A group of psychologists say they have discovered twenty-three different body language indicators that show whether or not a person is lying. If you would like to see all twenty-three at the same time, they recommend taking a guided tour of the White House
A new study has found that watching Fox News can make you more conservative and watching MSNBC can make you more liberal. And watching CNN can make you think that no plane has ever safely reached its destination.
Americans now read Facebook more than the Bible. I guess nobody wants to read about a guy who could only come up with 12 friends.
At Microsoft a minority employee is one who has a girlfriend.
Auld Lang Syne is actually Scottish for 'God, this haggis sucks.'
Congress is debating a kill switch that would allow the President to freeze all activity on the internet if there was a national emergency. The kill switch goes by the top-secret code name 'Microsoft Windows.'
Don't be cynical; it leads nowhere.
Eventually, all our graves go unattended.
Fall down. Make a mess. Break something occasionally. Know that your mistakes are your own unique way of getting to where you need to be. And remember that the story is never over.
I miss Harvard Square. Nowhere (else) in the world will you find a man in a turban wearing a Red Sox jacket working in a lesbian bookstore.
I'll say I'm happy doing my thing. No one says 'no comment' anymore.
I've dreamed of being a talk show host on basic cable ever since I was 46.
If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.
If you can laugh at yourself loud and hard every time you fall, people will think you're drunk.
It is our failure to become our perceived ideal that ultimately defines us and makes us unique. It's not easy, but if you accept your misfortune and handle it right your perceived failure can become a catalyst for profound re-invention.
It's a good thing I was born in this century, when superfluous television seems to be part of the economy.
Just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream.
Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen.
Nobody knows really what they're doing and there's two ways to go with that information. One is to be afraid and the other is to be liberated, and I choose to be liberated by it.
Once you discover white paint, you'll never wash your underwear again.
Political analysts say the key voting bloc could be birth control moms. Birth control moms are women who use birth control but apparently not correctly.
Pope Francis said that atheists are still eligible to go to heaven. To return the favor, atheists said Popes are still eligible to go into a void of nothingness.
Queen Elizabeth is in financial trouble. How do you go broke when your face is on the money?
Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'
Success is a lot like a bright, white tuxedo. You feel terrific when you get it, but then you're desperately afraid of getting it dirty, of spoiling it in any way.
Terrible climate, centuries of oppression, and the gene for alcoholism. Or as I call it, 'The luck of the Irish.'
The nightmare is you spend the rest of your life being funny at parties and then people say, 'Why didn't you do that when you were on television?'
The U.S. Census Bureau reports that American homes are 650 square feet larger today than they were in 1980. Unfortunately, so are most Americans.
There are few things more liberating in this life than having your worst fear realized.
There is nothing more liberating than having your worst fear realized.
There's good random, and there's bad random. There's good silly and there's bad silly, and you've gotta know the difference.
Though you should not fear failure, you should do your very best to avoid it.
Through disappointment you can gain clarity, and with clarity comes conviction and true originality.
When all else fails there's always delusion.
When someone calls me pretentious, the white gloves come off.
Why can't they make meth with fluoride?
You can do anything you want in life. Unless Jay Leno wants to do it too.
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