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"Chlamydia, your Dad's here..."
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Published Tuesday, December 16, 2014 @ 11:30 PM EST
Dec 16 2014

Craig Ferguson ends his ten-year run on CBS' Late Late Show this Friday. His segments with Robin Williams were always tremendous. In this clip from November 2011, Williams drops by unannounced to sit in on the nightly e-mail segment. Their off-the-wall conversation gets a well-deserved standing ovation at the end of the segment.

The Paley Center for Media in Los Angeles celebrated Craig's tenure with a great interview conducted by Academy Award-winning screenwriter, comic and actor Jim Rash.


Categories: Craig Ferguson, Robin Williams, Video, YouTube


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Robin Williams (July 21, 1951 – August 11, 2014)
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Published Monday, August 11, 2014 @ 11:42 PM EDT
Aug 11 2014

Robin McLaurin Williams (July 21, 1951 – August 11, 2014) was an American actor and stand-up comedian. Rising to fame with his role as the alien Mork in the TV series Mork & Mindy (1978–1982), Williams went on to establish a successful career in both stand-up comedy and feature film acting. His film career included such acclaimed films as Good Morning, Vietnam (1987), Dead Poets Society (1989), Awakenings (1990), The Fisher King (1991), and Good Will Hunting (1997), as well as financial successes such as Popeye (1980), Hook (1991), Aladdin (1992), Mrs. Doubtfire (1993), Jumanji (1995), The Birdcage (1996), Night at the Museum (2006), and Happy Feet (2006). He also appeared in the video "Don't Worry, Be Happy" by Bobby McFerrin.

Nominated for the Academy Award for Best Actor three times, Williams received the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor for his performance in Good Will Hunting (1997). He also received two Emmy Awards, four Golden Globe Awards, two Screen Actors Guild Awards and five Grammy Awards.

On August 11, 2014, Williams was found unconscious at his residence and was pronounced dead at the scene. The Marin County, California, coroner's office said they believe the cause of death was asphyxiation.

(Click here for full Wikipedia article)

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Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning 'to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.'

As beatific as Gandhi was, I'm sure there was some guy in a Bombay bar going, 'I knew Gandhi...he was a prick.'

Being a famous print journalist is like being the best-dressed woman on radio.

Being a functioning alcoholic is kind of like being a paraplegic lap dancer- you can do it, just not as well as the others, really.

Canada is like the loft apartment above a really good party.

Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.

Cricket is baseball on Valium.

Death is nature's way of saying, 'your table is ready.'

Everyone has these two visions when they hold their child for the first time. The first is your child as an adult saying 'I want to thank the Nobel Committee for this award.' The other is 'You want fries with that?'

Gentiles are people who eat mayonnaise for no reason.

Getting married for the third time is like bringing a burn victim to a fireworks show.

God gave you a penis and a brain, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

I was once on a German talk show, and this woman said to me, 'Mr. Williams, why do you think there is not so much comedy in Germany?' And I said, 'Did you ever think you killed all the funny people?'

I went to rehab (for alcoholism) in wine country, just to keep my options open.

I'm an Episcopal, which is Catholic Lite. It's like same religion, half the guilt.

I'm sorry. I'd agree with you if you were right.

If there was a pill that allowed you to drink and not get drunk, an alcoholic would go 'What happens if you take two?'

If you're violating your standards faster than you can lower them, time to go away.

If you've got Nasdaq stock, it's like having Confederate currency.

In marriage, there are penalties for early withdrawal and depositing in another account.

My religious background is that my mother is a Christian Dior Scientist.

Now we have shows like The Chamber, The Chair, and Fear Factor. People in Texas are going 'We got those shows, we just don't film them.'

Reality: what a concept!

Some are born great. Some achieve greatness. Some get it as a graduation gift.

Spring is nature's way of saying 'Let's party!'

Taking Viagra after open heart surgery is like a Civil War re- enactment with live ammo. Not good.

Texting and driving at the same time is like jerking off and juggling at the same time. Too many balls in the air, if you catch my drift.

The Amish are fundamentalists, but they don't try and hijack a carriage at needlepoint. And, if you're ever in Amish country and you see a man with his hand buried in a horse's ass, that's a mechanic. Remember that.

The Biathalon is like Norwegian Drive-By.

The ego locks the muse.

The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying 'Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses.' She's got a baseball bat and she's yelling, 'You want a piece of me?'

The Swiss... the nice Germans, or as they like to say, the other white race.

The writer-producer-director is the only creature known who can blow smoke up his own ass.

We Americans, we're a simple people... but piss us off, and we'll bomb your cities.

What's W. doing now? He's a motivational speaker. It's kind of cool. It's kind of like having Lindsay Lohan as a guidance counselor.

When we were growing up we knew the side effects of the drugs we were taking. Cocaine, side effects were paranoia, ninjas-on-the-lawn; quaaludes, side effects were talking in tongues, English as a second language; marijuana, side effects were laughter, Frosted Flakes.

You will have bad times, but they will always wake you up to the stuff you weren't paying attention to.

You're 50! And can they make a drug to help you through all of that, to keep all of your organs intact until your golden years? No. Can they make a drug to give you mental clarity to your golden time? No. They've got a drug to make you harder than Chinese algebra!

You're only given a little spark of madness; you mustn't lose it.

You've got to cut W. some slack, man. He comes from a family where the smart brother is named 'Jeb.'


Categories: Quotes of the day, Robin Williams


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