Quotes of the day: Dorothy Parker

Published Thursday, August 21, 2014 @ 10:11 PM EDT
Aug 21 2014

Dorothy Parker (August 22, 1893 – June 7, 1967) was an American poet, short story writer, critic and satirist, best known for her wit, wisecracks, and eye for 20th-century urban foibles.

From a conflicted and unhappy childhood, Parker rose to acclaim, both for her literary output in such venues as The New Yorker and as a founding member of the Algonquin Round Table. Following the breakup of the circle, Parker traveled to Hollywood to pursue screenwriting. Her successes there, including two Academy Award nominations, were curtailed as her involvement in left-wing politics led to a place on the Hollywood blacklist.

Dismissive of her own talents, she deplored her reputation as a "wisecracker". Nevertheless, her literary output and reputation for her sharp wit have endured.

After the United States entered the Second World War, Parker and Alexander Woollcott collaborated to produce an anthology of her work as part of a series published by Viking Press for servicemen stationed overseas. With an introduction by Somerset Maugham the volume compiled over two dozen of Parker's short stories along with selected poems from Enough Rope, Sunset Gun, and Death and Taxes. It was released in the United States in 1944 under the title The Portable Dorothy Parker. Parker's is one of only three of the Portable series (the other two being William Shakespeare and The Bible) to remain continuously in print.

Parker died on June 7, 1967, of a heart attack at the age of 73. In her will, she bequeathed her estate to Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Following King's death, her estate was passed on to the NAACP. Her executor, Lillian Hellman, bitterly but unsuccessfully contested this disposition. Her ashes remained unclaimed in various places, including her attorney Paul O'Dwyer's filing cabinet, for approximately 17 years.

In 1988, the NAACP claimed Parker's remains and designed a memorial garden for them outside their Baltimore headquarters. The plaque reads,

Here lie the ashes of Dorothy Parker (1893–1967) humorist, writer, critic. Defender of human and civil rights. For her epitaph she suggested, 'Excuse my dust'. This memorial garden is dedicated to her noble spirit which celebrated the oneness of humankind and to the bonds of everlasting friendship between black and Jewish people. Dedicated by the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People. October 28, 1988.

In 2014, Parker was elected to the New Jersey Hall of Fame.

(Click here for full Wikipedia article)


A girl's best friend is her mutter.

Age before beauty... and pearls before swine.

All those writers who write about their childhood! Gentle God, if I wrote about mine you wouldn't sit in the same room with me.

As only New Yorkers know, if you can get through the twilight, you'll live through the night.

Authors and actors and artists and such
Never know nothing, and never know much.

Better be left by twenty dears
Than lie in a love-less bed;
Better a loaf that's wet with tears,
Than cold, unsalted bread.

Brevity is the soul of lingerie.

Constant use had not worn ragged the fabric of their friendship.

Drink and dance and laugh and lie,
Love, the reeling midnight through,
For tomorrow we shall die!
(But, alas, we never do.)

Ducking for apples- change one letter and it's the story of my life.

Every love is the love before
In a duller dress.

Every year back comes Spring, with nasty little birds, yapping their fool heads off and the ground all mucked up with plants.

Excuse my dust. (Proposed epitaph for herself)

Four be the things I am wiser to know:
Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe.

Four be the things I'd have been better without:
love, curiosity, freckles and doubt.

Her golden rule is plain enough-
Just get them young and treat them rough.

Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.

I hate almost all rich people, but I think I'd be darling at it.

I hate women. They get on my nerves.

I hate writing, I love having written.

I know that there are things that never have been funny, and never will be. And I know that ridicule may be a shield, but it is not a weapon.

I require three things in a man. He must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.

I should have stayed at home for dinner. I could have had something on a tray. The head of John the Baptist, or something.

I'd like to have money. And I'd like to be a good writer. But if that's too adorable, I'd rather have money.

I'm never going to accomplish anything; that's perfectly clear to me. I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I don't do anything. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more.

If I didn't care for fun and such,
I'd probably amount to much.
But I shall stay the way I am,
Because I do not give a damn.

If I don't drive around the park,
I'm pretty sure to make my mark.
If I'm in bed each night by ten,
I may get back my looks again.
If I abstain from fun and such,
I'll probably amount to much;
But I shall stay the way I am,
Because I do not give a damn.

