTF?
Subscribe
[Home]
[Commentwear]
[E-Mail KGB]
Older entries, Archives and Categories Top of page
An Englishman is being shown around a Scottish hospital.
At the end of his visit, he is shown into a ward with a
number of patients who show no obvious signs of injury. He
goes to examine the first man he sees, and the man
proclaims: "Fair fa' yer honest, sonsie face, Great
chieftain e' the puddin' race! Aboon them a' ye tak your
place, painch tripe or thairm: Weel are ye wordy o' a grace
as lang's my arm." The Englishman, somewhat taken aback,
goes to the next patient, and immediately the patient
launches into: "Some hae meat, and canna eat, And some wad
eat that want it, But we hae meat and we can eat, And sae
the Lord be thankit." This continues with the next patient:
"Wee sleekit cow'rin tim'rous beastie, O what a panic's in
thy breastie! Thou need na start awa sae hasty, Wi bickering
brattle. I wad be laith to run and chase thee, Wi murdering
prattle!" "Well," the Englishman mutters to his Scottish
colleague, "I see you saved the psychiatric ward for the
last." "Nay, nay," the Scottish doctor corrected him, "this
is the Serious Burns unit."
(via Rampant Scotland
Today's birthday: Robert Burns (January 25 1759 – July 21 1796)
Categories: WTF?
Subscribe
[Home]
[Commentwear]
[E-Mail KGB]
Older entries, Archives and Categories Top of page
The 11 pm newscasts in Pittsburgh last night contained precisely three stories: the Steelers beat the Jets and are going to the Super Bowl; it was really, really cold; and some schools announced a two hour delay this morning.
And that was it. Several replays of key game moments, reporters standing outside Heinz Field and South Side bars pointing their cameras at drunk, hypothermic revelers, a few minutes of weather, and the school delay crawl at the bottom of the screen.
While the news content will be back to near normal today- if you consider static videos of auto accidents and burned houses "news"- for the next two weeks every Pittsburgh newscast will dedicate as much as a third of its time teasing, promoting, and airing inane Super Bowl-related drivel.
Please- add a minute or two to the sports segments and put your "enhanced" Steeler coverage there. We don't need to see players getting on and off planes, practicing, making predictions, and we sure as hell don't need to see more grossly overweight fans with black and gold paint covering their half-nude bodies.
Remember: ""We need to keep it in perspective. It's a very, very important game, but it's not the be all and end all of everything. The city better get its act together regardless; I'm talking politically, with its business leaders, its religious leaders, everybody's got to get back to work."
What killjoy uttered those remarks? The United States Ambassador to Ireland and Steelers' Chairman Emeritus, Dan Rooney. He made the comment when the city was going batshit crazy before the 2005 AFC playoffs.
Let's hope sane heads prevail. But I doubt it.
This is Pittsburgh, after all. And they are the Steelers.
UPDATE:
I happened to catch KDKA's News at 10 on the CW last night. The first half-dozen stories were all Steelers-related feel good pieces. The "real" news started over 11 minutes into the broadcast.
Sigh.
Categories: KGB Opinion
Subscribe
[Home]
[Commentwear]
[E-Mail KGB]
Older entries, Archives and Categories Top of page
« 01/30/2011 - 02/05/2011
Home Page
01/16/2011 - 01/22/2011 »
