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ISSN: 1525-898X
Observations by and for the vaguely disenchanted by Kevin G. Barkes

 

Conceived above a saloon, delivered into this world by a masked man identified by his heavily sedated mother as Captain Video, raised by a kindly West Virginian woman, a mild-mannered former reporter with modest delusions of grandeur and no tolerance of idiots and the intellectually dishonest.

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network solutions made me a child pornographer!
The sordid details...

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Anniversary

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Requiem for a fictional Scotsman

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Oh my God! They killed Library!! Those bastards!!!

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Elegy to a Mostly Maine Coon

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It's a Hap-Hap-Happy Day

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A Pittsburgher in the Really Big City

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Da Burg Annat

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I Have Issues

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Yeah, yeah, I'm inspired

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At least the rivers freeze in Pittsburgh

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He knows if yinz is a jagoff

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Please support KGB Report by making your amazon.com purchases through our affiliate link:
 

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dcl dialogue online!

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no. we're not that kgb.

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KGB, CIA linked

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The Carbolic Smoke Ball
Superb satire, and based in Pittsburgh!

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Americans United for Separation of Church and State

"No religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States."
Article VI, U.S. Constitution

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Geek of the Week, 7/16/2000

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Cruel Site of the Day, 7/15/2000

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miscellany

Hard to describe.

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"a breezy writing style and a cool mix of tidbits"

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Our riveting and morally compelling...

Privacy statement

One of  52,042 random quotes. Please CTRL-F5 to refresh the page.

	kgbreport.com Web

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(July 2000 and earlier)

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Saturday, September 12, 2009
posted by KGB at 12:01 AM (permalink)

Forced retirement

For the past couple years, I've been participating in weekly polls conducted by NBC dealing with television viewing.

This week's poll showed up in my e-mail box and I dutifully clicked on the link.

Gender? Male.

Age? Yesterday was my birthday, so for the very first time I checked the box 55-59. I was immediately presented with:

This concludes our survey. Thank you very much for your time and cooperation.

Fine. Instead of Leno, I'm watching CBS next week.

Cranky? Nah, I'm just getting old...

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Friday, September 11, 2009
posted by KGB at 7:19 AM (permalink)

Quote of the day

When baring your teeth, the effect is more impressive if they're actually in your mouth.
-The Covert Comic

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posted by KGB at 12:00 AM (permalink)

9/11

Today's my birthday, and I've reached that monumental point in my life when I'm eligible to order from the seniors menu at Denny's.

But, of course, today is also the anniversary of the disaster which still haunts many of us...

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Thursday, September 10, 2009
posted by KGB at 12:17 AM (permalink)

Ooops.

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Wednesday, September 09, 2009
posted by KGB at 5:58 AM (permalink)

Happy birthday, Hoyt

Another composer few people know by name is Hoyt Curtin, who wrote most of the now-iconic music for all of the Hanna-Barbera cartoon series from Ruff and Ready in the 50s through The Smurfs in the 70s- 145 themes in all.

Curtin is perhaps most remembered for his themes to The Flintstones and The Jetsons, but his music for Jonny Quest is perhaps the best example of a great 60s jazz tune:

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Tuesday, September 08, 2009
posted by KGB at 12:01 AM (permalink)

09-09-09

Tomorrow's a great day to be a Beatles fan....

 

 

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Monday, September 07, 2009
posted by KGB at 12:01 AM (permalink)

Happy birthday, Al

 

I'd wager not many Pittsburghers recognize Al Caiola's name. But if you grew up in the 60s and 70s and watched Chiller Theatre every Saturday night, you'd immediately recognize the instrumental classic, Experiment in Terror, an up-tempo version of West Aliquippa native Henry Mancini's theme to the 1962 Blake Edwards film.

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Sunday, September 06, 2009
posted by KGB at 1:30 AM (permalink)

This I Believe (Right Wingnut Edition)

• Parents who don't want their children to pray in school are Anti-American zealots -- parents who don't want their children to listen to a speech by the President of the United States telling them to work hard and get good grades are noble patriots.

• Peacefully demonstrating against the country starting an international war is treason -- showing up with automatic weapons to protest health care reform is democracy at its finest.

• Any government official with a desk job should have every action scrutinized -- any government official with a badge and a gun should never be questioned or disrespected. At all. Ever.

• Questioning the legitimacy of an election because the "winner" was selected by the Supreme Court is sour grapes -- questioning the legitimacy of an election because the winner (by the largest number of votes in American history) is really a Kenyan born Muslim despite all evidence to the contrary is being a vigilant American.

