A diplomat's life is made up of three ingredients: protocol, Geritol and
-Adlai E. Stevenson II
Alcohol and marijuana, if used in moderation, plus loud, usually
low-class music, make stress and boredom infinitely more bearable.
-Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
Alcohol gives you infinite patience for stupidity.
-Sammy Davis, Jr.
Alcohol is a very necessary article... it enables Parliament to do
things at eleven at night that no sane person would do at eleven in the
-George Bernard Shaw
Alcohol is like love. The first kiss is magic, the second is intimate,
the third is routine. After that you take the girl's clothes off.
Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of
himself, undisturbed be the facts.
-Finley Peter Dunne
Alcohol is really just the liquid version of Photoshop.
Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.
-George Bernard Shaw
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
Alcohol, hashish, prussic acid, strychnine are weak dilutions. The
surest poison is time.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Alcoholism isn't a spectator sport. Eventually the whole family gets to
Americans are a broad-minded people. They'll accept the fact that a
person can be alcoholic, a dope fiend or a wife-beater, but if a man
doesn't drive a car, everybody thinks that something is wrong with him.
An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.
Being a functioning alcoholic is kind of like being a paraplegic lap
dancer- you can do it, just not as well as the others, really.
Coleridge was a drug addict. Poe was an alcoholic. Marlowe was killed by
a man whom he was treacherously trying to stab. Pope took money to keep
a woman's name out of a satire, then wrote the piece so that she could
still be recognized anyhow. Chatterton killed himself. Byron was accused
of incest. Do you still want to be a writer? And if so, why?
Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be
alcohol or morphine or idealism.
I am allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs.
-Robert Downey, Jr.
I am more afraid of King Alcohol than of all the bullets of the enemy.
-Thomas J. ('Stonewall') Jackson
I get little enjoyment out of women, more out of alcohol, most out of
I got my dog three years ago because I was drunk in a pet store. We had
nine cats at the time. The cats started hiding the alcohol after that.
I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence or insanity to anyone, but
they've always worked for me.
-Hunter S. Thompson
I just wrote one song at a time. Kinda like an alcoholic. One day at a
I went to rehab (for alcoholism) in wine country, just to keep my
I'm just saying if you're gonna have a war against drugs, have 'em
against all drugs, including alcohol.
I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. When it's my
birthday, and when it's not my birthday.
If there was a pill that allowed you to drink and not get drunk, an
alcoholic would go 'What happens if you take two?'
If they took all the drugs, nicotine, alcohol and caffeine off the
market for six days, they'd have to bring out the tanks to control you.
Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female
alcoholics should be told not to f*ck.
It is no defense of superstition and pseudoscience to say that it brings
solace and comfort to people... If solace and comfort are how we judge
the worth of something, then consider that tobacco brings solace and
comfort to smokers; alcohol brings it to drinkers; drugs of all kinds
bring it to addicts; the fall of cards and the run of horses bring it to
gamblers; cruelty and violence bring it to sociopaths. Judge by solace
and comfort only and there is no behavior we ought to interfere with.
It's hard to argue with the government. Remember, they run the Bureau of
Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, so they must know a thing or two about
Just as natural selection weeds out the weak and infirm making a
stronger herd, so does alcohol improve your brain's capabilities by
destroying the weaker cells.
Lying is the same as alcoholism. Liars prevaricate even on their
Many a person has been saved from summer alcoholism, not to mention
hypertoxicity, by Dostoyevsky.
-Roy Blount, Jr.
Milk without fat is like nonalcoholic Scotch.
My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New
Never refuse wine. It is an odd but universally held opinion that anyone
who doesn't drink must be an alcoholic.
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food
groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
Our national drug is alcohol. We tend to regard the use of any other
drug with special horror.
-William S. Burroughs
Sanity is an illusion caused by alcohol deficiency.
Terrible climate, centuries of oppression, and the gene for alcoholism.
Or as I call it, 'The luck of the Irish.'
The chief reason for drinking is the desire to behave in a certain way,
and to be able to blame it on alcohol.
The first, indeed the only, requirement of a diet is that it should lose
you weight without reducing your alcoholic intake by the smallest degree.
The intermediate stage between socialism and capitalism is alcoholism.
There are essentially only two drugs that Western civilization
tolerates: Caffeine from Monday to Friday to energize you enough to make
you a productive member of society, and alcohol from Friday to Monday to
keep you too stupid to figure out the prison that you are living in.
There is a terrible sameness to the euphoria of alcohol and the euphoria
Three most deleterious things of modern life in their present order of
importance are: tobacco, alcohol and intemperate eating. Both alcohol
and tobacco are taboo in plants.
To alcohol, the cause of and solution to all of life's problems.
(From the TV series The Simpsons)
Two great European narcotics, alcohol and Christianity.
-Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
Where are the reporters of yesteryear? The nail biting, acerbic,
alcoholic nighthawk bastards who truly knew how to write?