The week's best late-night political jokes, from Daniel Kurtzman's Political Humor Blog.
Ukraine announced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site,
to tourists. They say it's just like Disneyland, except the six foot
mouse is real.
-Conan O'Brien
Sarah Palin is going to Haiti this weekend to deliver humanitarian aid.
If there's one thing that's reassuring, it's seeing Sarah Palin above
you in a helicopter.
-Jimmy Fallon
Poor Haitians, they can't get a break. First the earthquake, then the
hurricanes, and now Sarah Palin.
-David Letterman
Kate Gosselin was on the TLC show, 'Sarah Palin's Alaska,' and Palin
told Kate that you're putting your family in danger if you don't bring a
gun with you in the wilderness. Of course there's always the other
option: not taking your kids into the wilderness.
-Jimmy Fallon
FedEx said that it shipped 16 million packages today on its busiest day
of the year. That's right, they handled 16 million packages. Or as the
TSA calls that, 'kind of a slow day.'
-Jimmy Fallon
George W. Bush's daughter, Jenna, just put her home in Baltimore on the
market for $500,000. The real estate agent said, 'I just want to warn
you that offers have gone way down ever since the economy was ruined
by... someone.
-Jimmy Fallon
Michelle Obama said that obesity is a national security threat because
one in four young people are too overweight to join the military.
Couldn't we just have a separate fat army to fight in countries that
don't have hills?
-Jimmy Kimmel
Mark Zuckerberg was named Time's Person of the Year. I'm sorry if you
don't recognize the name. A magazine is something people used to read.
-Craig
Ferguson
Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg has been named Time magazine's Person
of the Year. They said he has single-handedly changed the way we waste
time at work.
-Jay Leno
Time magazine is now ranking the best tweets of the year and, according
to Time, the best tweet for 2010 was written by John McCain. Experts say
it's even more impressive because McCain thought he was opening his
garage door.
-Conan O'Brien
Larry King has been married more times than Henry the Eighth. We used to
have that rhyme to keep track of them. 'Divorced, beheaded, died.
Divorced, beheaded, survived.' With Larry I think it goes, 'Divorced,
beheaded, divorced, escaped. Zombie, lesbian, disappeared, inflatable.'
-Craig
Ferguson
Categories: Craig Ferguson, Political Jokes of the Week
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