If I had any decency, I'd be dead. Most of my friends are.
(at age 70)

If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they're happy.

If you wear a short enough skirt, the party will come to you.

It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard.
(Upon entering the hospital for an abortion.)

It's a small apartment, I've barely enough room to lay a hat and a few friends.

It's not the tragedies that kill us, it's the messes.

Men seldom make passes
At girls who wear glasses.

Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.

Now I know the things I know, and I do the things I do; and if you do not like me so, to hell, my love, with you!

Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
A medley of extemporanea;
And love is a thing that can never go wrong;
And I am Marie of Romania.

Oh, seek my love, your newer way;
I'll not be left in sorrow.
So long as I have yesterday,
Go take your damned tomorrow!

One more drink and I'd have been under the host.

People Who Do Things exceed my endurance;
God, for a man that solicits insurance!

Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.

Salary is no object: I want only enough to keep body and soul apart.

Scratch a lover, and find a foe.

She looks like something that would eat its young.

She wore a low but futile decolletage.

Some men tear your heart in two,
Some men flirt and flatter,
Some men never look at you,
And that clears up the matter.

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say No in any of them.

That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.

The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of their tires.

The only 'ism' Hollywood believes in is plagiarism.

The place was filled with people who looked as if they had been scraped out of drains.

The two most beautiful words in the English language are 'check enclosed.'

Their pooled emotions wouldn't fill a teaspoon.

There are those who, in their pride and their innocence, dedicate their careers to writing humorous pieces. Poor dears, the world is stacked against them from the start, for everybody in it has the right to look at their work and say, 'I don't think that's funny.'

There's a hell of a distance between wise-cracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.

They sicken of the calm, who know the storm.

This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it.

Three highballs, and I think I'm St. Francis of Assisi.

Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

'Union' is spelled with five letters. It is not a four-letter word.

What fresh hell can this be?

Why is it no one ever sent me yet
One perfect limousine, do you suppose?
Ah no, it's always just my luck to get
One perfect rose.

You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.

You can't teach an old dogma new tricks.

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Quotes of the day: Lady Mary Wortley Montagu

Published Wednesday, August 20, 2014 @ 8:20 PM EDT
Aug 20 2014

Well known throughout polite society for her wit and verse, English world traveller Lady Mary Wortley Montagu (May 15, 1689 - August 21, 1762) also worked to introduce the practice of inoculation against smallpox to the medical establishment of eighteenth-century Britain, despite their resistance to taking advice (Click here for full YourDictionary.com article.)


A face is too slight a foundation for happiness.

A man that is ashamed of passions that are natural and reasonable is generally proud of those that are shameful and silly.

Be plain in dress, and sober in your diet;
In short, my deary, kiss me and be quiet.

Civility costs nothing, and gains everything.

I despise the pleasure of pleasing people that I despise.

I enjoy vast delight in the folly of mankind; and, God be praised, that is an inexhaustible source of entertainment.

I give myself sometimes admirable advice, but I am incapable of taking it.

I wish you would moderate that fondness you have for your children. I do not mean you should abate any part of your care, or not do your duty to them in its utmost extent, but I would have you early prepare yourself for disappointments, which are heavy in proportion to their being surprising.

Life is too short for a long story.

No entertainment is so cheap as reading, nor any pleasure so lasting.

No modest man ever did or ever will make a fortune.

Nobody should trust their virtue with necessity, the force of which is never known till it is felt, and it is therefore one of the first duties to avoid the temptation of it.

People are never so near playing the fool as when they think themselves wise.

People commonly educate their children as they build their houses, according to some plan they think beautiful, without considering whether it is suited to the purposes for which they are designed.

Philosophy is the toil which can never tire persons engaged in it. All ways are strewn with roses, and the farther you go, the more enchanting objects appear before you and invite you on.

Time has the same effect on the mind as on the face; the predominant passion and the strongest feature become more conspicuous from the others' retiring.

To be ever beloved, one must be ever agreeable.

We are educated in the grossest ignorance, and no art omitted to stifle our natural reason; if some few get above their nurses' instructions, our knowledge must rest concealed and be as useless to the world as gold in the mine.

You can be pleased with nothing when you are not pleased with yourself.

There is nothing can pay one for that invaluable ignorance which is the companion of youth, those sanguine groundless hopes, and that lively vanity which makes all the happiness of life.

