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ISSN: 1525-898X
Observations by and for the vaguely disenchanted by Kevin G. Barkes

 

Conceived above a saloon, delivered into this world by a masked man identified by his heavily sedated mother as Captain Video, raised by a kindly West Virginian woman, a mild-mannered former reporter with modest delusions of grandeur and no tolerance of idiots and the intellectually dishonest.

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network solutions made me a child pornographer!
The sordid details...

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Anniversary

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Requiem for a fictional Scotsman

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Oh my God! They killed Library!! Those bastards!!!

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Elegy to a Mostly Maine Coon

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It's a Hap-Hap-Happy Day

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A Pittsburgher in the Really Big City

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Da Burg Annat

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I Have Issues

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Yeah, yeah, I'm inspired

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At least the rivers freeze in Pittsburgh

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He knows if yinz is a jagoff

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Please support KGB Report by making your amazon.com purchases through our affiliate link:
 

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dcl dialogue online!

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no. we're not that kgb.

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KGB, CIA linked

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The Carbolic Smoke Ball
Superb satire, and based in Pittsburgh!

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Americans United for Separation of Church and State

"No religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States."
Article VI, U.S. Constitution

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Geek of the Week, 7/16/2000

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Cruel Site of the Day, 7/15/2000

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miscellany

Hard to describe.

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"a breezy writing style and a cool mix of tidbits"

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Our riveting and morally compelling...

Privacy statement

One of  52,045 random quotes. Please CTRL-F5 to refresh the page.

	kgbreport.com Web

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(July 2000 and earlier)

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Saturday, November 01, 2008
posted by KGB at 12:01 AM (permalink)

News you can use

(via TechRepublic)

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Friday, October 31, 2008
posted by KGB at 9:43 AM (permalink)

"Real" Americans don't willfuly ignore the Constitution

Like all elected officials, United States Senators swear to uphold the Constitution of the United States. Article 6 of the Constitution states:

"No religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States."

I added the emphasis for a reason. In many areas, the Constitution's language is broad and non-specific. The founders took that approach, some believe, to prevent the document from becoming obsolete and to allow interpretations which take into account unanticipated changes in society.

But in this instance, the intention of the framers cannot be misinterpreted. It is the only time the word ever is used in the Constitution. There is no doubt whatsoever of the authors' intentions.

Which makes this little gem even more reprehensible:

Senator Dole is asking voters to apply a test of religious belief to determine the eligibility of her opponent to serve in the U.S. Senate. In short, she is fomenting treason by urging citizens to explicitly violate the most unambiguous, fundamental rule of law established by our founders.

Frankly, Dole deserves not only to lose the election, but to be impeached for failing to uphold the Constitution she swore to defend.

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posted by KGB at 8:59 AM (permalink)

I don't know about the dogs...

...but this would have been handy when the kids were in their hyperactive, "you're touching me!" phase.

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posted by KGB at 8:55 AM (permalink)

Yikes

Fox News not only throws John McCain under the bus, Cavuto parks the bus right on top of him:

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posted by KGB at 1:06 AM (permalink)

Quotes of the day

There are three things I have learned never to discuss with people: religion, politics and the Great Pumpkin.
-Linus Van Pelt in It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown by Charles Schulz

I'll bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.
-Unattributed

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Thursday, October 30, 2008
posted by KGB at 12:01 AM (permalink)

Quotes of the day

Dogs are our link to paradise. They don't know evil or jealousy or discontent. To sit with a dog on a hillside on a glorious afternoon is to be back in Eden, where doing nothing was not boring. It was peace.
-Milan Kundera

The fidelity of a Dog is a precious gift, demanding no less binding moral responsibilities than the friendship of a Human Being. The bond with a True Dog is as lasting as the ties of this Earth will ever be.
-Konrad Lorenz

We are alone, absolutely alone on this chance planet: and, amid all the forms of life that surround us, not one, excepting the dog, has made an alliance with us.
-Maurice Maeterlinck

