Conceived above a saloon, delivered into this world by a masked man identified by his heavily sedated mother as Captain Video, raised by a kindly West Virginian woman, a mild-mannered former reporter with modest delusions of grandeur and no tolerance of idiots and the intellectually dishonest.
network solutions made me a child pornographer!
The sordid details...
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dcl dialogue online!
no. we're not that kgb.
The Carbolic Smoke Ball
Superb satire, and based in Pittsburgh!
"No religious Test shall ever be required as a
Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the
Article VI, U.S. Constitution
Geek of the Week, 7/16/2000
Cruel Site of the Day, 7/15/2000
"a breezy writing style and a cool mix of tidbits"
Our riveting and morally compelling...
One of 50,543 random quotes. Please CTRL-F5 to refresh the page.
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Quote of the day
Religion is kinda like nuclear power:
you split the atom this way, you get electricity;
you split it that way, you get an atomic bomb.
Friday, March 09, 2007
Quote of the day
I have short-term memory loss, though I like to think of it as
Thursday, March 08, 2007
But you have to post the property settlement on MySpace...
Islam's highest cleric in the "moderate" state of Dubai issued a fatwa yesterday permitting the country's Muslim men to divorce their wives through text messaging. The Grand Mufti Ahmed al-Haddad, in a written statement, said that phone SMS messaging was no different than written declarations of divorce. He also declared that religious authorities could judge the divorce over a mobile phone.
Islamic law only requires that a husband repeat the phrase "I divorce you" three times for a marriage to end.
-The Jawa Report (via the Sanity Inspector on the Usenet alt.quotations newsgroup.)
Cartoon of the day
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Was the Death Star Attack an Inside Job?
As if conspiracy theorists don't have enough trouble with perceived reality...
How could any pilot shoot a missile into a 2 meter-wide exhaust port, let alone a pilot with no formal training, whose only claim to fame was his ability to "bullseye womprats" on Tatooine? This shot, according to one pilot, would be "impossible, even for a computer." Yet, according to additional evidence, the pilot who allegedly fired the missile turned off his targeting computer when he was supposedly firing the shot that destroyed the Death Star. Why have these discrepancies never been investigated, let alone explained?
The whole thing's here. Intriguing. Cough. Via the Sanity Inspector on the Usenet alt.quotations newsgroup.
Does Al Gore know about this?
Use the telephone company's juice to power select home appliances.
These guys are real telephone whizzes. I haven't tried the products on this page, but I know their more traditional stuff is truly spiffy.
It's based on Chernobyl-inspired technology. What could go wrong?
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Gee, I wonder where they send the royalty checks?
Dear Amazon.com Customer,
We've noticed that customers who have expressed interest in books by James Boswell have also ordered The Works of Samuel Johnson, Volume 10 by Samuel Johnson. For this reason you might like to know that Samuel Johnson's newest book, The Works of Samuel Johnson, Volume 10, is now available in Paperback. You can order your copy for just $18.99 by following the link below.
-via fellow former computer columnist, role model, and old buddy Stan Kelly-Bootle, who enthusiastically adds, "I can't wait to get Samuel's LATEST."
Quote of the day
The problem with self-improvement is knowing when to quit.
-David Lee Roth
Monday, March 05, 2007
Quote of the day
At 76, I feel terrific and, according to all measurable indicators, am in excellent health. It's amazing what Cherry Coke and hamburgers will do for a fellow.
News story lead sentence of the day
Somewhat delayed Headline of the Day
Supreme Court Gives Gore's Oscar to Bush
Stunning Reversal for Former Veep
-The Borowitz Report
Copyright © 1987-2017 by Kevin G. Barkes
All rights reserved.
Violators will be prosecuted.
The email@example.com e-mail address is now something other than firstname.lastname@example.org saga.
kgbreport.com used to be kgb.com until December, 2007 when the domain name broker Trout Zimmer made an offer I couldn't refuse. Giving up kgb.com and adopting kgbreport.com created a significant problem, however. I had acquired the kgb.com domain name in 1993, and had since that time used email@example.com as my sole e-mail address. How to let people know that firstname.lastname@example.org was no longer email@example.com but rather firstname.lastname@example.org which is longer than email@example.com and more letters to type than firstname.lastname@example.org and somehow less aesthetically pleasing than email@example.com but actually just as functional as firstname.lastname@example.org? I sent e-mails from the email@example.com address to just about everybody I knew who had used firstname.lastname@example.org in the past decade and a half but noticed that some people just didn't seem to get the word about the email@example.com change. So it occurred to me that if I were generate some literate, valid text in which firstname.lastname@example.org was repeated numerous times and posted it on a bunch of different pages- say, a blog indexed by Google- that someone looking for email@example.com would notice this paragraph repeated in hundreds of locations, would read it, and figure out that firstname.lastname@example.org no longer is the email@example.com they thought it was. That's the theory, anyway. firstname.lastname@example.org. Ok, I'm done. Move along. Nothing to see here...
440 pages, over 11,000 quotations!
get kgb krap!