As soon as you say 'I do,' you'll discover that marriage is like a car. Both of you might be sitting in the front seat, but only one of you is driving. And most marriages are more like a motorcycle than a car. Somebody has to sit in the back, and you have to yell just to be heard.
Being gay is harder than being black. I didn't have to come out black. I didn't have to tell my parents about what its like to be black.
Florida has so many strip clubs, they need to change their state flag to a brass pole.
I don't like the saying keep your friends close and enemies closer. I want my enemy on a different planet.
I hate when women compare men to dogs. Men are not dogs. Dogs are loyal. I've never found any strange panties in my dog's house.
I knew something was wrong with the economy when the shampoo girl at my salon closed on a six bedroom house.
If you have a passion for it, then stop wishing and just do it.
It's easier to rip somebody to shreds while you're making them laugh.
Mostly everything gets worse before it gets better.
Seriously, I don't need a gun. I'm easily annoyed. I would shoot people in my house that I invited over.
To me, political office should be like jury duty. You should just get a notice in mail one day and be like, I'm Secretary of State next month!
You can't make a woman happy. That's like trying to cure a fatal disease. The goal is to treat the symptoms so you can comfortably live with the illness.
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