Histories are more full of examples of the fidelity of dogs than of friends.
-Alexander Pope

All knowledge, the totality of all questions and all answers is contained in the dog.
-Franz Kafka

No matter how little money and how few possesions you own, having a dog makes you rich.
-Louis Sabin

He possessed beauty without vanity, strength without insolence; courage without ferocity; and all the virtues of man without his vices.
-Lord Byron's epitaph for his dog

Old age means realizing you will never own all the dogs you wanted to.
-Joe Gores

That's the whole secret of life. Life is a series of dogs.
-George Carlin

Old men miss many dogs.
-Steve Allen

A dog is the only thing on this earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
-Henry Wheeler Shaw

Many years ago when an adored dog died, a great friend, a bishop, said to me, "You must always remember that, as far as the Bible is concerned, God only threw the humans out of Paradise."
-Bruce Foyle

God will prepare everything for our perfect happiness in heaven, and if it takes my dog being there, I believe he'll be there.
-Rev. Billy Graham

You think dogs will not be in heaven? I tell you, they will be there long before any of us.
-Robert Louis Stevenson

If there are no dogs in heaven, when I die I want to go where they go.
-Will Rogers

I have sometimes thought of the final cause of dogs having such short lives and I am quite satisfied it is in compassion to the human race; for if we suffer so much in loving a dog after an acquaintance of ten or twelve years, what would it be if they were to live double that time?
-Sir Walter Scott

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.
-James Thurber

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Wednesday, October 29, 2008
posted by KGB at 3:46 AM (permalink)

Why geeks rule

Beatles Unknown "A Hard Day's Night" Chord Mystery
Solved Using Fourier Transform

Short answer: there's a piano in there, too.

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Tuesday, October 28, 2008
posted by KGB at 2:43 PM (permalink)

Good girl

Jellybean Louise Barkes
"Beanie"
1995-2008

Thank you for the gift of her companionship,
and for the strength to return her to you.
(She really likes white pizza and bacon.)

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posted by KGB at 3:06 AM (permalink)

Quote of the day

If you can't make it good, at least make it look good.
-Bill Gates (b October 28, 1955)

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Monday, October 27, 2008
posted by KGB at 12:01 AM (permalink)

Political sign of the day

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Sunday, October 26, 2008
posted by KGB at 12:00 AM (permalink)

I don't understand it...

This site provides superb explanations of word origins and proper usage. I just spent an hour there and was thoroughly engrossed. Odd thing is, I can't recall a single word that was covered. Go figure. (via Zay Smith's QT column in the Chicago Sun-Times.)

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Copyright © 1987-2024 by Kevin G. Barkes
All rights reserved.
Violators will be prosecuted.
So there.  
The kgb@kgb.com e-mail address is now something other than kgb@kgb.com saga.
kgbreport.com used to be kgb.com until December, 2007 when the domain name broker Trout Zimmer made an offer I couldn't refuse. Giving up kgb.com and adopting kgbreport.com created a significant problem, however. I had acquired the kgb.com domain name in 1993, and had since that time used kgb@kgb.com as my sole e-mail address. How to let people know that kgb@kgb.com was no longer kgb@kgb.com but rather kgbarkes@gmail.com which is longer than kgb@kgb.com and more letters to type than kgb@kgb.com and somehow less aesthetically pleasing than kgb@kgb.com but actually just as functional as kgb@kgb.com? I sent e-mails from the kgb@kgb.com address to just about everybody I knew who had used kgb@kgb.com in the past decade and a half but noticed that some people just didn't seem to get the word about the kgb@kgb.com change. So it occurred to me that if I were generate some literate, valid text in which kgb@kgb.com was repeated numerous times and posted it on a bunch of different pages- say, a blog indexed by Google- that someone looking for kgb@kgb.com would notice this paragraph repeated in hundreds of locations, would read it, and figure out that kgb@kgb.com no longer is the kgb@kgb.com they thought it was. That's the theory, anyway. kgb@kgb.com. Ok, I'm done. Move along. Nothing to see here...