Nature is seldom in the wrong, custom always.

Whoever will cultivate their own mind will find full employment.

Solitude begets whimsies.

Categories: Lady Mary Wortley Montagu; Quotes of the day

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Quotes of the day: Paul Tillich

Published Tuesday, August 19, 2014 @ 10:59 PM EDT
Aug 19 2014

Paul Johannes Tillich (August 20, 1886 – October 22, 1965) was a German American Christian existentialist philosopher and theologian who is widely regarded as one of the most influential theologians of the twentieth century. Among the general public, he is best known for his works The Courage to Be (1952) and Dynamics of Faith (1957), which introduced issues of theology and modern culture to a general readership. (Click here for full Wikipedia article)


Anger is a noble infirmity; the generous failing of the just; the one degree that riseth above zeal, asserting the prerogative of virtue.

Astonishment is the root of philosophy.

Being religious means asking passionately the question of the meaning of our existence and being willing to receive answers, even if the answers hurt.

Boredom is rage spread thin.

Cruelty towards others is always also cruelty towards ourselves.

Decision is a risk rooted in the courage of being free.

Doubt isn't the opposite of faith; it is an element of faith.

Even loneliness is not absolute loneliness because the contents of the universe are in him.

He who risks and fails can be forgiven. He who never risks and never fails is a failure in his whole being.

In this respect fundamentalism has demonic traits. It destroys the humble honesty of the search for truth, it splits the conscience of its thoughtful adherents, and it makes them fanatical because they are forced to suppress elements of truth of which they are dimly aware.

Language has created the word loneliness to express the pain of being alone, and the word solitude to express the glory of being alone.

Life remains ambiguous as long as there is life.

Man is asked to make of himself what he is supposed to become to fulfill his destiny.

Man's ultimate concern must be expressed symbolically, because symbolic language alone is able to express the ultimate.

Neurosis is the way of avoiding non-being by avoiding being.

Nothing truly real is forgotten eternally, because everything real comes from eternity and goes to eternity.

Our language has wisely sensed the two sides of being alone. It has created the word loneliness to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word solitude to express the glory of being alone.

Sometimes doubt conquers faith, but it still contains faith. Otherwise it would be indifference.

The courage to be is the courage to accept oneself, in spite of being unacceptable.

The first duty of love is to listen.

The truth of faith cannot be confirmed by latest physical or biological or psychological discoveries- as it cannot be denied by them.

There is no love which does not become help.

Categories: Paul Tillich; Quotes of the day

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Quotes of the day: John Dryden

Published Tuesday, August 19, 2014 @ 3:54 AM EDT
Aug 19 2014

John Dryden (August 19, 1631 - May 12, 1700) was an English poet, literary critic, translator, and playwright who was made Poet Laureate in 1668. He dominated the literary life of Restoration England to such a point that the period came to be known in literary circles as the Age of Dryden. Walter Scott called him "Glorious John. (Click here for full Wikipedia article)


A man is to be cheated into passion, but reasoned into truth.

All delays are dangerous in war.

All heiresses are beautiful.

Better shun the bait, than struggle in the snare.

Beware the fury of a patient man.

Bold knaves thrive without one grain of sense,
But good men starve for want of impudence.

Burn daylight.

But far more numerous was the herd of such,
Who think too little, and who talk too much.

Content with poverty, my soul I arm;
And virtue, though in rags, will keep me warm.

Death in itself is nothing; but we fear
To be we know not what, we know not where.

Either be wholly slaves or wholly free.

Even victors are by victories undone.

For present joys are more to flesh and blood
Than a dull prospect of a distant good.

Genius must be born, and never can be taught.

Great wits are sure to madness near allied,
And thin partitions do their bounds divide.

I am resolved to grow fat, and look young till forty.

Mankind is ever the same, and nothing lost out of nature, though everything is altered.

None but the brave deserves the fair.

Nor is the people's judgment always true:
The most may err as grossly as the few.

Of all the tyrannies on human kind
The worst is that which persecutes the mind.

Pains of love be sweeter far
Than all other pleasures are.

Repentance is but want of power to sin.

Secret guilt by silence is betrayed.

Self-defense is Nature's eldest law.

Successful crimes alone are justified.

