A rich man is one who isn't afraid to ask the salesperson to show him something cheaper.
A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid.
Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese. Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
Comedy itself is based upon very old principles of which I can readily name seven. They are, in short: the joke, exaggeration, ridicule, ignorance, surprise, the pun, and finally, the comic situation.
Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful woman... and you can keep the golf clubs and fresh air.
I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.
I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry, but all I can say is: when I go, they go too.
Modesty is my best quality.
There's only five real people in Hollywood. Everyone else is Mel Blanc.
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