Conceived above a saloon, delivered into this world by a masked man identified by his heavily sedated mother as Captain Video, raised by a kindly West Virginian woman, a mild-mannered former reporter with modest delusions of grandeur and no tolerance of idiots and the intellectually dishonest.


network solutions made me a child pornographer!
The sordid details...


Anniversary


Requiem for a fictional Scotsman


Oh my God! They killed Library!! Those bastards!!!


Elegy to a Mostly Maine Coon


It's a Hap-Hap-Happy Day


A Pittsburgher in the Really Big City


Da Burg Annat


I Have Issues


Yeah, yeah, I'm inspired


At least the rivers freeze in Pittsburgh


He knows if yinz is a jagoff


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I Love DCL


no. we're not that kgb.

Cool Spinny Thingy!


Ciao.
KGB, CIA linked


The Carbolic Smoke Ball
Superb satire, and based in Pittsburgh!


Americans United for Separation of Church and State

"No religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States."
Article VI, U.S. Constitution


Geek of the Week, 7/16/2000

Geek of the Week


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Cruel Site of the Day (7/15/2000)


miscellany

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Friday, June 01, 2007

Quote of the day

If we're going to agree that Pluto isn't a planet, but just a remote chunk of dirt and ice, aren't we pretty much obligated to agree that Minnesota isn't a planet either?
-The Covert Comic

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Thursday, May 31, 2007

Cartoon of the week


After we have sex but before I kill you,
I'm going to need your help with some shelves.

(by Joe Dator, published in The New Yorker June 4, 2007)

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Overheard at the Get-Go

Guy pouring coffee: "Did you hear they found illegal aliens in a truck they stopped on the Parkway?"

Girl picking glaze off donut: "They were from West Virginia?"

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Quote of the day

For a long time it puzzled me how something so expensive, so leading edge, could be so useless, and then it occurred to me that a computer is a stupid machine with the ability to do incredibly smart things, while computer programmers are smart people with the ability to do incredibly stupid things. They are, in short, a perfect match.
-Bill Bryson

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Wednesday, May 30, 2007

I say they're land sharks, and I say to hell with 'em...

Deer attacks, stomps pet dog in Mt. Lebanon
Incident is third reported to authorities in South Hills in past two weeks

Wednesday, May 30, 2007
By Linda Wilson Fuoco, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

A dog that was attacked and stomped by a deer yesterday morning in Mt. Lebanon was in stable condition last night, but will have surgery today.

Randy, a wheaten terrier-mix who is blind and elderly, was attacked by a deer in his back yard on Theodan Drive, according to neighbors and police.

Mt. Lebanon animal control officers took Randy, who was bleeding heavily, to VCA Castle Shannon Animal Hospital shortly after the 9:10 a.m. attack. Last night a spokesman at the veterinary hospital said that in the last two weeks the staff has treated three dogs that were attacked by deer.

One of the other victims was Bailey, 7-year-old beagle, that was chased and stomped by a deer near Stoltz Road in Bethel Park on Friday. Michael Larkin said his family's pet is recovering.

In the Mt. Lebanon attack, a neighbor called police to report that a deer accompanied by fawns entered a yard in the 1700 block of Theodan Drive. Two dogs were in the yard, contained by an invisible fence. The deer attacked one of the dogs.

"The neighbor said the dogs are older and apparently couldn't maneuver too well. The deer cornered one of the dogs and stomped on it," said Mt. Lebanon police Lt. Ken Truver.

The owner of the dogs was not home at the time of the attack, and could not be reached for comment last night.

Another neighbor was taking her garbage to the curb yesterday morning when she saw Randy walking slowing on the sidewalk. She was surprised to see him outside the yard.

"Then I noticed he was dripping a trail of blood and his chest was torn open," said Elfriede Belsterling. Neighbors brought out water and towels to stop the bleeding, and police and animal control were summoned.

Last night a spokesman at the clinic said that Randy's condition had been upgraded to stable but he was expected to undergo surgery today. No further details were available.

The attack in Bethel Park was different.

"Bailey is a beagle and she does occasionally chase wild animals," Mr. Larkin said. "It was prom night and a lot of people were at our house to take pictures."

A neighbor brought Bailey to the Larkin residence.

"She said Bailey was running out of the woods and a deer was chasing our dog," Mr. Larkin said. "The deer swatted Bailey with its foot, knocking her down. When Bailey was down on the ground, the deer stomped on her, two times."

At VCA Castle Shannon, the staff said it had treated a dog attacked by a deer just a week earlier, Mr. Larkin said.

Lt. Truver said he is not aware of any other reports in Mt. Lebanon of deer attacking pets, but said "animal control officers say that at this time of year deer have fawns and will act protectively toward them."

A spokesman at the Pennsylvania Game Commission said female deer will be aggressive in the spring when they have young fawns.

(from the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette)

---

Swell. I have a somewhat elderly dog with failing eyesight that loves to chase deer. The Stoltz Road attack mentioned in the article is less than a mile from my house, and at least once a week there are deer in my back yard (see above). I previously viewed them as early-morning exercise opportunities for Beanie. This report seems to make this photo far more sinister:


You lookin' at me, dog? You lookin' at me?