Sweet is pleasure after pain.

The wretched have no friends.

There is a pleasure sure
In being mad, which none but madmen know!

Thou strong seducer, Opportunity!

War is the trade of Kings.

War seldom enters but where wealth allures.

What passion cannot Music raise and quell?

With how much ease believe we what we wish!

Categories: John Dryden; Quotes of the day

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Quotes of the day: Denis Leary

Published Monday, August 18, 2014 @ 12:00 AM EDT
Aug 18 2014

Denis Colin Leary (b. August 18, 1957) is an American actor, comedian, writer, director and film producer. He is known for his biting and fast-paced comedic style. He was the star and co-creator of the television show Rescue Me, which ended its seventh and final season on September 7, 2011. He has starred in many motion pictures, most recently as Captain George Stacy in Marc Webb's 2012 film The Amazing Spider-Man and the voice of Diego in the animated Ice Age series. (Click here for full Wikipedia article)

Don't buy the toys that make the noise!

Hollywood is like baseball: Hit three good ones out of ten and you're a Hall of Famer.

How many whales do we really need? I figure five. One for each ocean.

I believe in prescription drugs. I believe in feeling better.

I think we should take Iraq and Iran and combine them into one country and call it Irate. All the pissed off people live in one place and get it over with.

I want you to take away the hope because that's the thing that's killing me.

I would have to commit a crime and have cops chase me. That would be the only way to get me to jog five miles.

I'm no day at the beach. And if it is a beach, it's Hampton Beach. Ever been there? It's not nice.

If you had no enemies, you had no fun.

If you want a long-term relationship that doesn't require a lot of work, I say, get a dog. They love you no matter what. But when it comes to humans, there's no secret; you really have to appreciate the person every single day.

If you're over 52 years old and you're on Facebook, do us all a favor and log off now.

Jon Stewart is exactly the same guy he's always been, only with money. He knows that the moment he really believes he's important, the funny goes away and he becomes Bill O'Reilly, except shorter and Jewish.

Most people think life sucks, and then you die. Not me. I beg to differ. I think life sucks, then you get cancer, then your dog dies, your wife leaves you, the cancer goes into remission, you get a new dog, you get remarried, you owe ten million dollars in medical bills but you work hard for thirty-five years and you pay it back and then- one day- you have a massive stroke, your whole right side is paralyzed, you have to limp along the streets and speak out of the left side of your mouth and drool but you go into rehabilitation and regain the power to walk and the power to talk and then- one day- you step off a curb at Sixty-seventh Street, and BANG you get hit by a city bus and then you die. Maybe.

My goal is to leave this planet with the biggest carbon footprint I can possibly leave.

My only worry about tweeting and modern technology is how it has crept into even the darkest corners of the absolute global village we live in.

No woman can be completely happy at any one moment in time. They're always anticipating the next thing to argue or complain about.

Not eating meat is a decision, eating meat is an instinct.

Racism isn't born, folks. It's taught. I have a two-year-old son. Know what he hates? Naps. End of list.

The only difference between kids and jungle animals is pants. Kids wear them. Jungle animals don't.

There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothes that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid.

We didn't have rehab back in the Seventies. Back in the Seventies, rehab meant you stopped doing coke, but you kept smoking pot and drinking for a couple more weeks

Why hate someone for the color of their skin when there are much better reasons to hate them?

You know why the French hate us so much? Thay gave us the croissant. And you know what we did with it? We turned it into our croissandwich, thank you very much.


(August 18 is also the birthday of Roberto Clemente and Elayne Boosler, )

Categories: Denis Leary; Quotes of the day

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Quotes of the day: Charlotte Perkins

Published Sunday, August 17, 2014 @ 12:00 AM EDT
Aug 17 2014

Charlotte Perkins Gilman (July 3, 1860 – August 17, 1935) was a prominent American feminist, sociologist, novelist, writer of short stories, poetry, and nonfiction, and a lecturer for social reform. She was a utopian feminist during a time when her accomplishments were exceptional for women, and she served as a role model for future generations of feminists because of her unorthodox concepts and lifestyle. Her best remembered work today is her semi- autobiographical short story "The Yellow Wallpaper" which she wrote after a severe bout of postpartum psychosis. (Click here for full Wikipedia article)


A man's honor always seems to want to kill a woman to satisfy it.