• Lying about oral sex is an impeachable offense -- lying about a war is no big deal, really.

• Investigating a shady land deal involving the First Lady is a matter of national integrity -- investigating the use of torture at the direction of the Executive Branch is a partisan witch hunt.

• Executing Japanese officers for waterboarding prisoners during WWII shows that we have the moral high-ground on human rights -- waterboarding prisoners of our own shows that we have the moral high-ground on human rights.

• Sitting two rows in front of Jane Fonda in a 1970 anti-war rally is an outrage. Shaking Saddam's hand in 1983...meh, not so much.

• Anyone who questions the president during a time of war is giving aid and comfort to the enemy and should be deported... unless the president in question has a (D) next to his name, in which case you should undermine him at every turn; even if you have to routinely make stuff up to do it.

• Socialism, Marxism, Communism and Fascism are all interchangeable words that mean pretty much the same thing.

• Anyone who abuses drugs should be locked up indefinitely... unless he is a popular Republican radio host in which case he needs your prayers as he recovers from the illness of addiction.

• Health insurance companies have your best interests in mind, and anyone who thinks otherwise is trying to turn America into the godless heathen nation of Sweden where everyone in the country dies. Eventually.

• Obama is an atheist communist muslim who attended a radical christian church.

• Believing that human activity could impact the global environment is crazy talk -- believing that an invisible man in the sky personally told George Bush to invade Iraq to fulfill Biblical prophecy is logically sound.

• The verdict is still out on evolution -- but Jesus Christ returning in our lifetimes is a pretty much a given.

• The media are unquestionably biased against Republicans -- Talk Radio, The Washington Times, The Weekly Standard, The Wall Street Journal, Rightwing Blogs, Fox News and NewsCorp are not part of the media.

• The government should have no part in regulating multi-national corporations as they make decisions that impact the lives of millions of people -- government should regulate individuals by determining who they can marry, what kind of intercourse they can have, what they can smoke, how to manage their pregnancies and how to proceed with end of life decisions.

• Communicating with hostile nations is a stab in the back to our great nation -- Reagan communicating with the USSR during the Cold War was political genius.

• Iran is a mortal threat to our nation and anyone who attempts to talk to them is traitorous scum -- selling weapons to Iran and then funneling the money to start wars in South America is clearly in our national interest.

• George Bush kept the nation safe after 9-11 (NOTE: the Anthrax attacks, the DC snipers and Hurricane Katrina don't count. Also, the fact that 9-11 happened on his watch despite a security briefing specifically warning of the attack doesn't count either.)

• Social Security, Medicare, public schooling, public libraries, fire departments, police departments and the US Military are as American as Apple Pie -- universal healthcare is Death Panel Socialism!!

• George W. Bush was a regular 'ole Texas rancher just like you and me despite the fact that he was born in Connecticut, attended two Ivy League schools, bought the Crawford ranch just before running for president, sold it immediately after leaving office and is terrified of horses.

• The two guys at the center of the Watergate and Iran-Contra scandals are trustworthy voices in discussions of current national policy and should be taken at face-value.

(adapted from a post by tpaulman on Reddit)

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Copyright © 1987-2024 by Kevin G. Barkes
All rights reserved.
Violators will be prosecuted.
So there.  
The kgb@kgb.com e-mail address is now something other than kgb@kgb.com saga.
kgbreport.com used to be kgb.com until December, 2007 when the domain name broker Trout Zimmer made an offer I couldn't refuse. Giving up kgb.com and adopting kgbreport.com created a significant problem, however. I had acquired the kgb.com domain name in 1993, and had since that time used kgb@kgb.com as my sole e-mail address. How to let people know that kgb@kgb.com was no longer kgb@kgb.com but rather kgbarkes@gmail.com which is longer than kgb@kgb.com and more letters to type than kgb@kgb.com and somehow less aesthetically pleasing than kgb@kgb.com but actually just as functional as kgb@kgb.com? I sent e-mails from the kgb@kgb.com address to just about everybody I knew who had used kgb@kgb.com in the past decade and a half but noticed that some people just didn't seem to get the word about the kgb@kgb.com change. So it occurred to me that if I were generate some literate, valid text in which kgb@kgb.com was repeated numerous times and posted it on a bunch of different pages- say, a blog indexed by Google- that someone looking for kgb@kgb.com would notice this paragraph repeated in hundreds of locations, would read it, and figure out that kgb@kgb.com no longer is the kgb@kgb.com they thought it was. That's the theory, anyway. kgb@kgb.com. Ok, I'm done. Move along. Nothing to see here...