So, not only are these vermin essentially rats on stilts and carriers of Lyme disease, they are a threat to my beloved canine's existence?

The free ride's over, Bambi. Next time you show up in my back yard, the dog stays in and I'm coming out.

And I have opposable thumbs.

---

(Totally unrelated trivia: Twenty-five years ago, the author of the P-G story and I were reporters for the Spenley Newspapers chain and had adjoining desks. We and Nancy Trimble used to get into trouble by referring to residents of Elizabeth Township as "Elizabethans" in our stories.)

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The Bush Boogle

Zay N. Smith of the Chicago Sun-Times notes in his QT Archive of Knowledge that weasels leave fingerprints. Does the Senate Judiciary Committee know this? It should speed up the whole Gonzales thing immeasurably. (Another arcane weasel fact here...)

The Bush Boogle. Hmm. Has a nice alliterative quality, doesn't it?

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Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Quotes of the day, birthday edition

John Fitzgerald Kennedy, 5/29/07-/11/22/63

Domestic policy can only lose elections. Foreign policy can kill us.

Even today, there is little value in opposing the threat of a closed society by imitating its arbitrary restrictions. Even today, there is little value in insuring the survival of our nation if our traditions do not survive with it.

I don't think the intelligence reports are all that hot. Some days I get more out of The New York Times.

If a nation cannot help the many who are poor, it cannot save the few who are rich.

My father always told me that all businessmen were sons of bitches, but I never believed it until now.

The basis of effective government is public confidence and that confidence is endangered when ethical standards falter, or appear to falter.

The state is the servant of the citizen, and not his master.

The unity of freedom has never relied on uniformity of opinion.

Too often we... enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought.

We are not afraid to entrust the American people with unpleasant facts, foreign ideas, alien philosophies, and competitive values. For a nation that is afraid to let its people judge the truth and falsehood in an open market is a nation that is afraid of its people.

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Monday, May 28, 2007

Quote of the day (musical edition)

How different the new order would be if we could consult the veteran instead of the politician.
-Henry Miller

An acapella version of The Star Spangled Banner by my daughter, Sara. I like to think that if my Dad could hear her, he'd be even prouder of his service in the Marines during World War II.

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Sunday, May 27, 2007

Set your Tivo

5 p.m. "PT-109"

A dramatization of John F. Kennedy's World War II heroics. Fortunately, Karl Rove was still in middle school, and there was no PT Boaters for Truth campaign. (1963) American Movie Classics.

(via Marin Independent Journal)

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Quote of the day

Try to go through life a little bit hungry. You never know when you'll meet someone edible.
-T.J. Bass (in "Half Past Human", 1970)

(via David C. Kifer in the alt.quotations Usenet newsgroup)

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Award winners...

Congratulations to South Park High School's drama club, winners in the 17th annual Gene Kelly Awards for Excellence in High School Musicals for their production of Jesus Christ Superstar. The show won Best Musical (Class 1).

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Copyright © 1987-2017 by Kevin G. Barkes
All rights reserved.
Violators will be prosecuted.
So there.  
The kgb@kgb.com e-mail address is now something other than kgb@kgb.com saga.
kgbreport.com used to be kgb.com until December, 2007 when the domain name broker Trout Zimmer made an offer I couldn't refuse. Giving up kgb.com and adopting kgbreport.com created a significant problem, however. I had acquired the kgb.com domain name in 1993, and had since that time used kgb@kgb.com as my sole e-mail address. How to let people know that kgb@kgb.com was no longer kgb@kgb.com but rather kgbarkes@gmail.com which is longer than kgb@kgb.com and more letters to type than kgb@kgb.com and somehow less aesthetically pleasing than kgb@kgb.com but actually just as functional as kgb@kgb.com? I sent e-mails from the kgb@kgb.com address to just about everybody I knew who had used kgb@kgb.com in the past decade and a half but noticed that some people just didn't seem to get the word about the kgb@kgb.com change. So it occurred to me that if I were generate some literate, valid text in which kgb@kgb.com was repeated numerous times and posted it on a bunch of different pages- say, a blog indexed by Google- that someone looking for kgb@kgb.com would notice this paragraph repeated in hundreds of locations, would read it, and figure out that kgb@kgb.com no longer is the kgb@kgb.com they thought it was. That's the theory, anyway. kgb@kgb.com. Ok, I'm done. Move along. Nothing to see here...

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Crystal Methodist


Laugh while you can, monkey-boy


I am a professional. Do not try this at home.


I canna change the laws of physics


As a matter of fact, I *am* the boss of you.
(as a matter of fact, i AM the boss of you.)


Truly great madness cannot be achieved without signficant intelligence


I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.


Left wing liberal nut job


Flies spread disease. Keep yours zipped.


Eff the ineffable, scrute the inscrutable.


If my answers frighten you then you should cease asking scary questions.


If evolution is just a theory, why am I surrounded by monkeys?


Nutrition makes me puke


Feral Geek


eat wisely


Dyslexics have more fnu!


It's here!

Eff and Scrute

440 pages, over 11,000 quotations!

Eff the Ineffable, Scrute the Inscrutable


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