But reason has no power against feeling, and feeling older than history is no light matter.

Death? Why this fuss about death. Use your imagination, try to visualize a world without death! . . . Death is the essential condition of life, not an evil.

Eternity is not something that begins after you are dead. It is going on all the time. We are in it now.

Habits of thought persist through the centuries; and while a healthy brain may reject the doctrine it no longer believes, it will continue to feel the same sentiments formerly associated with that doctrine.

In a sick society, women who have difficulty fitting in are not ill but demonstrating a healthy and positive response.

In our steady insistence on proclaiming sex-distinction we have grown to consider most human attributes as masculine attributes, for the simple reason that they were allowed for men and forbidden to women.

It will be a great thing for the human soul when it finally stops worshiping backwards.

Love grows by service.

Only as we live, think, feel, and work outside the home, do we become humanly developed, civilized, socialized.

Patriotism is largely pride, and very largely combativeness. Patriotism generally has a chip on its shoulder.

Patriotism, red hot, is compatible with the existence of a neglect of national interests, a dishonesty, a cold indifference to the suffering of millions.

The first duty of a human being is to assume the right relationship to society- more briefly, to find your real job, and do it.

The labor of women in the house, certainly, enables men to produce more wealth than they otherwise could; and in this way women are economic factors in society. But so are horses.

The mother as a social servant instead of a home servant will not lack in true mother duty... From her work, loved and honored though it is, she will return to her home life, the child life, with an eager, ceaseless pleasure, cleansed of all the fret and fraction and weariness that so mar it now.

The mother- poor invaded soul- finds even the bathroom door no bar to hammering little hands.

The softest, freest, most pliable and changeful living substance is the brain -- the hardest and most iron-bound as well.

The women who do the most work get the least money, and the women who have the most money do the least work.

There is no female mind. The brain is not an organ of sex. As well speak of a female liver.

There should be an end to the bitterness of feeling which has arisen between the sexes in this century.

Through it (literature) we know the past, govern the present, and influence the future.

To attain happiness in another world we need only to believe something, while to secure it in this world we must do something

To be surrounded by beautiful things has much influence upon the human creature: to make beautiful things has more.

To swallow and follow, whether old doctrine or new propaganda, is a weakness still dominating the human mind.

To-day there is hardly a woman of intelligence in all America... who is not definitely and actively concerned in some social interest, who does not recognize some duty besides those incident to her own blood relationship.

Two persons love in one another the future good which they aid one another to unfold.

We have built into the constitution of the human race the habit and desire of taking, as divorced from its natural precursor and concomitant of making.

When all usefulness is over, when one is assured of unavoidable and imminent death, it is the simplest of human rights to choose a quick and easy death in place of a slow and horrible one.

Where young boys plan for what they will achieve and attain, young girls plan for whom they will achieve and attain.

'Woman' in the abstract is young, and, we assume, charming. As they get older they pass off the stage, somehow, into private ownership mostly, or out of it altogether

Woman should stand beside man as the comrade of his soul, not the servant of his body.

Categories: Charlotte Perkins; Quotes of the day

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Published Saturday, August 16, 2014 @ 12:57 PM EDT
Aug 16 2014

Sooner or later, most of us die from complications of being ourselves.
-John Alejandro King (The Covert Comic)

Categories: Covert Comic; Observations

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Quotes of the day: James Cameron

Published Friday, August 15, 2014 @ 11:10 PM EDT
Aug 15 2014

James Francis Cameron (b. August 16, 1954) is a Canadian film director, film producer, deep-sea explorer, screenwriter, and editor who has directed the two biggest box office films of all time. (Click here for full Wikipedia article)


Curiosity is the most powerful thing you own.

Don't put limitations on yourself. Others will do that for you.

I love it when I have a nightmare. To me that means I got my money's worth out of that eight hours.

I'm hopeful that we'll be able to study the ocean before we destroy it.

I've sworn off agnosticism, which I now call cowardly atheism. I've come to the position that in the complete absence of any supporting data whatsoever for the persistence of the individual in some spiritual form, it is necessary to operate under the provisional conclusion that there is no afterlife and then be ready to amend that if I find out otherwise.

If you set your goals ridiculously high and it's a failure, you will fail above everyone else's success.

