Conceived above a saloon, delivered into this world by a masked man identified by his heavily sedated mother as Captain Video, raised by a kindly West Virginian woman, a mild-mannered former reporter with modest delusions of grandeur and no tolerance of idiots and the intellectually dishonest.


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Yeah, yeah, I'm inspired


At least the rivers freeze in Pittsburgh


He knows if yinz is a jagoff


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Friday, June 25, 2004

It's all perception.

I was reading Clinton's autobiography on the train this morning and suddenly became aware that I was being watched. I looked up and saw a woman my age sitting across the aisle, staring at me intently. I smiled briefly. No response. I kept on reading, glancing up from time to time. Her eyes were locked on me.

Hmm. Wonder what it could be. Clinton hater? Clinton lover? A bit of French toast between my teeth?

As the train stopped at Washington and Wells, I stood up, noticing the woman's eyes moved slightly, but did not meet mine. I glanced down to discover that my fly was open.

Well, what do you expect from a Clinton supporter?

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Thursday, June 24, 2004

See how things work out?

According to my calculations, the extra money we received from the Bush tax cut just about covers the recent increases in the price of gasoline.

It's not as efficient as the administration just directly transferring funds from the Treasury to its buddies at the oil companies, but, you must admit, it's just as effective.

We would have almost broken even for the year if it hadn't been for the increases in our insurance company's co-pay fee for prescription drugs.

Sigh.

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Wednesday, June 23, 2004

Have some sympathy, willya?

The media's all over poor Mary-Kate Olsen about her eating disorder.

Hey, it can happen to anyone. Take me, for instance. I have a rare form of bulimia. I eat, but I don't throw up.

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Sunday, June 20, 2004

Back in the saddle...

Whew. Just emerging from a period of cognitive dissonance, ennui and gout. Time to whip myself into shape and start posting regularly.

For the first time in months, it appears the flight from Pittsburgh to Chicago should be uneventful. Brilliant blue sky here with just some high clouds, and it looks fine at O'Hare as well.

The only thing on the agenda today is work and watching Clinton's interview on 60 Minutes. Why did they pick Rather to interview him? He's become a parody of a network newsanchor, and I suspect the only reason people watch him is the same reason they watch NASCAR: the rare chance of a spectacular crash-and-burn.

And for God's sake, will someone teach him how to pronounce "terror"? When he talks about "the war on terra", he sounds like someone from a bad 60s sci-fi movie.

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Violators will be prosecuted.
So there.  
The kgb@kgb.com e-mail address is now something other than kgb@kgb.com saga.
kgbreport.com used to be kgb.com until December, 2007 when the domain name broker Trout Zimmer made an offer I couldn't refuse. Giving up kgb.com and adopting kgbreport.com created a significant problem, however. I had acquired the kgb.com domain name in 1993, and had since that time used kgb@kgb.com as my sole e-mail address. How to let people know that kgb@kgb.com was no longer kgb@kgb.com but rather kgbarkes@gmail.com which is longer than kgb@kgb.com and more letters to type than kgb@kgb.com and somehow less aesthetically pleasing than kgb@kgb.com but actually just as functional as kgb@kgb.com? I sent e-mails from the kgb@kgb.com address to just about everybody I knew who had used kgb@kgb.com in the past decade and a half but noticed that some people just didn't seem to get the word about the kgb@kgb.com change. So it occurred to me that if I were generate some literate, valid text in which kgb@kgb.com was repeated numerous times and posted it on a bunch of different pages- say, a blog indexed by Google- that someone looking for kgb@kgb.com would notice this paragraph repeated in hundreds of locations, would read it, and figure out that kgb@kgb.com no longer is the kgb@kgb.com they thought it was. That's the theory, anyway. kgb@kgb.com. Ok, I'm done. Move along. Nothing to see here...

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Crystal Methodist


Laugh while you can, monkey-boy


I am a professional. Do not try this at home.


I canna change the laws of physics


As a matter of fact, I *am* the boss of you.
(as a matter of fact, i AM the boss of you.)


Truly great madness cannot be achieved without signficant intelligence


I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.


Left wing liberal nut job


Flies spread disease. Keep yours zipped.


Eff the ineffable, scrute the inscrutable.


If my answers frighten you then you should cease asking scary questions.


If evolution is just a theory, why am I surrounded by monkeys?


Nutrition makes me puke


Feral Geek


eat wisely


Dyslexics have more fnu!


It's here!

Eff and Scrute

440 pages, over 11,000 quotations!

Eff the Ineffable, Scrute the Inscrutable


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