Imagination is a force that can actually manifest a reality.

In whatever you are doing, failure is an option. But fear is not.

Luck is not a factor. Hope is not a strategy. Fear is not an option.

Nobody ever walked out of a theater saying 'That movie sucked, but boy, they brought it in on time and on budget.'

Paranoia's just reality on a finer scale.
(from Strange Days)

Sometimes your whole life boils down to one insane move.

The film industry is about saying 'no' to people, and inherently you cannot take 'no' for an answer.

The future is not set. There is no fate but what we make.

The snake kills by squeezing very slowly. This is how the civilized world slowly, slowly pushes into the forest and takes away the world that used to be.

There are many talented people who haven't fulfilled their dreams because they overthought it, or they were too cautious, and were unwilling to make the leap of faith.

To convince people to back your idea, you've got to sell it to yourself and know when it's the moment. Sometimes that means waiting. It's like surfing. You don't create energy, you just harvest energy already out there.

What are you gonna do? Talk the alien to death?

You don't rest well as long as you're seeking vengeance. I feel sad justice wasn't done, but it's time to move on and sleep well.

Categories: James Cameron; Quotes of the day

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Quotes of the day: The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension

Published Thursday, August 14, 2014 @ 11:15 PM EDT
Aug 14 2014

1984 was a great year for movies: Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, The Terminator, Ghostbusters, This is Spinal Tap, Star Trek III: The Search for Spock, Amadeus, The Neverending Story, The Karate Kid, Footloose, Splash, The Last Starfighter, Repo Man, Supergirl, The Toxic Avenger, Star Man, Electric Dreams, Broadway Danny Rose...

And, on August 15, The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension.

Herewith, some of the best dialogue (from IMDB):


Lord John Whorfin: May I pass along my congratulations for your great interdimensional breakthrough. I am sure, in the miserable annals of the Earth, you will be duly enshrined.

Orderly: Who are you today, Doc? Einstein?
Lord John Whorfin: Lord John Worfin. If there's one thing I hate, it's to be mistaken for somebody else.

Perfect Tommy: Pictures don't lie.
Reno: The hell they don't. I met my first wife that way.

Perfect Tommy: Emilio Lizardo. Wasn't he on TV once?
Buckaroo Banzai: You're thinking of Mr. Wizard.
Reno: Emilio Lizardo is a top scientist, dummkopf.
Perfect Tommy: So was Mr. Wizard.

Lord John Whorfin: Sealed with a curse as sharp as a knife. Doomed is your soul and damned is your life.

John O'Connor: They're only monkey-boys. We can crush them here on earth, Lord Whorfin.

Buckaroo Banzai: I've been ionized, but I'm okay now.

Duck Hunter Burt: Gimme some light will ya?
Duck Hunter Bubba: I got two guns in my hands.
Duck Hunter Burt: Put one of them down.
Duck Hunter Bubba: I ain't puttin' the guns down!

Lord John Whorfin: History is-a made at night. Character is what you are in the dark.

Mission Control: Buckaroo, The White House wants to know is everything ok with the alien space craft from Planet 10 or should we just go ahead and destroy Russia?
Buckaroo Banzai: Tell him yes on one and no on two.
Mission Control: Which one was yes, go ahead and destroy Russia... or number 2?

Buckaroo Banzai: Hey, hey, hey, hey-now. Don't be mean; we don't have to be mean, cuz, remember, no matter where you go, there you are.

Lord John Whorfin: Laugh-a while you can, monkey-boy.

Rawhide: Dr. Banzai is using a laser to vaporize a pineal tumor without damaging the parthogenital plate. A subcutaneous microphone will allow the patient to transmit verbal instructions to his own brain.
Observer: Like, "raise my left arm?"
Rawhide: Or "throw the harpoon." People are gonna come from all over. This boy's an Eskimo.

Buckaroo Banzai: You remind me of someone I once knew.
Penny Priddy: Was she... very beautiful?
Buckaroo Banzai: She was... Queen of the Netherlands

Lord John Whorfin: Where are we going?
The Red Lectroids: Planet Ten!
Lord John Whorfin: When?
The Red Lectroids: Real soon!

Artie: I don't care if you drove through a mountain in Texas. This is New Jersey, and when you play my... when you play my joint, you're just another act. I want some music outta you characters!
Reno: You want it, Artie? You got it.

[after Buckaroo has been ionized]
Buckaroo Banzai: There they are.
Perfect Tommy: There who are?
Buckaroo Banzai: Don't you see them?
New Jersey: See who?
[Buckaroo points at the Lectroids]
Buckaroo Banzai: There! Evil, pure and simple by way of the Eighth Dimension!

New Jersey: Why is there a watermelon there?
Reno: I'll tell you later.

Penny Priddy: You're like Jerry Lewis, you give me hope to carry on, then you leave me in the lurch while you strap on your six-guns...

John Bigboote: It's not my goddamn planet. Understand, monkey boy?

President Widmark: [reading] "Declaration of War... the short form."

[repeated line]
John Bigboote: BigbooTAY!

Lord John Whorfin: Home... home is where you wear your hat... I feel so breakup, I wanna go home.

Lord John Whorfin: [shouting into a radio microphone] BANZAI! I'LL-A SEE YOU IN-A HELL!

Casper Lindley: She can't be serious, can she? Vaporize the whole damn planet?
Buckaroo Banzai: You wanna roll all those dice, Casper?
Casper Lindley: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. Not me, man, not me.

[after crashing through the wall of a factory]
Lectroid: We are not in the Eighth dimension, we are over New Jersey. Hope is not lost.

John Bigboote: We've had our chance! Your Overthruster's for shit! We're lost!
Lord John Whorfin: One more word out of you, Bigbooty...
John Bigboote: [screaming] BIG-BOO-TAY! TAY! TAY!
[Whorfin shoots him]

Overhead announcement at psychiatric hospital:
Lithium is no longer available on credit.

Buckaroo Banzai: It flies like a truck.
John Parker: Good. What is a truck?

John Parker: [as the pod-ship is in a free-fall] I'm a diplomat! I failed flight school!

Ed: President's calling, Buckaroo.
Buckaroo Banzai: The president of what?
Ed: The President of The United States.
Buckaroo Banzai: Oh.

Buckaroo Banzai: You can check your anatomy all you want, and even though there may be normal variation, when it comes right down to it, this far inside the head it all looks the same. No, no, no, don't tug on that. You never know what it might be attached to.

Categories: Buckaroo Banzai; Quotes of the day

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Quotes (and cartoons) of the day: Gary Larson

Published Wednesday, August 13, 2014 @ 10:44 PM EDT
Aug 13 2014

Gary Larson (b. August 14, 1950) is an American cartoonist. He is the creator of The Far Side, a single-panel cartoon series that was syndicated internationally to over 1,900 newspapers for fifteen years. The series ended with Larson's retirement on January 1, 1995. His twenty-three books of collected cartoons have combined sales of more than 45 million copies. (Click here for full Wikipedia article)


I don't believe in the concept of hell, but if I did I would think of it as filled with people who were cruel to animals.

I never liked my own species.

I think one thing that's important to maintain is a sense of fear, always doubting yourself... a good dose of insecurity helps your work in some ways.

I've always considered music stores to be the graveyards of musicians.

If a tree falls in the woods, and nobody is around to hear it, and it hits a mime, does anyone care?

It is a known fact that the sheep that give us steel wool have no natural enemies.

Newspapers will run a headline: 'Shark kills human.' You never see a headline from the other perspective: 'Man swims in shark-infested water, forgets he's shark food.'

On Career Day in high school, you don't walk around looking for the cartoon guy.

People try to look for deep meanings in my work. I want to say, 'They're just cartoons, folks. You laugh or you don't.' Gee, I sound shallow. But I don't react to current events or other stimuli. I don't read or watch TV to get ideas. My work is basically sitting down at the drawing table and getting silly.

The message is not so much that the worms will inherit the Earth, but that all things play a role in nature, even the lowly worm.

Welcome to Hell. Here's your accordion.
(The Far Side comic strip.)

You know those little snow globes that you shake up? I always thought my brain was sort of like that. You know, where you just give it a shake and watch what comes out and shake it again. It's like that.

You should always leave the party ten minutes before you actually do.


(There are 4,337 Far Side cartoons. The first was published on December 31, 1979; the last on January 1, 1995.)


(August 14 is also the birthday of Russell Baker and Steve Martin.)

Categories: Gary Larson; Quotes of the day

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